To ask if you agreed to submit to your husband's authority when you married?

[GalaApples]

If so, what made you agree? Was it a good decision?
I recently found out that this is a thing among some evangelical Christians, in the UK as well as in the US. Has it worked out for you? How do you feel about the man being the "head" of the house, and have his decisions been good ones or not? How do you feel about him making the final decisions about your marriage and family?

😂 Good one @GalaApples I refused to say 'OBEY,' (in the wedding vows...) Like fuck will I ever OBEY him!!! LMFAO!!!

“When told by an evangelical man that a wife should submit, I found it really shocking, and felt alarmed enough to want to know how common it is, and what makes a woman agree to it.”

You're right to be shocked. Any man bombastic about that rule should be avoided.

The Christian couples I know where I see intelligent, professional women abide by this, their marriages just look like very loving teamwork. This is because the essence of it is that the man should ultimately have the best interests of his wife and family at heart. And that usually means in practise working with the wife to prioritise a loving, close family that prays and stays together. The many couples I know have long, happy marriages and there is no machismo or abuse.

Ultimately though, there will be submissive women and dominant men just like there are in secular marriages.

@Wellthatwasweird

Why does god want your husband to be the head of your household?

Does your oh make you a coffee just because?

No because we wanted a partnership of equals not a hierarchy.

We’d be fucked if I had to defer everything to my husband. He can’t make a decision to save his life and would spend all his time faffing and being anxious. I’m sure he’d like to be the ‘boss’ in the house but nothing would ever get done!

@Bepis

Why do you feel you need to submit to your oh?

Evangelical Christian, and hell no, no way. Wasn’t in our vows. We promised to love and support each other in everything we do.

Our pastor taught us that the bible teaches that the man might be seen as the head of the household but this is as a spiritual covering, not as an obedience thing. It is not meant to be a dictator thing. All big decisions should be joint, the husband should love and serve the wife and the wife should love and serve the husband - as totally equal partners dedicated to building each other up.

Churches that teach otherwise are hiding misogyny imo.

@LibrariansGiveUsPower

but this is as a spiritual covering,

What does that mean?

I haven't heard a word during the ceremony about obeying to husband. As long as I understand being housewife while husband earns money, the idea of obeying completely, not being able to speak up about life/financial etc. decisions sounds very dangerous to me. It's bonkers to compare obeying to husband as you obey to boss. Boss pays into your bank account, and you can always change jobs if you're not happy.

Ha.

No.

Haha. This is the first time I've actually thought this.

Yes. Once I did this as I felt I had no choice he escalated rapidly and prohibited me from going out without him. I left him.

Yes, it's a thing, they watch Andrew Tate and right wing stuff, it's huge.

Yes, my BIL and SIL had this in their vows. They are evangelical Christians.

None of the rest of the family are particularly religious.

We were surprised.

Wring thread!!!

It's a commandment from God that the Christ is head of the man and in turn the man is head of the woman (and family by extension). Not in a domineering and controlling way though.

@Bepis

Why does god think men should be in charge?

Why do you think god is right?

I was a bit surprised when we got married that we were asked to love and cherish each other, with no mention of honouring. I knew obeying had been done away with.

I think cherishing is a pretty good foundation for marriage. I honestly can’t think of a single time in my marriage where obedience would have been expected or required. It strikes me as somewhat bizarre to have any kind of bossiness in an intimate relationship. Every major decision we’ve taken has been considered with regard to each other’s happiness.

What other way is there?

I'd be massively worried about any woman in such a dysfunctional relationship.

@howmanybicycles Definitely not a dysfunctional relationship, just a different way. We are very happy. DH doesn't agree with the 'head' concept but I do my best to follow the Bible. We pretty much make decisions together though as we rarely disagree.

I'm afraid I do see that as dysfunctional. Any inequity in a relationship between two mentally capacitated adults is a worry.

@howmanybicycles That's your opinion but definitely not dysfunctional and you would see that if you knew us.

I didn't. He wanted me too though. He wanted to remove "forsaking all others" aswell because he didn't want to put me before his mum.
In hindsight, he'd been waving red flags in my face for a long time, he's now ex.

It used to be the default that your vows included "to obey" so I guess people who value tradition keep it.

Hahahaha no, the other way round. We'd have been bankrupt if I didn't run everything.

😂😂😂