Page 7 | To ask if you agreed to submit to your husband's authority when you married?

jays · 22/02/2023 22:21

GalaApples · 22/02/2023 18:55

If so, what made you agree? Was it a good decision?
I recently found out that this is a thing among some evangelical Christians, in the UK as well as in the US. Has it worked out for you? How do you feel about the man being the "head" of the house, and have his decisions been good ones or not? How do you feel about him making the final decisions about your marriage and family?

Yes, my name is Mrs Cartman and I “Respect His Authoritah” at all times. Please… go and research your articles and stop expecting us to earn your living for you! Do your job and stop expecting us to do it for you. For free. Cheeky CF

UnluckyPennsatucky · 22/02/2023 22:23

I can’t think of anything more ridiculous

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/02/2023 22:36

Are you writing an article or something? You surely know it is vanishing rare.

Genevieva · 22/02/2023 22:38

Our vicar told us that the original meaning of obey was to listen deeply and that it doesn't mean unthinkingly following commands. I have no problem with that. If you obey him then he worships you. Not a bad trade off.

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/02/2023 22:45

mayihavesomecakeplease · 22/02/2023 19:58

I did and I know lots of others who did through church- equally he promised to love me as Christ loved the church (ie die for me if needed!).

I wouldn’t expect anyone to use the vows who wasn’t a practicing Christian, as they’re pretty awful without the context!

They’re pretty awful with it.

It’s irrational.

Thekirit · 22/02/2023 22:46

The idea of agreeing to “love, honour and obey”. Is ridiculous.
No I did not say this as part of my wedding vows

Nor did I stand on the LEFT hand side of the church, my family and I all defiantly stood on the right

I also kept my own surname as my DH didn’t fancy changing his either

TessoftheDubonnet · 22/02/2023 23:15

Praise be
Blessed Be The Fruit
May The Lord Open
😹

Thekirit · 22/02/2023 23:26

TessoftheDubonnet · 22/02/2023 23:15

Praise be
Blessed Be The Fruit
May The Lord Open
😹

Well said but let’s add a picture too just in case

To ask if you agreed to submit to your husband's authority when you married?

Thekirit · 22/02/2023 23:36

You asked the same Q on your thread started Feb 1st.
same time you joined MN

Curiouser and curiouser

PermanentTemporary · 22/02/2023 23:40

It's not a new question. Obey became optional in the wedding vows in the C of E in 1928. Dorothy Sayers wrote a fictional scene in 1937 where her couple argue out the principles for their vows (though she ended up getting her female character to want to obey with the man objecting to it, which she presumably thought was more palatable).

Butterflywing · 22/02/2023 23:54

This is traditional and a normal part of Muslim and orthodox marriages, not just Christians.

The trouble is, males are more likely to be aggressive, violent, selfish and drink excess alcohol and commit crimes and women are more likely to be sensible and loyal to their children so really, men are better submitting to the better judgement of their wives, which is usually what happens anyway in good marriages in any religion.

LadyGAgain · 23/02/2023 00:03

Of course not!

Solittletimeforwine · 23/02/2023 00:06

Honestly, if I was the type to do that, he’d not have married me. And if he was the type to expect it, I’d not have married him.

Solittletimeforwine · 23/02/2023 00:08

Genevieva · 22/02/2023 22:38

Our vicar told us that the original meaning of obey was to listen deeply and that it doesn't mean unthinkingly following commands. I have no problem with that. If you obey him then he worships you. Not a bad trade off.

I’ve no words, 😰

MistyMooninabluesky · 23/02/2023 00:46

Daily Wail OP?

Mother87 · 23/02/2023 00:56

Authority assigned by whom?

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 23/02/2023 01:13

St Paul's letters (or the parts read at church in my youth) have kept church benches free of me for years.

I have an evangelical friend who chose to obey and said that this was because there could only be one captain of a ship and she trusted her husband not to take advantage of her obedience. It was about love.

I talked about this to my own (much loved) DH who was never offered such respect. He said being captain of a marriage sounded full of responsibility and a bit lonely.
He prefers that we man the bridge together.
He has a point.
I wouldn't want obedience from him either.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 23/02/2023 01:15

Butterflywing · 22/02/2023 23:54

This is traditional and a normal part of Muslim and orthodox marriages, not just Christians.

The trouble is, males are more likely to be aggressive, violent, selfish and drink excess alcohol and commit crimes and women are more likely to be sensible and loyal to their children so really, men are better submitting to the better judgement of their wives, which is usually what happens anyway in good marriages in any religion.

You are right about the way the roles turn about in the long term !

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 23/02/2023 01:25

Mrs Unicorn submitting to my authority? I'm at number 8, below the kids, the cats and the fucking dead mouse the cats brought in as a present in this household! 😂

Bepis · 23/02/2023 01:43

PleasantZen · 22/02/2023 19:07

Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

This is exactly why I'm not a Christian

I'm a Christian and I do this. I have an opinion on matters and put my viewpoint forward but if there is disagreement on major issues, then DH makes the final decision. He isn't comfortable with it (he's not Christian) but I feel that is my role within the marriage. It works for us, we are happy and we very rarely disagree on anything so it never comes up.

Wellthatwasweird · 23/02/2023 05:43

Willyoujustbequiet · 22/02/2023 21:51

In your opinion.

Many victims don't recognise it until years/decades later.

Show quote history

Someone doesn't agree with your worldview so they must have mental health issues they don't even know about, but you do. Sorry, what was that about internalised misogyny again? 😀

Original poster

GalaApples · 23/02/2023 10:37

Jays
LuredbythePomegranite
MistyMooninaBlueSky
As I already made clear above, I am an ordinary person - I don't have a job, and the last thing I wrote was essays at university many years ago. I go to church in the Church of England but have never come across this until recently. It is not a feature in my church. When told by an evangelical man that a wife should submit, I found it really shocking, and felt alarmed enough to want to know how common it is, and what makes a woman agree to it.

Thank you for all the replies. I am relieved to know that the vast majority feel as I do. But I do want to thank those who practise this and came on here to say so, and share their experience, which was brave as it runs counter to majority attitudes generally. I still don't fully understand why anyone would choose to do this, rather than have the vows the same for both the man and the woman, but I really appreciate your answers.

OP posts:

Aprilx · 23/02/2023 10:40

GalaApples · 22/02/2023 19:08

N4ish
No I am not. I am an ordinary person who heard of this recently. I wondered how common it is, as I had never heard of it before. And wanted to know what kind of woman would agree to do this and why. I was shocked, but want to understand the reason why a woman would do this.

How have you only just heard of this? The traditional wedding vows have contained the word “obey” forever and probably only the last few decades that it has mainly been dropped.

sausage767 · 23/02/2023 10:46

Haha. No.

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 23/02/2023 10:47

Absolutely not.

I promised to love but not obey!