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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is masturbation a life skill?

89 replies

MaggieMagpie357 · 22/02/2023 17:30

Please help settle a mass debate (ha ha) that is currently raging in the school FB group.

Year 11s have weekly Life Skills lessons at school, these are a mix of things like money management, apprenticeships, higher education information etc, and what used to be called PSHE, ie sex education, healthy relationships, mental health and well-being etc.

One parent in particular is disgusted by some of topics our 15/16 year olds are being taught in these lessons. Last week she posted in the parents FB group because they had been discussing pornography in the lesson which she thought was inappropriate. Another parent then commented that she was appalled by this, and that they had also discussed FGM - she actually said that her child would never move in circles where this could happen to her, so why should she have to learn about it?

A full list of topics covered in Life Skills is available on the school website, and all children are told by teachers that they can leave the classroom if they feel uncomfortable. Yet these parents insist on these pearl clutching FB posts every time their child has a life skills lesson that they deem to be inappropriate!

So - is masturbation a life skill?!

(To clarify, teachers were not demonstrating this, and it was taught during a lesson on healthy relationships!)

OP posts:
Maverickess · 22/02/2023 17:36

I'm not sure if it's a life skill, but I do think covering topics like FGM and porn are important because they are happening in our society, quite closed off to insist that your child will 'never' encounter something, so they don't need to learn about it in a safe and controlled environment with facts rather than 3rd hand in the yard or extreme views found on a random corner of the internet.

Original poster
MaggieMagpie357 · 22/02/2023 17:52

Completely agree. The parents in question insist they talk about sex at home, but their posts come across as very old fashioned and make them sound so unapproachable!

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 22/02/2023 17:53

Yanbu

OneMoreCookieMonster · 22/02/2023 17:55

Back in the early 00's when I was that age we learnt about porn, healthy relationships, masturbation, FGM, sexual stigma etc. I think it helped open up discussions around those topics and this was in a mixed class setting. It was good to hear what other peers had to say about it. Our teacher was also male. (Poor guy) He made it absolutely clear that what some porn portrays is not a healthy act between two ppl nor what a relationship should look like. That was whatever was 'fashionable/trendy' at the time. He also made it clear that masturbation was healthy and that there was stigma sutrounding it. We learnt a lot. It helped me personally, to know that I could ask questions about sex, relationships etc and get decent feedback and learnt different ways to think about it.

abyssofwoah · 22/02/2023 17:56

It’s maybe shooting them selves in the foot calling it life skills but none of that is inappropriate as a topic to cover within PSHE with that age group

OliverBabish · 22/02/2023 18:00

I believe it should be part of the curriculum to remove the sense of taboo.

Sex is great but it can also be really boring. I think it’s important to highlight that it’s not like what you see on the TV (or the internet…)

underneaththeash · 22/02/2023 18:08

i’m not sure, I think an adult life skill is something that ‘needs’ to be learned like swimming, driving, maths, English grammar, basic etiquette, social skills, map skills, how to light a fire etc..,,
i’m really not sure I’d have wanted someone teach me masturbation, I don’t think I would have wanted teacher thought in there.
i also base my girlguiding sessions in life skills and I definitely do not want to cover that.

Original poster
MaggieMagpie357 · 22/02/2023 18:16

@underneaththeash they weren't teaching it as in giving a a demonstration though! They were saying that it's a normal healthy thing to do.

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 22/02/2023 18:46

Porn and the risks associatsd with it and FGM are listed in the statutory guidance for PSHE and Sex education. The masturbation would come into it in terms of physical changes in puberty and it's important that teenagers are educated about things like body shaming, peer pressure and unhealthy / healthy behaviours. They most definitely won't be discussing techniques or who does it etc. It will be more along the lines of it's normal to have these feelings, it's normal to do it in private and some people have different views about it

Is masturbation a life skill?
Original poster
MaggieMagpie357 · 22/02/2023 18:54

@WonderingWanda exactly. I can't really get my head around people who think it shouldn't be discussed at school. Someone in the group just made a very good point about it actually being important from a safeguarding perspective, ie knowing what a healthy relationship is and being able to discuss certain topics in a safe environment.

OP posts:
fdgdfgdfgdfg · 22/02/2023 18:57

DP was taught at home that masturbation was a filthy habit, which has led to some very unhealthy behaviours around sex. She therefore never worked out how to give herself an orgasm for nearly 40 years.

I'd say some education around masturbation in school would have done her the world of good!

Hawkins003 · 22/02/2023 19:00

No wonder some of society get mixed perspectives, with those not wanting to engage with educational topics it's like being back in Victorian times

RosaBonheur · 22/02/2023 19:03

MaggieMagpie357 · 22/02/2023 17:52

Completely agree. The parents in question insist they talk about sex at home, but their posts come across as very old fashioned and make them sound so unapproachable!

The parents who want sex education to happen at home so they can control what their children learn about it are the ones whose children most need sex education at school, I reckon. They'll be the ones telling their children that sex is a special cuddle that only a man and a woman who are married to each other do when they want to make a baby.

Original poster
MaggieMagpie357 · 22/02/2023 19:06

@RosaBonheur ha ha, exactly this!!!

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 22/02/2023 19:07

You’d be hard pushed to find a 15-16 year old that doesn’t already know about masturbation and porn these days. FGM
should be taught even if it ‘would never happen to them’ because it’s important. I can’t honestly understand anyone who thinks differently by secondary age. If they don’t need the info then it doesn’t matter, and if the info is all news to them then they urgently needed to know it.

Original poster
MaggieMagpie357 · 22/02/2023 19:08

Hard agree @NoSquirrels

OP posts:
DanseAvecLesLoup · 22/02/2023 19:09

Definite life skill, I list it on my CV

Original poster
MaggieMagpie357 · 22/02/2023 19:10

DanseAvecLesLoup · 22/02/2023 19:09

Definite life skill, I list it on my CV

I must start doing this! 😉

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 22/02/2023 19:11

We are very open about sex in the house. Trying to make sure our dc are educated as much as possible.

Obviously nothing overly graphical are they are only 7 and 9, but they are learning it’s normal.

We haven’t talked about masturbation yet, but it might be something I start bringing up with the elder one. Nothing explicit but just explaining it’s normal, and that if she does it, to respect everyone in the house by being private about it.

FGM I feel is vital for everyone to know about. You never know who might be subjected to it

itsabigtree · 22/02/2023 19:15

It's important to learn about things like FGM, sex trafficking, consent etc in school.
But I do think it's a bit weird to have masturbation on the curriculum. Can't imagine many students want to discuss it with their teachers in any meaningful way anyway. I do think it's inappropriate too as 'life skills' is a discussion lesson. Discussion could easily go off the intended conversation around masturbation and lead to a conversation without proper boundaries between adults and children.

Dogsgottabone · 22/02/2023 19:17

I wish I'd been taught about stuff like that in my Catholic school early 90s.

My DC have a much better awareness of how the world works including concepts of consent and respect.

advice222 · 22/02/2023 19:21

I think an openness about sex and all related factors is crucial, heavily stressing consent and healthy relationships! I work in a secondary school and many students have a very twisted viewpoint about both. Porn being freely available is so damaging to how young people think of sex.

LlynTegid · 22/02/2023 19:32

It is not a life skill. However it should not be ignored as if it does not happen, and should never be in public.

FGM should be covered 100%, and how to raise concerns if you suspect a young woman may be possibly about to undergo the horrific practice.

openingbat · 22/02/2023 19:36

It's very important to discuss porn and the problems it can cause with relationships!

BertieBotts · 22/02/2023 19:37

It's a bit of a weird way to word the question, because presumably they aren't having lessons on the proper technique Confused

However yes, it's perfectly appropriate for the topic of masturbation to be covered in sex education along the lines of "it's perfectly healthy and normal, everybody does it". The end.

Talking about porn as in "this is great, everyone should go and look some up!" would be inappropriate but surely in a school setting the porn discussion would be more about the unreality of porn and that you shouldn't take it as a kind of illustrated how-to guide to sex because in the real world it isn't like that. It would be nice if they also covered the feminist angle of it being damaging to women but I think this is highly unlikely!