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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be pissed off at my boyfriend for this?

128 replies

lavenderhillss · 22/02/2023 16:27

Have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. Very new and lovely relationship.
It is my birthday in 2 weeks time. I had a rotten birthday last year (was dumped by my ex on my birthday lol). He told me to book time off work for a couple of days.

He’s just messaged me saying “oh I’ve messed up, I booked for us to go to Vienna for a couple of days but I just realised my passport has expired” “don’t worry it’s refundable but didn’t cross my mind”

I just can’t help but feel really deflated, he didn’t seem that bothered about it. I’m obviously really grateful he booked it as I’ve wanted to go for ages. He’s since been really apologetic about it, but I don’t know whether to be annoyed at his general disorganisation. He’s since said he’d make it up to me, but didn’t say this at first.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 22/02/2023 16:48

Solittletimeforwine · 22/02/2023 16:45

No the op hasn’t, the responders have, and he only mentioned Vienna today. It’s not like he’s been leading her on with promises of Austrian delights.

Show quote history

ok, I'm letting you off the hook entirely, just because of your delightfully florid turn of phrase 😁Wine

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 22/02/2023 16:52

Solittletimeforwine · 22/02/2023 16:46

If he comes up with a Premier Inn & a night out at a Harvester, we'll all know he's full of shit ...

like cos you know him or something? How does you or any other random in here knowing he’s full of shit have any form of relevance. Unless he’s your mate, then I’m sure no one gives a shit.

I repeat, somebody who tells their g/f to book time off work for a birthday surprise, dangles a now-impossible Vienna trip for no reason other than to highlight how generous he SAYS he was going to be, but then replaces it with a shit trip ... would be full of shit.

Hence my saying IF he does this.
You did see the conditional sentence structure, yes?

Winter41 · 22/02/2023 16:54

My husband renewed his passport online a couple of weeks ago. New one arrived in less than two weeks. You can also go to the office and queue up in think if you need it there and then.

Gwen82 · 22/02/2023 16:56

Say you really like someone and have been with them 8 months

You decide you’re going to really treat them for their birthday and take them away to Vienna

you ask them to book annual leave because you plan to take them away BUT you don’t tell them to where

For some reason, you delay booking flights until a fortnight before and when you do…. Oh no!! Your passport has expired

So you think to yourself… phew, i least I didn’t promise Vienna. Ok so I will start looking for a lovely UK hotel.

yes?

not the OP’s boyfriend. He decides to tell her that he booked a holiday but then pulls it from her. Shit bag. He never booked op or he booked fully refundable with the view that he’d see how the relationship went and if he wanted to pay for a big present. And he didn’t.

NamelessTemptress01 · 22/02/2023 17:07

Tell him send your passport off asap on fast track and we could still go! Otherwise move the booking on a couple of weeks.

I don’t believe he had the intention of taking you, otherwise he wouldn’t have told you about his mistake and booked you into a lovely UK hotel instead.

DontLikeMenthols · 22/02/2023 17:16

Gwen82 · 22/02/2023 16:41

Someone who had no intention of ever going

and if the hotel was booked…. Let me guess it came with 24 hour fully refundable

Show quote history

it sounds like you’re almost enjoying this? What strange posts. How do you know he hasn’t booked the hotel on somewhere like Booking.com where you can get a non-refundable option (I use that every single time as you never know what could happen), gone to book flights and realised his passport is out of date?

it’s really not that hard to comprehend but it sounds as if you’re just keen to put a dampener on it.

DontLikeMenthols · 22/02/2023 17:17

DontLikeMenthols · 22/02/2023 17:16

it sounds like you’re almost enjoying this? What strange posts. How do you know he hasn’t booked the hotel on somewhere like Booking.com where you can get a non-refundable option (I use that every single time as you never know what could happen), gone to book flights and realised his passport is out of date?

it’s really not that hard to comprehend but it sounds as if you’re just keen to put a dampener on it.

Show quote history

*refundable option

Iwouldlikesomecake · 22/02/2023 17:20

Who waits to book flights till the couple of weeks before a trip they have planned for a while? Really who does that

its going to be WAY more expensive. Just makes no sense

yeetingbird · 22/02/2023 17:27

I don't believe he actually booked it.

Clymene · 22/02/2023 17:29

I'm in the 'he never booked it' camp

Shelby2010 · 22/02/2023 17:33

I’m also in the ‘never booked’ it camp.

Otherwise he’d just have cancelled the hotel & booked somewhere in the UK.

BreviloquentBastard · 22/02/2023 17:37

I got my passport renewed in under a week by just going to the passport office and telling them it was an emergency. He could still do that and then get cheap last minute flights.

Sorry but I'm with the other cynics saying this holiday has never existed and he just wants to make sure you know how generous he planned to be.

Stillcountingbeans · 22/02/2023 17:42

Gwen82 · 22/02/2023 16:56

Say you really like someone and have been with them 8 months

You decide you’re going to really treat them for their birthday and take them away to Vienna

you ask them to book annual leave because you plan to take them away BUT you don’t tell them to where

For some reason, you delay booking flights until a fortnight before and when you do…. Oh no!! Your passport has expired

So you think to yourself… phew, i least I didn’t promise Vienna. Ok so I will start looking for a lovely UK hotel.

yes?

not the OP’s boyfriend. He decides to tell her that he booked a holiday but then pulls it from her. Shit bag. He never booked op or he booked fully refundable with the view that he’d see how the relationship went and if he wanted to pay for a big present. And he didn’t.

This.
OP says the message was "oh I’ve messed up, I booked for us to go to Vienna for a couple of days but I just realised my passport has expired".

This was the first she knew about Vienna. If he was genuine, and had just discovered his mistake, he would not have mentioned Vienna, would not have let her know that there had been any mistake, and would just come up with a lovely UK trip instead.

He wants the credit for having 'thought' of Vienna, without actually going.

Op - wait to see what he comes up with now. If it is a rubbish alternative to Vienna, then bin him as he is all talk.

Merkins · 22/02/2023 17:45

lavenderhillss · 22/02/2023 16:34

He’s just told me he booked the hotel, and was going to book the flights tonight which is what made him think of his passport

Entirely possible. I’ve booked a hotel in Oslo for Sept and it can be cancelled until the day before check in without charge. I still need to book the flights. Did the same with Rome last year.

Eyerollcentral · 22/02/2023 17:56

I have had a passport in under a week. Why didn’t he investigate that immediately rather than cancel everything? When he comes round tonight have a couple of nice hotels picked out and see how keen is. Also you don’t need a valid passport to travel to Ireland so you do have some options

ThreeblackCats · 22/02/2023 18:00

He has time to get a new passport. Could/would he move the trip on a few weeks?

Ruffpuff · 22/02/2023 18:06

Well, that’s shit but ffs YABU. He tried to do such a lovely thing for you and made a mistake. So what? Go another time and suggest somewhere in the U.K. instead for now. He probably wanted to tell you because he had been excited about the big plans and didn’t want you to think he’d made you boob time off for nothing.

Original poster
lavenderhillss · 22/02/2023 18:20

Okay so he never actually booked it lol.
He kept telling me he had booked it, he then told me that he actually booked it today.
Fair enough, I said, show me the confirmation email. He said “I can’t get gmail on my phone”.
He then proceeds to tell me that he had typed in his bank details for the hotel, but clicked off it when it came to the flights part because he didn’t have my passport details yet.
So he had no confirmation email. I had to spell it out to him because he said he thought he had booked the hotel part.

Lol. I don’t know how to feel. He said he spent ages choosing the right hotel and researching loads to do because he wanted to get it right. He ended up in tears saying he panicked and he didn’t know what to do about it and that he felt awful….

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 22/02/2023 18:22

lavenderhillss · 22/02/2023 18:20

Okay so he never actually booked it lol.
He kept telling me he had booked it, he then told me that he actually booked it today.
Fair enough, I said, show me the confirmation email. He said “I can’t get gmail on my phone”.
He then proceeds to tell me that he had typed in his bank details for the hotel, but clicked off it when it came to the flights part because he didn’t have my passport details yet.
So he had no confirmation email. I had to spell it out to him because he said he thought he had booked the hotel part.

Lol. I don’t know how to feel. He said he spent ages choosing the right hotel and researching loads to do because he wanted to get it right. He ended up in tears saying he panicked and he didn’t know what to do about it and that he felt awful….

Fgs he is a liar. What are you ‘lol’ing at? He is crying because he has been caught out. Don’t waste any more time with a loser who cannot tell the truth.

TiaraBoo · 22/02/2023 18:23

What a knob!

Clymene · 22/02/2023 18:27

I hope you've left him crying and gone home. What a pathetic loser.

You can't trust a man who lies about stupid things because he'll lie about big things.

I'm so sorry. Can you go and do something wonderful with a friend for your birthday instead?

TiaraBoo · 22/02/2023 18:27

Lying, too cheap to book an actual hotel, too useless to book flights and work out his passport is out of date. But wants the kudos for ‘booking’ Vienna - woo go you big man!

bumpertobumper · 22/02/2023 18:28

I am a bit puzzled by most of the responses on here.
I would feel very uncomfortable with a newish, less than a year boyfriend spending many hundreds of pounds on my birthday present. It seems too much (depending I suppose on his financial situation).
But this sounds like the sort of present a well established couple might buy for each other.
And yes, I think it sounds like you are being a bit unreasonable in expecting him to be more upset and are projecting because of what happened last year.
Try to untangle the different strands and how you feel about each thing.

bumpertobumper · 22/02/2023 18:30

I cross posted with your update

Clymene · 22/02/2023 18:31

bumpertobumper · 22/02/2023 18:28

I am a bit puzzled by most of the responses on here.
I would feel very uncomfortable with a newish, less than a year boyfriend spending many hundreds of pounds on my birthday present. It seems too much (depending I suppose on his financial situation).
But this sounds like the sort of present a well established couple might buy for each other.
And yes, I think it sounds like you are being a bit unreasonable in expecting him to be more upset and are projecting because of what happened last year.
Try to untangle the different strands and how you feel about each thing.

Luckily he hasn't spent anything! So you don't need to worry Smile