I am a lift-taker! Am I a CF?

[whatchaos]

There have been so many threads here recently about lifts so I'd love some advice - I do an activity with a group of friends once a week. It's just 5-10 mins max. drive away but I can't walk/drive/cycle there as it involves bringing large and unwieldy equipment that can't be carried. Our car is always in use at that time as my dh needs it to travel 1 hour away to help his elderly mum with something that happens at the same time every week.
My friend has offered to give me a lift there and back to the activity every week, she's driving practically past my front door.
Am I a CF to accept? Should I try to compensate her? How should I compensate her? Bottle of wine? Should I get a taxi instead? (tbh I think she'd think I was crazy to get a taxi)

What a great suggestion! I'd happily forgo any petrol money for a donation to an animal charity!

I think a lot of people who ask about giving lifts have felt pushed into it by the person they are giving the lift to. But as your friend offered it's probably fine (although I'd get her a thank you sometimes). I used to give a friend a lift to work on 3 days a week and we actually liked it as it made the journey go quickly and also when I went back to my car in the dark it wasn't by myself. So it can work both ways.

If the hobby includes a coffee break, or drinks after, buy her a drink to return the favour.

I have a friend who insists on doing school runs to help me out even if I don't particularly need it. She refuses most times that I offer to return the favour so I bake her something nice like a pavlova or lemon cake every so often and she loves it 😁

Agree with all the posters saying as she offered it's fine, but perhaps a bottle of wine or whatever occasionally.

More importantly, is not to take it for granted. You don't ever get to complain if she's late or can't do it at short notice. In fact, to avoid any doubt, I'd specifically tell you're really grateful but she must absolutely know that you totally understand if she can't or has to be somewhere else on a particular day so it's inconvenient etc. I think people can sometimes offer, not realising it might get awkward, and feel bad then changing the plan. So it's up to you to ensure she knows that's fine.

Be ready and waiting when she's expected. It used to drive me mad when giving a non driver a lift to have to park and knock on his door. He should have been looking out the window and waiting for.me imo. I came at the expected time every week. He should have made things as easy for me as possible.

If a good friend gave me a fiver in a card for giving them a lift to somewhere I was going anyway, I’d think they’d lost their mind. Unless someone is very hard up, do people actually do stuff like this?

OP, most friends don’t mind doing this kind of thing for each other at all. Most of the threads about this on MN seem to be about an acquaintance or someone you don’t know well assuming you’ll give a lift and go out of the way for them. Friends do things for each other. As long as you aren’t a CF friend in general, then don’t overthink this and take her out for a drink from time to time after the activity or another night if that’s not convenient.

"If she really doesn't want anything, no wine, flowers etc. how about making a donation to a charity she supports."

This would be the weirdest thing 🤣

"Thanks for the lift, I'll donate a fiver to the RNLI" 😅

MN is nuts 😂😂

"Anna, thanks, that is really kind of you, so long as you let me make a fuel contribution."

Of course she will say "oh no no no don't be silly" but you just ignore that and you drop £2 every week in that little pocket beside her seat.

I'd leave a pile of £1 coins in her car for parking. I wouldn't ask I'd just leave it and say "I've left some money to say thank you for the lifts -you can use it for parking"

I'm usually the driver when I go out with my friends and often get bought a coffee. I appreciate the thought.

OMG I can't believe how grabby people are on here . Do people really expect money, gifts, chocolate, flowers etc for giving someone a left when you practically drive past their front door?!

Absolute madness. OP, she has offered you a lift, she is going that way anyway so it will cost her next to nothing in terms of time or money. I would say that a 'thank you' is quite sufficient.

This made me howl 😂

Completely agree. I have never offered anyone petrol money and have never been offered petrol money other that by one person who I didn't know and whose child I didn't know but they really needed a lift for their child to get to a competition. I took the child, I refused the money.

If I am getting a lift somewhere I will generally buy the driver lunch, pay for parking/tolls or whatever.

Lifts in my world usually work out pretty evenly.

Agree, petrol money isn’t something I’ve heard since I left 6th form! If someone left stacks of loose change in my car, bought me flowers, made a donation to the local Cats Protection etc because I’d offered to pick them when I was driving past their house then I’d honestly think they’d lost their mind.

Yes tbh my pal would think it completely daft if I donated to charity or gave her money.

Don’t worry I don’t leave her waiting, I stand outside my house and say thanks a lot. I’ll get her something nice that she’d like this weekend, but won’t say it’s for the lift, just more generally because I think she’s great and might like it!

I might see if I can get a cab next week just so she doesn’t feel overly obliged…