I am a lift-taker! Am I a CF?

[whatchaos]

There have been so many threads here recently about lifts so I'd love some advice - I do an activity with a group of friends once a week. It's just 5-10 mins max. drive away but I can't walk/drive/cycle there as it involves bringing large and unwieldy equipment that can't be carried. Our car is always in use at that time as my dh needs it to travel 1 hour away to help his elderly mum with something that happens at the same time every week.
My friend has offered to give me a lift there and back to the activity every week, she's driving practically past my front door.
Am I a CF to accept? Should I try to compensate her? How should I compensate her? Bottle of wine? Should I get a taxi instead? (tbh I think she'd think I was crazy to get a taxi)

It always starts when someone offers you the lift doesn't it? And then people start taking the piss.

On this occasion, I think it's OK as she offered but if it's gonna be a regular thing then yes, start looking to contribute something!

My friend does similar for my daughter I take her out to lunch occasionally.

She's not out of pocket as she drives right past but that is a kind gesture and deserves a kind gesture return.
Flowers or home made biscuits, chocolates or shouting a coffee every now and again is spot on.

Please PLEASE don't do what some have suggested and leave money in the car. I'd be horrified if a friend did this to me. It would make the whole thing uncomfortably seedy.

OP, all you need to do is check very occasionally that your friend is still happy with the arrangement, so that she knows that you're not taking her for granted. And if there's any favour that you can do for her, offer.

You’ve been reading too much MN 😂 If you’re worrying about being a CF you are very unlikely to be one

A thank you each lift and the offer of petrol money is absolutely fine. I’d think it was a bit bonkers if you gave me wine or chocolate- your friend is barely even going out of her way. Presumably this is a normal reciprocal friendship where you do her favours when she needs them too?! Next night out offer to be the designated driver (or similar favour appropriate to your friendship).

She has offered. Maybe ask if she wants some contribution every so often
Or get the odd token gift for her. Just don't do what alot of people do and take it for granted x

I’ve done this-

I have made it very clear that the arrangements works for as long as it works for them so they can stop it change it whatever when they like. I have paid for parking if applicable and offered petrol money. In lieu of that I have given nice bottles of wine or other gifts that I know they like and have reciprocated in other ways.

You’re not an CF as she has offered. Periodically offer petrol money and give her a bottle of wine as a thank you occasionally.
I drive but when I was pregnant and too tired to drive my sister would drive me often, she LOVES coffee and I live next to a nice coffee shop so before she picked me up I used to get her her fave coffee for the drive and she really appreciated that :) I think the fact that you’re even wondering what you can do to show appreciation shows you’re not a CF!

That was me lol xx

I think you have been reading too much MN! In real life friends help friends out without thinking they are CFs lol. Over the years my friends and I have done things like this for each other, each others DCs. If it was me I'd say thanks periodically with a small token such as wine/chocolates etc.

this is mumsnet remember, people will be suggest the colleague is wanting to have your an affair with your daughter.

Self flagellation for 10 minutes a day, £50 a week offering of petrol money, and sacrifice a goat/lamb to the God of Car.

This is what I would do.
Your friend offered, you didn't ask.
It's crazy to run 2 cars anway.
But YES offer petrol money.
If she says no, I'd still give her a small 'thank you' gift every so often as she is still being kind to you.

Accept the lift- buy an occasional bunch of flowers/box of crocs.

@ImAGoodPerson Youre absolutely right, typical MN.🤣

Alrhough there are definitely some real-life CF’s who take advantage of lifts. I’ve experienced this once…won’t bore you with the details, it’s tame compared to @Lonelygirl38 ’s experience anyway. 😀

This! And make clear that it's fine if she can't take you sometimes (eg. going to somewhere else first).

The bits that annoy people are
a) obligation
b) lack of appreciation, so it becomes an expectation rather than a favour IYSWIM.

It's generally not the actual giving the lift that winds people up.

I would maybe try to use your car once in a while if at all possible. Otherwise a box of chocolates, offer to babysit would be nice.

This says it all really….if you spend too much time attached to to Mumsnet hive mind you start to think that people in real life are just as insane😆.

Maybe she enjoys your company and likes to turn up to the activity with you.

Yes, too much MN! It can all seem very transactional on here, whereas IME friendship involves give and take which usually all ends up more or less equal in the more general scheme of things.

I mean, I gave another friend who can't drive a lift to another activity once a week and didn't for a moment dream that she would or should offer anything in return. That same friend that I gave a lift to just helped me out by sharing some work-related material.

With the friend who gives me lifts, I'd love to get her a bottle of a drink she likes if only to show appreciation and because she's such a nice, fun, thoughtful person who I like very much and it would be a nice surprise.

Flowers or wine at Christmas and birthdays and maybe the odd occasional thing in between (surplus veg from the garden, cake etc).Enough to show you appreciate the lift.

She offered, and she was going anyway. That's what friends do. Show you appreciate it by giving her something every so often to thank her for all the lifts - choices, windflowers, whatever. You are being thoughtful even asking about it.

You're definitely not a CF.

I don't take petrol money from anyone, but someone I was giving regularly lifts to the hospital, insisted on giving it to me. I stuck by my guns and refused. They, very cleverly, bought me fuel vouchers from the local petrol station

I've actually been mad enough to figure out what the actual cost is for the person who said I am a CF. I think it costs her c. £1 to get there and back. Even if I covered her petrol costs, we're talking a fiver every month - I do think it would be crazy to offer that, and £20 would be OTT. A nice gesture is definitely going to be found in a bottle of something instead!

You are fine. You have offered petrol money and she has refused. Offer again in a few weeks "Are you sure?" Say thank you!
Generally with my friends we help each other out on an ad hoc basis if we can, e.g. one friend will occasionally look after my dog for a weekend, i give another friend lifts occasionally, etc. It is not precisely equal i am sure but no one keeps count and no one takes advantage. I think as long as she knows you would help her out, i don't think anything else is required. Maybe a bottle of wine or offer of lunch at the end of each term (if it is term based), or even just a thank you bottle of wine at christmas and birthday.

As a none driver I would say no, your friend has offered you want to give her a gift to say thank you and I bet you would be happy to get a taxi off needed.
The cheeky fuckers are the ones who ask, expect and won’t help themselves.