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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much ‘rent’ for child

103 replies

Freshstarts22 · 21/02/2023 10:23

Inspired by a similar thread but different circumstances. 18 yr old, left education at 16 and had worked since. Usually earns over £1000pm but can occasionally be a bit lower. No outgoings as such but doesn’t eat much food at home so doesn’t really cost me in food ect.

when they left education I lost over £300pm in child benefit and UC. I work part time, single parent with a younger child too. I wanted to ask them for money at that time out of principle but didn’t.

Anyway, I’ve decided that 18yr old should be contributing towards bills now. Partly because I could really use the money, partly out of principle and partly because they need to learn how to be responsible.

How much is reasonable to ask for. £50pw?

OP posts:
Original poster
Freshstarts22 · 21/02/2023 21:56

I don’t think he’s saving anything. I think he tries but then spends it. Money is mostly spent on take aways and socialising.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freshstarts22 · 21/02/2023 21:57

Donkeyotey · 21/02/2023 21:02

If you can’t afford to provide for your children then you shouldn’t have them. The idea that children should have to pay for themselves once child benefit stops really gets my goat. How about paying for your child yourself rather than expecting the government (i.e., taxpayers), and then your child, to compensate you?

Oh do fuck off. Never once said I can’t afford my child. Read it again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freshstarts22 · 21/02/2023 21:58

Donkeyotey · 21/02/2023 21:02

If you can’t afford to provide for your children then you shouldn’t have them. The idea that children should have to pay for themselves once child benefit stops really gets my goat. How about paying for your child yourself rather than expecting the government (i.e., taxpayers), and then your child, to compensate you?

Further more, my ‘child’ is an adult with a full time job.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 21/02/2023 22:01

Donkeyotey · 21/02/2023 21:11

@vodkaredbullgirl I just feel sad on behalf of these children who don’t have a hope in hell of buying their own place (at least anything halfway decent) and are made to feel like lodgers in their own home!

These are not children, they are working adults.

ImAGoodPerson · 21/02/2023 22:02

Freshstarts22 · 21/02/2023 21:50

Unfortunately buying a house isn’t even on the radar and is an extremely unlikely prospect at the moment with no qualifications, ambitions, and a minimum wage job. Money is just being frittered away every month.

Show quote history

In that case I 100% would be charging something.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 21/02/2023 22:04

I paid £200 a month until I moved out,

Sliversands · 21/02/2023 22:09

If they are working full time then they absolutely should be contributing to household bills. I've told mine I will support them to complete their education but once they are working I expect a contribution towards the bills.

Donkeyotey · 21/02/2023 22:37

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/02/2023 22:01

These are not children, they are working adults.

Show quote history

They're 18! Children in my eyes. I wouldn't think of them as fully grown up until they are about 25.

It's the principle of it as much as anything. I don't want my children feeling like they have to compensate me for having them - I want them to feel like they always have a place to go where they are welcome and looked after.

Anyone charging their child rent needs to realise that there are a lot of parents out there who intend to buy their children a flat outright, or at least contribute a substantial deposit. If you can't even let them stay at home for free while they save on their own, what hope do they have of affording their own property? I feel really sorry for them.

JaninaDuszejko · 21/02/2023 22:39

So you can't work FT because your younger child is disabled (so presumably will always require care?). And your older son looks like he'll be in NMW jobs for the forseeable. Do you own your own house or are you renting? If renting he need to contribute his share of the rent, if you have a mortgage I wouldn't expect him to pay towards that. You really need to work out how much it costs to have him in the house and charge him that. I bet it's quite a bit more than £200pcm. If he'd gone to University he'd have a lower income and would be spending much more than £50 a week on really crappy accommodation. He certainly wouldn't have £800 pcm to spend how he wants (not many adults have that). I'd also be encouraging him to cut down his spending and save.

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/02/2023 22:42

Donkeyotey · 21/02/2023 22:37

They're 18! Children in my eyes. I wouldn't think of them as fully grown up until they are about 25.

It's the principle of it as much as anything. I don't want my children feeling like they have to compensate me for having them - I want them to feel like they always have a place to go where they are welcome and looked after.

Anyone charging their child rent needs to realise that there are a lot of parents out there who intend to buy their children a flat outright, or at least contribute a substantial deposit. If you can't even let them stay at home for free while they save on their own, what hope do they have of affording their own property? I feel really sorry for them.

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My 25 year old dd, saves up enough money and help towards household bills. Please don't feel sorry for my adult dd, she is happy to pay her way.

PearsOfWisdom · 21/02/2023 22:45

I have three teens and i think that 200 / month is too little, he wouldn’t get a flat share plus bills for that.

WeAreBorg · 21/02/2023 22:53

Ooh OP with the additional info you’ve given I’d charge him for costs then take another £200 or so and put it in savings for when he’s grown up a bit. Which given his current presentation may be when he’s about 43.

Ive done a bit of a u-turn on this one which goes to show every case is different. You definitely sound like you’ve been patient with him and he’s not really taking life seriously. Totally different matter if he was in education or grafting away to improve his career prospects.

ImAGoodPerson · 21/02/2023 23:33

Donkeyotey · 21/02/2023 22:37

They're 18! Children in my eyes. I wouldn't think of them as fully grown up until they are about 25.

It's the principle of it as much as anything. I don't want my children feeling like they have to compensate me for having them - I want them to feel like they always have a place to go where they are welcome and looked after.

Anyone charging their child rent needs to realise that there are a lot of parents out there who intend to buy their children a flat outright, or at least contribute a substantial deposit. If you can't even let them stay at home for free while they save on their own, what hope do they have of affording their own property? I feel really sorry for them.

Show quote history

Bloody hell, I owned my own home at 22, pregnant at 25. If I couldn't raise my child to be an adult before 25 then I'd think I'd done a pretty shit job. 25 is way after uni age.

I would like to not charge mine as long as they are saving for a house etc but if I was a single parent then I may need to or if they were shocking with money then I'd take some and secretly save it for them. Its not about charging rent, it's them contributing to their costs when they are full time working adults. Not everyone is in the position to fund adults who are working full time especially one who throws their money away on food/clothes.

ImAGoodPerson · 21/02/2023 23:34

PearsOfWisdom · 21/02/2023 22:45

I have three teens and i think that 200 / month is too little, he wouldn’t get a flat share plus bills for that.

I don't understand the relevance of this at all. Why would you want to charge an 18 yo the same price as a flat share, landlords charge more to make a profit over their mortgage.

Floralnomad · 21/02/2023 23:41

Unless you want them at home forever you would be better off making sure that they are saving some money over giving you rent , and I don’t mean take it off them and save it for them either as that teaches nothing . Half the problem in this case , with an 18 yo who is frittering away his entire wage is that his parent should have been teaching him how to budget at a much younger age .

Original poster
Freshstarts22 · 22/02/2023 07:14

Donkeyotey · 21/02/2023 22:37

They're 18! Children in my eyes. I wouldn't think of them as fully grown up until they are about 25.

It's the principle of it as much as anything. I don't want my children feeling like they have to compensate me for having them - I want them to feel like they always have a place to go where they are welcome and looked after.

Anyone charging their child rent needs to realise that there are a lot of parents out there who intend to buy their children a flat outright, or at least contribute a substantial deposit. If you can't even let them stay at home for free while they save on their own, what hope do they have of affording their own property? I feel really sorry for them.

Show quote history

But my child has no intention of saving anything and no desire to own their own home. Should they just live for free forever whilst frittering away up to £1200 a month on food and drink? How is that preparation for the real world.
My view on it would be totally different if they had completed school or went to college or uni.

OP posts:
Gwen82 · 22/02/2023 07:19

So he’s on min wage, no qualifications and likely to stay on or near mIn wage for life?

and you say he is aimless. No desire to save and you don’t seem to think highly of him at all!

🤷‍♀️ charge him. Don’t charge. Will likely all go the same way eventually anyway

Gwen82 · 22/02/2023 07:20

By the sounds of it… you should be rejoicing that he’s even managed to secure a half decent paying job op rather than completely pissing on his parade

JustDanceAddict · 22/02/2023 07:23

I’d charge £50pw in your circumstances if you need the money.
We don’t charge DS as hopefully he’s going to uni in sept but if he doesn’t go we’ll probably charge a nominal amount - he says he spends about £100 a week on average so he could easily afford it but prob wouldn’t save that much.

Changechangechanging · 22/02/2023 07:27

Your reasons are a bit skewed in that you lost CB, you had 18 years notice on losing that money and its not up to him to replace that

Seriously? The OP still has her 'child' at home, still showering, requiring warmth, and no doubt helping himselfvto whatever he fancies out the fridge or making coffee, toast etc. In other words, it probably isn't costing her less than it did when she had child benefit It might not be up to the child to replace it but presumably he doesn't want to leave or genuinely share the cost of managing the household.

In which case what do you think people on limited incomes should do?

Changechangechanging · 22/02/2023 07:31

Anyone charging their child rent needs to realise that there are a lot of parents out there who intend to buy their children a flat outright, or at least contribute a substantial deposit. If you can't even let them stay at home for free while they save on their own, what hope do they have of affording their own property? I feel really sorry for them

And I feel sorry for the people living up there in their ivory towers who cannot get their heads round the fact that some people don't have disposable income sufficient enough to support an additional adult. Life must be very limiting, not knowing a range of people from all walks of life, and that's without the ability to just think a bit.....

Skyeheather · 22/02/2023 07:35

TwilightSkies · 21/02/2023 10:43

Are you able to increase your working hours?

Why should OP work more hours while her DC has £1000 a month to spend on whatever they like? How many people have £1000 a month disposable income?

If they are a working adult they need to pay their way.

Notreallyhappy · 22/02/2023 07:41

£50 sounds reasonable per week. Insist they buy toiletries / phone etc for themselves too. They'll be with you for a long while and need to help out like an adult.
My ds still lives at home and I doubt he'll move out soon.

LolaSmiles · 22/02/2023 07:50

I'm not a fan of charging children to live at home the second they turn 18, but with the extra information I think you're right to expect him to cover his costs for living at home.

He should cover his own living costs, but shouldn't be expected to make up the shortfall in your benefits/account for the fact you've chosen to work part time.

JimBobbin · 22/02/2023 08:16

Freshstarts22 · 22/02/2023 07:14

But my child has no intention of saving anything and no desire to own their own home. Should they just live for free forever whilst frittering away up to £1200 a month on food and drink? How is that preparation for the real world.
My view on it would be totally different if they had completed school or went to college or uni.

Show quote history

This is the problem, that he doesn't want to save. If you need the money then I think £50pw is fine. I imagine you put together some figures for food, council tax and a bit towards bills and show him that he is costing you more than that. Frame it as paying board rather than rent maybe, and make it clear it doesn't actually cover the full cost but that's ok, you're only asking for some help towards it.

However there's a risk he pays you the £50 and feels there's even less point trying to save now, because you have "taken" the money he would have had to save. Try to convince him to start saving as part of the same conversation at the same time. Maybe suggest he pay you more and you save the extra for him, if that would help him. Saving is the key to whatever he wants to do next - buy a car, pay for car insurance, put a deposit on his first rented flat or house share.