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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much ‘rent’ for child

103 replies

Freshstarts22 · 21/02/2023 10:23

Inspired by a similar thread but different circumstances. 18 yr old, left education at 16 and had worked since. Usually earns over £1000pm but can occasionally be a bit lower. No outgoings as such but doesn’t eat much food at home so doesn’t really cost me in food ect.

when they left education I lost over £300pm in child benefit and UC. I work part time, single parent with a younger child too. I wanted to ask them for money at that time out of principle but didn’t.

Anyway, I’ve decided that 18yr old should be contributing towards bills now. Partly because I could really use the money, partly out of principle and partly because they need to learn how to be responsible.

How much is reasonable to ask for. £50pw?

OP posts:
Firsttimemum120 · 21/02/2023 12:35

My mum charged me 150 a month when I lived there but not strict so sometimes I didn’t pay it at all. I since have moved out and had my own child I’m 17 years off this and in an ideal world I would like to never ask my child for board and my partner is the same. However I’ve seen and heard a lot of parents take money from their child to save it for them without them knowing until something big comes up and I’d be that parent but as I said I’m not there yet.

Nobody can tell you how to feel or what to do but I would say £200 a month is too steep but again it depends how much they earn and of course the cost of living is going up and you’ve lost out so it’s all got to factor in but it isn’t your child’s fault that you are now loosing out because they’ve become of age. If I was in your situation I’d be thinking am I working full time? If I’m not can I work more hours now I'm loosing out on that money.

Maybe even have a conversation and be honest about the loss and be honest about what your thinking and just tell them
you'd like a contribution of a maximum of £££ a month are they willing to help and pay and they’ll tell you how they feel and what they are willing to do. It’ll only work and your child will only be happy if it works for them too. I mean at the age of 17 most of my money went on food and clothes and I’m watching my nephew do the same at the age of 17 🤣.

its a tough time so it’s understandable

TatFwat · 21/02/2023 12:55

Well you will lose your single adult council tax rate now too so YANBU to ask for a contribution to their costs in the household.

£50 a week seems fair and should cover their council tax, water etc.

My mum charged me 25% of whatever my take-home pay was that month back in the day when I lived at home. This was for 3 or 4 years and the amount she got from me varied from as low as £100 to as high as £400 some months.

I did not save a single penny during my time at home despite having 75% of my income left for fun, but I did learn how to live within my means and pay my bills.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 21/02/2023 13:01

£50 a week sounds more than reasonable, but I would also be encouraging him to save a reasonable amount.

To put it in perspective, his school friends who have gone to uni are likely to be paying somewhere between £150-£190 a week for a room with a shared bathroom and kitchen so he'd be getting a pretty good deal.

ImAGoodPerson · 21/02/2023 13:32

Firsttimemum120 · 21/02/2023 12:35

My mum charged me 150 a month when I lived there but not strict so sometimes I didn’t pay it at all. I since have moved out and had my own child I’m 17 years off this and in an ideal world I would like to never ask my child for board and my partner is the same. However I’ve seen and heard a lot of parents take money from their child to save it for them without them knowing until something big comes up and I’d be that parent but as I said I’m not there yet.

Nobody can tell you how to feel or what to do but I would say £200 a month is too steep but again it depends how much they earn and of course the cost of living is going up and you’ve lost out so it’s all got to factor in but it isn’t your child’s fault that you are now loosing out because they’ve become of age. If I was in your situation I’d be thinking am I working full time? If I’m not can I work more hours now I'm loosing out on that money.

Maybe even have a conversation and be honest about the loss and be honest about what your thinking and just tell them
you'd like a contribution of a maximum of £££ a month are they willing to help and pay and they’ll tell you how they feel and what they are willing to do. It’ll only work and your child will only be happy if it works for them too. I mean at the age of 17 most of my money went on food and clothes and I’m watching my nephew do the same at the age of 17 🤣.

its a tough time so it’s understandable

The OPs son earn £1k a month, thats a lot to spend on food and clothes. My DS has just turned 17 and earns around £800 a month, we don't charge him anything as he's in full time education also but he saves 70% off what he earns so he's not wasting it. The other 30% goes on food and clothes mainly 😂

Thatcatisdrivingmenuts · 21/02/2023 16:02

One of mine, who is at home, pays £350 a month, and I may put it up. They were paying less, until I discovered they had saved very little. It seems mad to me to be out of pocket, whilst they fritter endlessly. What life skills is it teaching them?

CeriB82 · 21/02/2023 16:13

My DD Is 21 and is in her final year of uni. Still living at home. I charge £50 pcm. I could charge more but i dont want to. She buys a lot of her own food, own phone, pays her petrol/car tax/insurance m. And is saving for a new car (more reliable as she needs one once she qualifies as a teacher).

only then i will charge more.

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 21/02/2023 17:05

gogohmm · 21/02/2023 10:54

I wouldn't charge board myself but I can see your predicament. Is there any chance you can work full time now?

I possibly would, to hand back as a lump sum when he moved out.

TwilightSkies · 21/02/2023 19:27

Are you able to increase your working hours?

What's that got to do with anything?

Youngsters need to be able to budget. Sit down with them and go through the bills on a spreadsheet. 50 sounds reasonable to me

Yeah, parents need to budget too. If the OP is struggling with money, why isn’t she working full-time? Rather than just taking her child’s money. (Nothing wrong with doing both).

saltwater1985 · 21/02/2023 19:34

My DD (17) is in the RAF and pays £22 pcm accommodation!

She does have to pay for her own food but that's all.

She's saving loads.

I'm sure I paid my mum £200 pcm as a teen but that was 20+ years ago

LadyOfTheFliessssss · 21/02/2023 19:35

I'd only ask for money I desperately needed or that was clearly going on their extravagances. I'd say it's more important for them to save. This could be their only opportunity to get on the property ladder. Once you get into the cycle of rent or faux rent, it can be nearly impossible to get out of it.

It shouldn't be that way and I don't agree with it. I think he should have spare money for you but a grand these days is nothing.

Talapia · 21/02/2023 19:37

We ask for a sixth of take home pay and ask that they save at least another sixth.

Dacadactyl · 21/02/2023 19:40

Even if I was a multi millionaire, I'd charge my kids rent if they were earning. You do them no favours otherwise. 200 quid a month is reasonable.

RealBecca · 21/02/2023 19:41

£300. Not because it's what you've lost.

It was £50pw about 15 years ago and he still has £700 to spend on fun which is a hell of a lot.

Think how much he eats at home. Plus you arent eligible for a single adult council tax reduction. Then room.

Ragwort · 21/02/2023 19:43

Lady 'a grand these days is nothing' Shock what planet are you living on?? The OP says her DS earns at least £1000 a month ... if he gives OP £200 a month he will still have over £800 a month for his expenses ... which apart from travel presumably are all things he can choose how he spends it ... clothes, social life etc ... hopefully he will be saving as well.
£50 per week is very reasonable.

LadyOfTheFliessssss · 21/02/2023 19:55

Ragwort · 21/02/2023 19:43

Lady 'a grand these days is nothing' Shock what planet are you living on?? The OP says her DS earns at least £1000 a month ... if he gives OP £200 a month he will still have over £800 a month for his expenses ... which apart from travel presumably are all things he can choose how he spends it ... clothes, social life etc ... hopefully he will be saving as well.
£50 per week is very reasonable.

This one, unfortunately. A thousand pounds is worth significantly less than it used to be. It's pretty much nothing if you're trying to pay rent, bills, food, fuel, insurance etc.

Trying to save for a deposit is almost impossible unless you're heavily subsidised by continuing to live at home.

As someone who will never ever be able to afford a home, I wouldn't ask for any more than I absolutely needed.

Dacadactyl · 21/02/2023 20:01

LadyOfTheFliessssss · 21/02/2023 19:55

This one, unfortunately. A thousand pounds is worth significantly less than it used to be. It's pretty much nothing if you're trying to pay rent, bills, food, fuel, insurance etc.

Trying to save for a deposit is almost impossible unless you're heavily subsidised by continuing to live at home.

As someone who will never ever be able to afford a home, I wouldn't ask for any more than I absolutely needed.

Show quote history

Well he can move out and see how far his grand gets him when his mum still isnt subsidising him, if he doesn't like it. 200 quid is still mum subsidising him.

He's an adult and should pay.

Maray1967 · 21/02/2023 20:04

AllWorkYoPlait · 21/02/2023 10:41

Ours are a few years off from this, but I'm thinking around 20% of take home pay once they're out of education. They won't be going to uni. This will cover utilities, rent, basic toiletries/cleaning stuff, normal food shop.

Ideally they'll also save 20% and can then enjoy the remaining 60%.

I'm sure they'll end up getting some of it back at some point in the future.

This is what I’d do. Close relatives did similar -20 per cent of take home pay and encouraged saving.

Ragwort · 21/02/2023 20:06

But in this case he's not using the £1000 for rent, food, fuel etc is he? Confused ... he's more or less got it as 'spending money' so of course he should be contributing towards the household costs incurred in living at home.

Triphazard22 · 21/02/2023 20:09

I am a single parent and could not afford to let my two boys live at home for free.
I added up all the joint costs that having them live here affects, so food/toiletries, gas, electricity, council tax, water, broadband etc and divided that by 3. They pay a third of that total cost, £300 each.
I still cover all insurances, mortgage, pet costs etc as I'd have these costs regardless of whether they lived here.

Donkeyotey · 21/02/2023 20:10

I couldn’t charge my children anything. I would make sure they were saving for their own place (by charging them rent and saving it for them if need be) but I’d never take their money for myself.

How do you expect this child of yours to ever get on the housing ladder? Have you seen the price of property these days? That generation has been totally screwed in every way - I think the least you could do is let them stay with you and save their money for their own place.

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/02/2023 20:11

My dd pays me £500 a month, but she is in full time work and is a lot older. I'm a single parent and work full time too.

GenuinelyDone · 21/02/2023 20:11

Personally I'd be more black and white about it.

List the literal extra expense of having your child live with you (25%) council tax. Then their fair share (a quarter/third eg) of shared resources...
Gas
Electricity
Water
Broadband
Shared groceries (washing powder etc)

Sit down with them and explain that you need this as a minimum contribution towards the household budget as they are working and living with you.

I think that's fairer than a number plucked out of thin air (although appreciate it may well balance out at £50 per week!).

Not everyone can absorb the cost of another adult living with them, but anyone can be fair about the amount they ask for.

Suzi888 · 21/02/2023 20:11

Depends how much you need. I would (if possible) consider charging eg £40 a week but saving £20 for them but not telling them and saving it up for the them.

gettingalifttothestation · 21/02/2023 20:12

I think 10 percent of income is fair

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/02/2023 20:13

Donkeyotey · 21/02/2023 20:10

I couldn’t charge my children anything. I would make sure they were saving for their own place (by charging them rent and saving it for them if need be) but I’d never take their money for myself.

How do you expect this child of yours to ever get on the housing ladder? Have you seen the price of property these days? That generation has been totally screwed in every way - I think the least you could do is let them stay with you and save their money for their own place.

Not all of us have that luxury.

Oh and my dd has enough savings to move out, if she wants to.