To enjoy a really boring life

[merciboocoo]

Just that really. Since having my second baby I feel like I've got very boring. But I'm ok with it. I wfh so rarely see colleagues. I meet up with friends once in a blue moon which I always enjoy but am happy to get home. My life is a series of routines...school runs, work, clubs, evening meal, bed repeat. At weekends it's usually the kids commitments (sports, parties etc) followed by downtime like swimming, pub lunches or walks. We rarely go far.

I walk daily and get immense peace from just being outdoors in nature with my music on. I can't be arsed with other people and their dramas. I love reading and just being at home with my family. Does this sound like a really boring depressing life? At one time I would have thought so.

I've just learned to enjoy the simpler, quieter pace of life.

and yet here you are starting a thread on mumsnet asking if others thinks your life is very depressing and boring

and indeed to describe your life as “boring” in your thread title

It indicates to me that you’re not entirely comfortable with your life Op

Eh, she is just idly musing, like most of us do.

I’m also confused by this false dichotomy between living quietly with your family and “drama” and curious to know what exactly is meant by “drama”?

A lot of people on these threads seem to reach a point in life where they find friendship with other women difficult and the day to day frictions these entail are put down to “drama” and used to trigger a wholesale cull of friendships.

I think this is pretty unhealthy. Of course people should not feel they have to tolerate toxic behaviour from friends but a lot of this seems to stem from an inability to deal with trivial differences of opinion and often coincides with a long term relationship and a belief that retreating into the security of the family will get rid of all these problems. It’s a bit of a cop out.

The problem is that some degree of friction or “drama” as it’s calling on here is inherent in human relationships. The idea that one can simply avoid it by spending all free time with one’s husband and children is not a great recipe for resilience and for having a strong network. If you can’t deal with “drama” from friends you sure as hell won’t deal well with it if you fall out with your spouse.

Isn’t it better just to have a range of people to rely on rather than narrow it down to one?

@Gwen82 there's always one isn't there 😂

I'm not asking for validation, I'm just thinking out loud. My life isn't perfect. There are lots of ways it could be improved. Im just trying to say my interests have changed over the years and I now find a lot of joy in things I used to consider a bit boring. It's probably true for a lot of people, nothing remarkable.

Mine aren’t far off and I spend my weeks doing school drop offs and taking them to sports activities, but I don’t feel empty or irrelevant. I love watching them play sport and I’ve enjoyed learning about things they’re interested in that I wasn’t.

No they don’t want my attention constantly, but being needed morphs into them wanting to spend time with you. Enjoying being at home (I still love this) changes into enjoying going to restaurants and on city breaks as a family.

I agree with this. And also that modern life / social media etc paints an idea that a) we should be happy all the time, which is not really the case, sometimes we'll be sad or down and that's ok, that's part and parcel of life and b) that happiness is some big exciting blissful state. I think there's really a lot more to be said for contentment, and finding contentment in day to day things.

I am guessing that OP and other posters do not have the kind of teens who shout "I hate you" and stagger home drunk at 2 am 😁I have had more drama from them than any of my friends.

But surely what you’re describing is universal? Pretty much everyone I know bar teens likes relaxing in a nice home and going for walks? It’s natural to cocoon when kids young as going out such an effort and they take it out of you. As they get older most women I know get a second wind. Enjoy being low key but resume the hobbies / culture / travel and yes dancing!

I was like this for years with small kids and then since lockdown have had a balance of getting out and having fun/trying new things/being sociable and shutting myself away.

Agree with every word of peoplevwork post.

Personally I need a balance in my life and if it goes too far either way I’m less happy. I know I would feel frustrated and isolated if I didn’t socialise with others and didn’t do cultural / outdoorsy things at all. Also I think having a full happy life is important to model for older children and teens. Mum sat at home on the sofa all the time isn’t massively inspiring. They take from what you do not what you say.

@Lentilweaver

I am guessing that OP and other posters do not have the kind of teens who shout "I hate you" and stagger home drunk at 2 am 😁I have had more drama from them than any of my friends

Exactly.

I find it bizarre that people think family life is inherently more peaceful and Zen than having friendships. Even in a harmonious family there are always tensions.

When family life becomes challenging in various ways (as it inevitably will do), those outside friendships will be a huge source of respite. Let them atrophy at your peril.

My mum lost almost all of her female friends over the years due to distance, lack of effort and this retreat into the nuclear family and really regretted it. It’s not t be recommended.

Having a lovely group of local like minded friends going through the same stages with their kids is incredible if you can build that when they are young. Helps you survive the teen drama…

We had a minor incident with a teen and I so nearly would have flown off handle and ranted and raved at her but after an evening out with lovely friends we took a totally different (and far better) approach.

YANBU, my parents were awful and made our house so tense and stressful growing up (followed by split, police involvement, ‘tell your dad this’ ‘tell your mother that’, random long abusive text messages, blah blah) that I love my
simple uncomplicated home life and see happiness as just a moment without suffering or drama.

I felt just like that! The baby years were pure bliss for me, I loved my peaceful little kingdom at home. Up til youngest DC was age 8 I didn’t understand why some people get ‘bored at home’.

But now suddenly the DC done need me as much and I’m restless and so bored and bizarrely missing the job I quit in glee 15 years ago.

So treasure this peace because it may not be forever.

This is me too. Absolutely hate going out in the evenings these days.

It's whatever makes you happy. What about exercise though or sport, it's important to get some.

It's a shame that people can't take this thread for what it is. Some idle musing about enjoying the simple things in life. That's it.

I haven't said I don't need and value my friends. I repeatedly said I don't base my entire being around my family unit. I explained what I meant about the drama comment earlier.

I do far more than sit on the sofa. I see friends fairly often although not as often as I once did. I work. I have hobbies and interests that are independent of my family. I literally started a thread about enjoying walks and peace lol. Only on MN could people pick fault with that.

@merciboocoo

It's a shame that people can't take this thread for what it is. Some idle musing about enjoying the simple things in life. That's it

You don’t get to police how people respond though. That’s the whole point of a discussion thread, it’s open to other people’s opinions and interpretations and you don’t get to veto this because it doesn’t suit you.

I’ve specifically said I can relate to how you feel because I have felt like this too and I can empathise. But I’m older than you and I have seen first hand what happens when people retreat too far into the family shell. An awful lot of women end up feeling very trapped like this and bitterly regret not making more effort with their friends.

It’s also odd that you have put this on AIBU if you aren’t experiencing some doubts about it. If you were totally confident that you are living your best life it would not merit this post.

I enjoy life full stop. Whether that’s curled up in bed early with a book or enjoying a glass of wine with a friend or going for a long walk with my children

ultimately though… if one of my children wasn’t happy for some reason or another, whether not happy at school or ill health - then I couldn’t imagine being happy.

only as happy as your unhappiest child!

@Thepeopleversuswork I'm not struggling with how people are responding, I'm struggling with how people are either deliberately or unintentionally missing the point. I haven't completely withdrawn from my friends. I enjoy their company more now than I ever have. I just don't see them as often. People are responding as if I've declared im becoming a social recluse and no longer need anything outside of my dh and children. This isn't the case. I said myself that this is a season. It will change. But for now it's one that I am enjoying.

You're right though AIBU is clearly not the place for anything that expresses any sort or positivity. I used the word boring in the title because once upon a time I would have found this lifestyle boring and stifling. Now I don't.

I literally started a thread about enjoying walks and peace lol.

might be worth rereading your thread title and thread OP

When I worked in the office pre covid there were always office politics and falling out for example.

well if that was your working environment… no wonder you prefer now. Sound crap!

@merciboocoo

Fair enough. I'm not disagreeing at all with the premise of your post. I also like the simple life and love being in nature and the quiet routine of family life. It's hard to disagree with any of this. It was just this phrase:

I can't be arsed with other people and their dramas.

Because it presupposes that interaction with other people outside the family always entails "drama". This just doesn't in any way correspond with my experience of life and I very strongly think people need "other people" for their sanity. I routinely see women with young families post things on Mumsnet like "I can't be arsed having friends any more, I just like my little family". Which always makes me shudder a bit because these same women typically tip up ten years later bored silly and with their marriage, in a rut, skint and wishing they'd held onto their support networks and jobs.

Your comment about "other people and their dramas" had a whiff of this for me and I kind of wondered why you were setting up a duality between quiet family life and "people and their dramas".

If I've misinterpreted that then I stand corrected. I'm happy you enjoy your life and there's nothing wrong with being "boring" as you put it. I'm boring too but I do prioritise my friends because I would be lost without them.

@Thepeopleversuswork I do stand by the point that being around people often increases drama. People bring drama. Even my very best friends get on my nerves if I see them too much and vice versa. I also think I've been guilty in the past of having a few toxic friendships where there has been a lot of second guessing myself and unnecessary issues - for example I had one friend who would get the serious hump if I couldn't meet up when she wanted or if I ever forgot to reply to a text etc. it got quite draining and those sort of things I'm pleased to be free of. In the past I felt compelled to stick with these relationships even when they made me uncomfortable. Now I'm older and a bit more assertive I'm more able to asset boundaries and also happier in my own company.

But I totally agree that good, healthy friendships are an important part of life. I really do value my real friends and would be lost without them.

@Gwen82 I'm just ignoring you because you seem fixated on pissing on my chips and that says way more about you than anyone else 😂