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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To enjoy a really boring life

109 replies

merciboocoo · 18/02/2023 22:03

Just that really. Since having my second baby I feel like I've got very boring. But I'm ok with it. I wfh so rarely see colleagues. I meet up with friends once in a blue moon which I always enjoy but am happy to get home. My life is a series of routines...school runs, work, clubs, evening meal, bed repeat. At weekends it's usually the kids commitments (sports, parties etc) followed by downtime like swimming, pub lunches or walks. We rarely go far.

I walk daily and get immense peace from just being outdoors in nature with my music on. I can't be arsed with other people and their dramas. I love reading and just being at home with my family. Does this sound like a really boring depressing life? At one time I would have thought so.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 19/02/2023 07:26

Abba123 · 18/02/2023 22:19

Sorry but you’re basically describing any women with young children, especially if more than one.

Wait for the “boring” morphing into emptiness and irrelevance once they’re at school full time and you’re hopping between one kids social to another.

I had a shit, horrible, lonely and frightening childhood. I now live this wonderful "boring" life you so disparage and I love the quiet before they're home, I love the fact I am safe and warm, with people I love and trust and I am anchored. I've gone through horrible debilitating "emptiness" throughout my whole childhood so being lucky enough to be able to have this little family and this simple life is a blessing I never thought I would ever get to have for myself. Not everyone experiences it as "emptiness".

Auldfangsyne · 19/02/2023 07:31

Everything in life is a season. It's temporary.

The clubbing/partying days were fun at the time but you wouldn't want to live that lifestyle forever ( well I wouldnt).

Now is the season to soak up the magic of your children whilst they are young.

This is mindfulness - enjoying being in the moment. Well done on achieving contentment!

CeriB82 · 19/02/2023 07:32

im 48 and live rurally. I love my boring life.

dont like crowds, i like my people, CBA making small talk with strangers

i rarely socialise (just with my kinds people) and prefer a glass of wine in front of a roaring fire.

i have teens who are pretty independent

Alwaysworryingoversomething · 19/02/2023 07:38

It sounds lovely. I wish my life was a bit quieter.
Enjoy it and if at any time you want more, you can make some changes.

Original poster
merciboocoo · 19/02/2023 07:38

I am married yes. Husband is ok I suppose 😂
No he's great and we work well together a team managing the dc and the house. He isn't perfect and we do bicker but again, I like nothing more than sitting down on a Saturday night with him, a takeaway and a glass of wine to watch a film in my pyjamas.

Obviously I love my dc and my dh but I am not building my life and happiness around them. Well I am I suppose in the sense that dc are small and need me so I'm there. Started another thread about how I'm finding it so hard that my youngest has just started nursery and is struggling with it. It's not all perfection. Life with dc is hard at times, everyone knows this.

I suppose it's a thread about just taking enjoyment from the simple things in life, avoiding drama and just being yourself. I'm not saying I never see friends or go out or have a drink. I have a few things arranged for the next few weeks actually. But as much as I will enjoy catching up, I will enjoy coming home and being in my happy place more I think.

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 19/02/2023 07:41

Boring is good.
Boring means there's no trauma or drama going on.
We may thrive on danger/ excitement/ living on the edge when we're younger, but eventually it wears thin.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 19/02/2023 08:02

Same for me but my dd are teens and doing well and being less hassle than when they were young.

I also wfh, have a lot of autonomy in my job, I do a hobby with a friend once a week and see other friends once in a blue moon.

I'm so boring in comparison to my 20s and 30s but so much happier and more content

Lentilweaver · 19/02/2023 08:19

Of course you can do whatever makes you happy, but I am confused by the repeated ' drama' mentioned on this thread and others. What is this drama you speak of? I go out with my friends to dinner or the theatre ( not clubbing), and never have any drama.

Lovesacake · 19/02/2023 08:19

I don’t even have kids and I bloody love a boring life now. Walks and quiet times at home interspersed with an occasional meet up with friends for lunch/brunch and I’m happy. I’ve basically given up socialising after 7pm 😂.
it was the lockdowns that taught me how much happier I am with a quiet life and I’m embracing it

Perfectlystill · 19/02/2023 08:32

I think this sounds lovely. We watched telly with all the children last night and went to bed laughing about what we watched and I woke up and thought what a really happy evening it was and how lucky I was to have it.

Aussette · 19/02/2023 08:35

givemeenergyplease · 19/02/2023 00:33

@Aussette Are you thinking not and that’s why she’s so happy? 🤣I sometimes wonder if I’d be happier

Yes, exactly!

although if she is she does not mention him once in her happiness!!!!

StickofVeg · 19/02/2023 08:43

It's great that you feel content. Dh and I did a long walk through the countryside yesterday, we took lunch with us and then got a train back. I know that might not be the most exciting thing but we enjoyed it. Its good to enjoy simple pleasures especially being outside.

DidyouNO · 19/02/2023 08:51

I'm mostly a stay at home mum, always have been and my eldest is 25. I've childminded for years too and have now become a foster carer. My whole life is kids, their routines and needs and being at home. I absolutely love it 😍

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/02/2023 09:06

It sounds very nice and I can very much relate to feeling exhausted at the idea of socialising.

The only thing I would say is be careful of assuming your family will fulfil every need. This is a very seductive point of view when you have small children and life is tiring but shutting friends out through lack of effort is a dangerous road to go down.

What feels gloriously chilled and relaxing when you have tiny kids may become lonely and rather stifling if you never have any contact with anyone outside the family. A spouse and small children can’t sustain you forever. An awful lot of women wake up one day when their kids are teens and wish they’d invested a bit more in their friendships. And if the marriage fails you would be very vulnerable indeed.

Lentilweaver · 19/02/2023 09:12

I love nature walks and spend a lot of time by myself with a podcast or a book. But I also like meeting friends once or twice a week ( I have another thread in Chat about making new friends at 51!) My DC are now at the age where they don't want to spend time with me, DH works very long hours, and I wfh. Totally agree with @Thepeopleversuswork

I am always very confused by the MN credo that there are only two ways to be: go out clubbing and getting drunk every night, or stay in all the time. Surely there is something in between? ( Still confused by the drama as well).

Pureradio · 19/02/2023 09:15

Abba123 · 18/02/2023 22:19

Sorry but you’re basically describing any women with young children, especially if more than one.

Wait for the “boring” morphing into emptiness and irrelevance once they’re at school full time and you’re hopping between one kids social to another.

Well mine are in their 20's now and I'm not bored, empty or have a life filled with irrelevance, speak for yourself!

Aozora13 · 19/02/2023 09:18

I’m with you OP, I love being boring. Up until my mid-30s my life was very insta-worthy with lots of travel and parties but now in my early 40s, with 3 young children and a chronic illness, I’ve slowed right down and have never been happier. I have adopted gentle hobbies like gardening and crochet. I spend a lot more time at home now so am investing in making it really nice (although our living room looks like a T-Rex got loose in Toys-R-Us). Life is too short to be lived the way you think you’re supposed to and not the way that’s best for you.

Dibbydoos · 19/02/2023 09:37

Contentedness is what we all should aim for. What that means is very individual and for sone will mean having a rip roaring, adventurous time every free moment!
Congratulations, it seems you're content x

Gwen82 · 19/02/2023 09:38

Very similar life

but

I sure as heck have never ever questioned whether it’s Does this sound like a really boring depressing life? because I know whether or not I’m happy or bored. And I’m not.

Meterry · 19/02/2023 09:40

It’s not boring, it’s good to enjoy things like nature, that can’t be taken away from you and will stand you in good stead in hard times.

Original poster
merciboocoo · 19/02/2023 09:46

Lentilweaver · 19/02/2023 09:12

I love nature walks and spend a lot of time by myself with a podcast or a book. But I also like meeting friends once or twice a week ( I have another thread in Chat about making new friends at 51!) My DC are now at the age where they don't want to spend time with me, DH works very long hours, and I wfh. Totally agree with @Thepeopleversuswork

I am always very confused by the MN credo that there are only two ways to be: go out clubbing and getting drunk every night, or stay in all the time. Surely there is something in between? ( Still confused by the drama as well).

I think in the past I have found that the more I'm around people the more I experience drama. When I worked in the office pre covid there were always office politics and falling out for example. When I was younger and used to see my friends much more often we tended to disagree and annoy each other more. It turns out the less we are in each others pockets the more we get along and appreciate each others company.

I'm not saying I want to live a life of solitude and have also mentioned a couple of times that I don't rely on my family to bring my happiness (although they do). I've just learned to enjoy the simpler, quieter pace of life.

OP posts:
Lentilweaver · 19/02/2023 09:50

Ah I get you now @merciboocoo . Yes, office politics is horrible. I don't think your life sounds boring, btw. I hate going to the pub myself and love a long walk too. But I got a little too solitary in the pandemic, and am now getting out again.

DorritLittle · 19/02/2023 09:51

OP I am exactly the same and have been since a few years before having kids. (I went out whenever I could when I was younger).

Kids are 13 and 9 now. If I go out, which I do more now they are older, I am looking at the clock at around half ten and thinking of my sofa and my cup of mint tea. An evening event on the calendar stresses me out even if I enjoy it when I get there!

DorritLittle · 19/02/2023 09:53

Ps I also love working from home!

Robyn847 · 19/02/2023 09:56

Boring is very underrated. I love being boring.