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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Starting to look pretty shit

252 replies

givemeenergyplease · 18/02/2023 18:40

Me, I am.

I’m 45, have a 5 year old and just recently I’ve started to get to the stage where I look not great and nothing helps. For example, before I could slap some tinted moisturiser on, mascara etc and look ok and quite presentable…recently, I have such puffy under eyes (no idea why 🤷🏻‍♀️) my skin is so dry…I even now use the big blue Nivea tin at night and it’s the only time my skin feels nice. My hair is dry and without that shine or gloss..used to like my long, dark hair. Now when I put even a light foundation on it almost looks worse and highlights any lines/creases. I want to feel and look good with a glow, what can I do? I know I don’t drink enough water, so I’m working hard on that (often have kidney stones, think it’s due to not drinking enough) I don’t drink much at all these days, maybe four times a year, if that. I haven’t smoked for years. I don’t work out as find it hard to find the time, take the dog for walks most days though, but I know that’s not enough. I live in a sunny place but wear sunglasses and full factor on my face, admittedly not daily, need to get better at this and not just do it when sunbathing.
Any help/tips? Anyone been the same and turned it around?
I realise it could be peri menopause, although don’t really have any of the other symptoms..always tired, but put that down the having a v active child!

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 20/02/2023 06:43

StarDolphins · 18/02/2023 20:34

The only thing that’s improved my face is scrubbing it & moisturising it twice daily, nothing else helps. It’s such a chore but it does make a difference some ijust suck it up!

I’ve only been doing it 2 months &1 of my friends asked if I’d had Botox so that tells you how awful it used to look!

The results have obviously been a success, but the scrubbing sounds a bit painful lol how do you do it.
I do see and feel the difference when I use my face scrub once a week, I've also been using CeraVe SA face wash and it's made a big difference. Although you can't do double cleanses or go over board with that so I miss a few nights out then use it.

thewinterwitch · 20/02/2023 07:28

palelavender · 20/02/2023 05:57

Much as drinking water might be the new religion, I can tell you that the scientific evidence is that you can drink gallons of the stuff and it will not make a blind bit of difference to your wrinkles. I mean I didn't want to accept it - what could be cheaper and easier than drinking more water and looking like a goddess. But look it up - the 8 glasses of water per day was back of the envelope calculations on a war footing and even that agreed that a lot of fluid would come from food. You might feel virtuous, have less constipation and fewer kidney stones but you will not be less wrinkled.

I am not suggesting any particular amount of water. The OP has suffered fron kindney stones for nearly 20 years, and has been told by a kidney specialist to drink more water, and yet still in her mid 40s she has not managed to do this.

All these recommendations for face cream etc will not help her internal organs, which are painting a picture on her face that will only get worse.

Poppingmad123 · 20/02/2023 09:06

@Nersa thank you very much. I am going to give it a try 😊

By the way, has anyone experienced skin itching with hives or aka dermagraphia? I have had it for 6 years now on and off (mostly on). It’s supposed to go away by itself, there’s no real treatment for it, antihistamines sometimes help but no idea how I got it. I assume just natural body changes after having children or immune changes, getting older etc.

Fundays12 · 20/02/2023 09:21

This thread is fabulous and so helpful. I have a pretty good skincare routine so my skin is good but honestly I am really struggling with make up particularly eye make up. What eye make up pallets do people in their 40s use? Most seem to have shine or stick on creases. Do you use a base? If so which one?

capermum · 20/02/2023 09:23

I bet you are a beautiful woman

I would whole heartedly recommend reading “more than a woman” by Caitlin Moran I just finished it and it’s a funny heartfelt celebration of women in their forties

LondonLovie · 20/02/2023 09:31

Two small contributions from me.

  1. Eye lash lift and tint. It opens up your eyes and gives you a little bit of fresher look at the time, even if you don't have time for make up.
  1. Vitamin c serum.
  1. Face massage over facials. It needs to be highly massaging not just throwing on products and taking them off. That's useless other than for a good cleanse. Can do yourself with a facial rollers
CuriousMama · 20/02/2023 11:19

Poppingmad123 · 20/02/2023 09:06

@Nersa thank you very much. I am going to give it a try 😊

By the way, has anyone experienced skin itching with hives or aka dermagraphia? I have had it for 6 years now on and off (mostly on). It’s supposed to go away by itself, there’s no real treatment for it, antihistamines sometimes help but no idea how I got it. I assume just natural body changes after having children or immune changes, getting older etc.

Have you looked at a low histamine diet? Or trying dairy free for a couple of weeks?

Bex000 · 20/02/2023 11:48

No secret miracles I am afraid what will make the biggest difference is:
-sleep
-low stress
-yoga and some cardio exercise
-2l water plus a day
-diet of fresh low processed meals with no refined suger
-no alcohol/coffee
-some light Botox
-daily meditation

Most people can’t achieve all of those, so pick a few and stick with them.

HB8 · 20/02/2023 11:58

RudsyFarmer · 18/02/2023 19:03

Cut out sugar to lose the puffiness.

Hi does sugar contribute to puffy eyes mine are awful

OddSockSeeker · 20/02/2023 13:24

I bought a Sofa Stream and my water intake has tripled. I feel like a child fizzing up the water and enjoy drinking it. After 5 weeks I noticed a new glow to my skin. Walk at least 10,000 steps with your dog every day and at a fast pace with done decent music on. It’ll lift your spirits.

OddSockSeeker · 20/02/2023 13:25
  • Soda Stream 🙈
fleurdelee · 20/02/2023 13:40

@HB8 - does sugar contribute to puffy eyes mine are awful
yes i have just read elsewhere online - and stands to reason as think about how diabetics have probs with eyes...

Mine are also awful = just found a photo of me from Oct 2020 - before the Second Lockdown where I got super depressed and put on a stone and DEF need to address this.

HB8 · 20/02/2023 13:43

Well that’s explains a lot. I’m going to try to cut down full fat cola

threatmatrix · 20/02/2023 14:37

I think it’s the start of the menopause so depends on how you feel about HRT. BIO OIL has helped my face brilliantly.

winningeasy · 20/02/2023 16:10

@threatmatrix check what's in Bio Oil, i don't want to worry you but it contains some pretty hazardous ingredients

Frosty1000 · 20/02/2023 17:06

I'm in my early 40's and my hair is very dry. My hairdresser commented on the texture changing. She's recommended hair rehab by tigi bed head. I've started using it and have added a deep conditioning mask by osmo (both on Amazon btw) and it's better after only 2 weeks.

I've ditched the foundation now use the skin illumination stuff from no7 on top of a very little tinted moisturiser. It really makes you look glowy.

threatmatrix · 21/02/2023 13:02

winningeasy · 20/02/2023 16:10

@threatmatrix check what's in Bio Oil, i don't want to worry you but it contains some pretty hazardous ingredients

Unless you buy vegan most products are.

winningeasy · 21/02/2023 13:39

@threatmatrix don't need to buy vegan, just clean - there is an app called Yuka where you can scan existing ingredients to see how they stack up, it's really surprising how some expensive brands are terrible and some cheaper ones are good

Some ones that are by and large fairly clean and good are

Caudalie
Ordinary
REN
Green People
Ila
Sanex
Jason
Dr Organic
Medik8 (mostly)
Living Proof
Weleda

winningeasy · 21/02/2023 13:39

Also another app called Dirty that does the same thing

Matchingcollarandcuffs · 22/02/2023 08:14

@Poppingmad123 I have this, the dermographism all the time, hives normally only when stressed. I've recently been diagnosed with hypermobility EDS and also have POTS so I suspect it's all part of that.

My question is about being clean. I can't physically every time I have a hot (sweaty) flush so how do you keep yourself feeling clean? Obv artificial fibres are out, as are dark colours that show sweat but I'd boiled over before I'd even reached the office yesyerday. Am I doomed to travel in in my sweaty gear then shower and get ready at work? Will add hours (and kilos to my backpack!

Any suggestions for keeping fresher during flushes?

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/02/2023 09:56

Aroloruns · 18/02/2023 20:23

@Redruby2020

What do you have for breakfast? Try greek yoghurt with some frozen mixed forest fruits? Or cut up some apple, orange, grapes (whatever you have) and add it in. You could also add a bit of granola in, they have nuts or seeds in them too which count as plant foods.

Have a banana as a snack in the am or pm.

If you have chocolate or something sweet for dessert, add in some fruit. Raspberries or blueberries.

Think what can I add in, rather than what can I take away ☺️

@Aroloruns

could you not be adding in lots of extra calories though?

ImAvingOops · 22/02/2023 10:07

@Nersa thank you for the jojoba oil link - I'm going to give that a go, it looks fab

Redkettle · 22/02/2023 10:42

Led light mask off amazon, fillers, water and vegetables. Best combination I find. My face was like a melted candle. I don't care about wrinkles but I lost my structure. Best thing I ever did.

Stewball01 · 28/02/2023 16:24

I'd visit a skin doctor.

Stewball01 · 28/02/2023 16:25

I'd visit a skin doctor.