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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Renew Wedding Vows

110 replies

IrritableCowSyndrome · 18/02/2023 16:40

AIBU to not understand why married couples renew their wedding vows?

I know this isn't necessarily the case, but it makes me wonder if one of them has done something wrong in the relationship, so they are trying to start afresh!

OP posts:
ItsLoudInMyMind · 18/02/2023 16:44

Or they are madly in love still?

It’s not something I would do but I had friends renew theirs after a decade and another friend did after 25 years. Neither had had affairs or done anything wrong.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/02/2023 16:44

I assume someone nearly died, is dying, or someone cheated. No idea why aby

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/02/2023 16:45

No idea why anyone else would do it apart from wanting an excuse for the whole shebang again. We made our vows once and that was enough.

Nimbostratus100 · 18/02/2023 16:47

sometimes because someone significant could be at the actual day? Some friends of mine renewed 2 years after, as mum had been on chemo and couldnt come, but made a full recovery and it was done for her

Yesthatismychildsigh · 18/02/2023 16:47

Attention seeking or an affair. Vows don’t expire.

Nimbostratus100 · 18/02/2023 16:48

also, I knew someone who had a rushed wedding for medical reasons, then renewed their vows a few years later

Nimbostratus100 · 18/02/2023 16:49

I dont really know why more people dont do it! You might think it could happen within a wedding service, a moment when any other couples in the congregation can repeat their vows to each other too

growgrowinggrown · 18/02/2023 16:51

I always assume someone cheated too. I know it's probably not the case, but doesn't stop it being the automatic response.
I think it's daft, you don't need a big party to show you're in love - celebrate the anniversary with a big meal/do by all means.

Idlikeasize8please · 18/02/2023 16:52

I think it's a bit weird and cringey but I wouldn't share that private thought. Didn't Ellen Degeneres do it recently.

Each to their own I suppose, its a harmless activity.

Harebrain · 18/02/2023 16:52

I always assume that one partner’s had an affair!

ZenNudist · 18/02/2023 16:52

I was going to get married in church but then covid got in the way and now I can't face it. If I do decide to do it I don't think my friends will think affair

KangarooKenny · 18/02/2023 16:59

I always assumed that one had cheated.

Original poster
IrritableCowSyndrome · 18/02/2023 16:59

ItsLoudInMyMind · 18/02/2023 16:44

Or they are madly in love still?

It’s not something I would do but I had friends renew theirs after a decade and another friend did after 25 years. Neither had had affairs or done anything wrong.

It just confuses me because you get married at the beginning because you're in love.

Why do you need another ceremony because you've stayed in love?

OP posts:
JackieDaws · 18/02/2023 17:03

Such bitterness.

Companyofwolves · 18/02/2023 17:05

Some people just want another wedding - wear a different dress/do it how maybe they wanted to first time round but couldn’t?
Some for marital probs /affair/re-commitment.
For some it’s a revenue stream/ creating content for their career/attention.
Some hopeless romantics maybe?

skippy67 · 18/02/2023 17:09

I don't get it either.

HeartInDrive · 18/02/2023 17:10

I only know 2 couples that have renewed vows and cheating had happened in both their relationships.

Im sure that’s not always the case, and some people just want and event. It’s just a reason for a bit of a party I suppose.

Floralnomad · 18/02/2023 17:13

I always assume someone has cheated , you make the vows , they don’t need renewing unless someone has broken them .

imstillstanding2 · 18/02/2023 17:16

I agree.

My husband had a brief affair years ago. It devastated me. Rightly or wrongly I stayed with him and we seem stronger now.

He asked if I'd like to renew our vows.

My answer was a big fat NO!

He didn't stick to them first time around so why would I necessarily believe he will stick to them this time around?

Tohaveandtohold · 18/02/2023 17:19

I know someone who did. She was pregnant when she got married the first time, herself and her husband were in their first year at uni and struggling financially and had to do a small, rushed court wedding. 15 years later and life has been really good to them so they wanted to do a full blown wedding with all the shenanigans, no affair and I sort of get it.

crazycatladyof6 · 18/02/2023 17:43

IrritableCowSyndrome · 18/02/2023 16:40

AIBU to not understand why married couples renew their wedding vows?

I know this isn't necessarily the case, but it makes me wonder if one of them has done something wrong in the relationship, so they are trying to start afresh!

Maybe and maybe not. There’s all kinds of reasons. Maybe the first time around they couldn’t afford the wedding they wanted. Maybe something has happened in the relationship and they want to start anew. Maybe there’s been a health scare. Maybe they just want to make new memories. Maybe they have children now who they want at their renewal to witness the live they have for each other.

it doesn’t matter why. It’s fine if you don’t get it but let them have this if they want it. There’s enough shit in this world so I think it’s really nice to celebrate something meaningful and joyous

Fixed · 18/02/2023 17:47

I dont get it. I also don't know anyone in real life who has actually done it.

ProperVexed · 18/02/2023 17:49

Utter load of wank. The stars of the ceremony are either hiding an affair, requiring a new dinner service or vouchers fora holiday, or wanting to be centre of attraction again.

Oysterbabe · 18/02/2023 17:57

I usually assume affair.

Redglitter · 18/02/2023 17:59

My parents did it at their silver wedding. However my Dad arranged it as a surprise for my Mum. The only other people there were my brother & I. The 4 of us went out for dinner afterwards. I dont even think many people knew afterwards.

So it certainly wasn't about attention or wanting presents and neither of them had an affair.

I must admit I do find the ones where its a full on wedding cringey