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AIBU?

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Original poster

Renew Wedding Vows

110 replies

IrritableCowSyndrome · 18/02/2023 16:40

AIBU to not understand why married couples renew their wedding vows?

I know this isn't necessarily the case, but it makes me wonder if one of them has done something wrong in the relationship, so they are trying to start afresh!

OP posts:
Buildingthefuture · 18/02/2023 17:59

I don’t know anyone who’s done it personally, I’ve only ever seen (z list) celebs do it? But I never thought about it being after an affair? Christ, what an awful thought 🥺

R0ckets · 18/02/2023 18:03

I always assume one of the party has been unfaithful too. Vows don't expire and don't in my experience need to be renewed unless one of them has been broken.

If you're still madly in love 10, 25 or 50 years down the line you have an anniversary party not another wedding.

Hopingforno2in2023 · 18/02/2023 18:05

At church one week it was the vicar and his wife’s anniversary and they stood up and asked any married couples in the congregation who wished to to stand up and renew vows all together. It was such a lovely service and I doubt due to an affair.

I get tempted sometimes as unfortunately both DH and I had abusive parents at our wedding (we were young and hadn’t broken free yet). It would be nice to have wedding photos we can actually look at. It is our 10 year anniversary this year and I think we will get a church blessing just us and our son. No guests or presents or announcements etc. will also get some professional photos just for us.

Blossomtoes · 18/02/2023 18:07

Floralnomad · 18/02/2023 17:13

I always assume someone has cheated , you make the vows , they don’t need renewing unless someone has broken them .

There’s a lot more to the vows than fidelity. Why assume that’s the one that’s been broken? Quite honestly when I see some of the reasons people give for leaving their marriage I wonder why they bothered making vows in the first place, they obviously didn’t take them very seriously.

BeatricePortinari · 18/02/2023 18:10

We're thinking of doing this for our 25th anniversary next year.
No affairs.

We're thinking of doing it in Vegas just us there. A funny romantic night out where we revisit the commitment we made to each other.

Just because you said something once doesn't mean it's never worth restating.
My husband told me he loved me years ago and he still repeats it periodically even though nothing has changed. Why do we do that??

I do think involving others in your vow renewal is cringe, why would they care? But a personal revisiting of your feelings and commitment could be lovely.

FoxFeatures · 18/02/2023 18:11

It’s weird. It makes an assumption that vows, like batteries, go flat after a while.

QueSyrahSyrah · 18/02/2023 18:14

I only know one couple that have, no marriage troubles that I'm aware of, it was more like an addition to their anniversary celebration, and a thanksgiving to God for their strong marriage (they're both church-goers).

LondonJax · 18/02/2023 18:19

We renewed our vows at 10 years. No affair. We didn't have a church wedding originally as I was a divorcee and we weren't involved in a church at the time.

Ten years on we were regular church goers in our town so we asked the Vicar if he'd do a blessing. Just us and our DS (who was seven at the time). We didn't tell anyone about it - it was personal to us.

That's it.

VogueDarling · 18/02/2023 18:28

I have an acquaintance who told us all on her wedding day she would be renewing her vows at 10 years just because she likes to be centre of attention
If that day comes I won't attend
But I just don't see the point in them being big events again. If I did it then it would be just me dh maybe our dc but probably won't

tinytemper66 · 18/02/2023 18:33

My parents renewed their vows in Church on their 40th wedding anniversary. Was very common in the Catholic Church.

chantico · 18/02/2023 18:36

Unless it's part of something like a Golden Wedding celebration, then yes I would think it's because the vows had been extremely badly broken (with an affair being the likeliest cause)

Vows don't expire, but can be broken

Zanatdy · 18/02/2023 18:42

I’ve never considered someone’s cheated. It’s just a nice think to do. I wouldn’t go to expense of a proper do though, more likely do it on holiday. I’ve have to get married though first!

Penguinsaregreat · 18/02/2023 18:48

I know 3 couples who have done this, all have been married a long time. I have no idea if there had been an affair. With the last couple she was a pregnant teenager when they married and everyone said it wouldn’t last. They are now grandparents and went abroad, alone, to have a special ceremony. It was probably a fun ceremony and more of an enjoyable ceremony than the first time around.
One of the couples eloped to Gretna Green for their first marriage. This was to escape from overbearing parents. Maybe the renewal was again more of a ceremony the couple really wanted.

watchfulwishes · 18/02/2023 18:55

We keep talking about renewing ours, because we didn't have the wedding we wanted, which was to elope, so we plan to do that. We won't tell anyone, so really it is not even an event/thing at all, but it's nice for us to plan.

Duckingella · 18/02/2023 18:55

I'd like to renew my owe for my sliver wedding anniversary;DH&I have been married 18 years,we married in our very early twenties in a small and very cheap simple wedding:we spent about £500 and we asked people to gift "favours" instead of gifts eg a friend did photography as a hobby,a relative did pasta salads for our buffet,some other family members made the buffet food and we brought the "ingredients",a family member loaned us their large garden for our reception and luckily the sun was shining that day.It was what we could afford at the time,there were no bridesmaids,no hen or stag nights,no frills,not even a wedding dress so to speak,I wore a matching top and skirt combo.

Many of our friends have been waiting until they could afford a wedding and some haven't been married long or some are still not married now as they still can't afford it.

I'd like a renewal somewhere beautiful with our own vows in a proper dress with "bridesmaids" that I'd like to be my daughters,a professional photographer and a party with a band and gorgeous food.I love the idea of having our what will be adult children there.

And no one has cheated.

Floralnomad · 18/02/2023 18:56

Blossomtoes · 18/02/2023 18:07

There’s a lot more to the vows than fidelity. Why assume that’s the one that’s been broken? Quite honestly when I see some of the reasons people give for leaving their marriage I wonder why they bothered making vows in the first place, they obviously didn’t take them very seriously.

Show quote history

There isn’t much that needs renewing though - sickness / health / cherish etc none of that needs renewal . I nearly died a few years ago ( twice) , I didn’t feel the need to get my husband to renew our vows just to check he still wanted to be together through sickness

GoodChat · 18/02/2023 19:04

Some people just like a party.

TribeD · 18/02/2023 19:10

We're very happily married, and while I'd love to hop in a time machine and re-live our wedding day, I don't think we'd ever renew our vows.

Although if we ever end up in Las Vegas I wouldn't rule it out completely

MachineBee · 18/02/2023 19:14

It was myExH suggesting a vow renewal that gave me pause for thought about our marriage. He’d not kept the first lot - lots of affairs, abusive and selfish- I was certain I didn’t want to hear him promise things he couldn’t deliver again.

Simonjt · 18/02/2023 19:19

A few friends who married with essentially no guests during covid have done vow renewals and a reception so they can have a more normal wedding with their family and friends.

Sunshinealwaysfollowstherainstorm · 18/02/2023 19:57

We went to my aunt and uncles renewal a few years ago. I was a little girl and was one of their bridesmaids when they were originally married and have a few memories of the day, like being carried by my granddad because I was wearing ballet shoes and the stones were hurting my feet.
We watched them renew their vows and listened as they told how they met, how they went on to have their children (now grown up) and are now looking forward to enjoying their old age together.

A few months afterwards, I was speaking to my other aunt (the sister) who mentioned my uncle had had an affair years ago, was found out by his wife who then had a revenge affair on him. She didn't go to the vow renewal, as she said they couldn't keep their vows the first time so wasn't going to watch them make worthless vows a second time. It surprised me as I had no idea of either my uncle or aunt being unfaithful. I always thought they were solid and crazy about each other when I was growing up.

BMrs · 18/02/2023 22:24

We had a large wedding in vegas that was pretty traditional, wedding hotel with 49 guests, weddings reception in private room at restaurant with all the usual decor etc. Had an open top bus tour where we stopped to take pictures, elvis sang at the reception etc and was super fun!

Always said we would renew at 10 years in vegas again but couldn't go because of covid. Going this year with couple friends and will be doing a renewal (not planned or booked yet) probably drunk and in a chapel 💒 for the fun of it. We were super nervous first time around and really looking forward to it. Won't share pics on Facebook as we're pretty private so just for us and the friends going. We're very much in love (12 years married now), no cheating or issues and looking forward to something just to celebrate us and no family involvement 😂

whenimcleaningwindows · 18/02/2023 22:32

There's been infidelity in my marriage. It's relatively early days and I need to figure out if I can get over this.

My husband has also suggested we renew our vows.

I don't need to renew mine! I've stuck by my original ones.

Will it appease his guilt?

Does he hope I'll trust him again?

Is it an act to make me believe everything is now ok?

It would be humiliating to stand up in front of friends and family to do this, as they know what's happened and why the vows are being renewed!

Why should I believe him this time?

Hbh17 · 18/02/2023 22:38

Seems to be very "attention seeking" and a bit Smug Married.
Vows are for life, they don't expire and so they don't need to be renewed.

Timesawastin · 18/02/2023 22:57

JackieDaws · 18/02/2023 17:03

Such bitterness.

Oh, do give over. Long term married here ( 35 yrs plus) and I think it's cringy as fuck )

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