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AIBU?

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Original poster

Renew Wedding Vows

110 replies

IrritableCowSyndrome · 18/02/2023 16:40

AIBU to not understand why married couples renew their wedding vows?

I know this isn't necessarily the case, but it makes me wonder if one of them has done something wrong in the relationship, so they are trying to start afresh!

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 19/02/2023 08:02

I personally dont get it but I get why a couple themselves would want to, as I just the two of them

But to have second wedding when there is no divorce I don't get, but usual each to their own

WandaWonder · 19/02/2023 08:04

The first main celebrity couple I think I remember doing it and talking about a lot was Seal and Heidi Klum I think

bluefrog11 · 19/02/2023 08:04

Yep. I always think “hmmm which one of you has had an affair?” whenever I see a bow reveals story.

bluefrog11 · 19/02/2023 08:05

Ha! “Vow renewal story” 🙈

StatisticallyChallenged · 19/02/2023 08:10

We did. Not because of affairs but because both of our families behaved like raging arseholes in the run up to our wedding- and even on the day - which really spoiled it. We always said we'd renew our vows on our 10th anniversary which we did - just us and a very small group of friends as part of a weekend away (short distance and we paid for accommodation for everyone).

Not for everyone but we don't regret it at all.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 19/02/2023 08:14

Nimbostratus100 · 18/02/2023 16:49

I dont really know why more people dont do it! You might think it could happen within a wedding service, a moment when any other couples in the congregation can repeat their vows to each other too

I've done this but we were just on our own at church and it was part of the service.
The thing yo be admired in a long lasting marriage. Is the longevity of the vow keeping!
I think people just fancy a party snd a fuss.

StarsSand · 19/02/2023 08:16

Meh. I used to be judgey about this stuff but post-pandemic I think people should just celebrate the good times, get together and enjoy themselves.

We don't know what the future holds.

Throw the party!

Gensola · 19/02/2023 08:28

People are so bitter and narrow minded on here.
we got married in covid with no guests and no reception and did a vow renewal and reception two years later once we could. No affair. Our family and friends were happy for us and we had a lovely day. Anyone who thought it was cringe or attention seeking was welcome to decline their invitation 🙄 but since our family and friends are actually nice, generous people capable of being happy for others that didn’t happen.

LadyRoughDiamond · 19/02/2023 08:39

I always assume affair to be honest, never for positive reasons.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/02/2023 08:59

Having an opinion isn’t being bitter.

ByeByeMr · 19/02/2023 09:07

I don't get it either. My wedding day was lovely but I wouldn't want to repeat it.

HyggeTygge · 19/02/2023 09:28

Gensola · 19/02/2023 08:28

People are so bitter and narrow minded on here.
we got married in covid with no guests and no reception and did a vow renewal and reception two years later once we could. No affair. Our family and friends were happy for us and we had a lovely day. Anyone who thought it was cringe or attention seeking was welcome to decline their invitation 🙄 but since our family and friends are actually nice, generous people capable of being happy for others that didn’t happen.

And I think most ppl understand that. You realise that proportionally, nearly all existing marriages will have started before covid restrictions though, so most renewals that people have seen won't be anything to do with this?

rothbury · 19/02/2023 09:31

I only know one couple who did this, and yes, he had an affair.

It does seem a bit cringe to me, but each to their own.

BoringLittleMe · 19/02/2023 09:35

DH and I are going up to Gretna Green for a handfasting next year, just because we want to! We had the big white wedding but want to do something a little different for our next anniversary. We're not inviting anyone, though. It'll be just us 😍

WandaWonder · 19/02/2023 09:36

Gensola · 19/02/2023 08:28

People are so bitter and narrow minded on here.
we got married in covid with no guests and no reception and did a vow renewal and reception two years later once we could. No affair. Our family and friends were happy for us and we had a lovely day. Anyone who thought it was cringe or attention seeking was welcome to decline their invitation 🙄 but since our family and friends are actually nice, generous people capable of being happy for others that didn’t happen.

How are people bitter?

KimberleyClark · 19/02/2023 09:38

The only renewal I know of, there was awful snowy weather on the day of the wedding and a lot of people couldn’t make it. They got married in the local church on the day with whoever could make it, but postponed the reception (which was being held in a marquee at their home) for a month and then did the renewal then in their wedding clothes and everything.

R0ckets · 19/02/2023 09:40

How are people bitter?

I'd love to know the answer to this. I'm not entirely sure how explaining that in your personal experience vow renewals are done because someone has broken a vow and cheated makes you bitter.

I have several friends who got married during covid when there were restrictions on numbers. Many of them have since understandably had large parties so those who couldn't attend the wedding could join in and celebrate their marriage with them but none have renewed their vows.

DillDanding · 19/02/2023 09:43

I think it’s daft. Vows don’t expire - that’s what makes them so special.

I’d assume it was due to infidelity or just attention seeking.

BillyAndTheSillies · 19/02/2023 10:01

We were going to renew ours next year but I think I'll skip it now! Had no idea people would think it might be because one of us had had an affair (which isn't the case). We just wanted to be able to have our children with us this time.

Although if we ever happen to be in Las Vegas we probably would because it's what I'd hoped for originally but family politics convinced us otherwise.

Sarahcoggles · 19/02/2023 10:06
  1. first time around wasn't good (vital people missing, affected by illness, disaster on the day etc) and wanting to have a second go at it
  2. bored and want an excuse for a party
  3. relationship in trouble and feel like this will recapture the magic they used to have
  4. someone had an affair and want to reassure everyone that they're back together and stronger

Personally I find it cringey, and the only vow renewal I've been to was a couple who divorced a few months later.

AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2023 10:11

Celebrities do it because it gets them a magazine spread and money.
My SIL and husband did it as a private thing with a couple of witnesses and new wedding rings. He had had an affair with her best friend, left SIL and then came back.

Cosyblankets · 19/02/2023 10:14

I don't understand it either.
Marriage vows are literally I take this person forever. So there's no need to say it again

Stroopwaffle5000 · 19/02/2023 10:16

I assume affair as well

crazycatladyof6 · 19/02/2023 10:18

Seriously, what does it matter what anyone else thinks? It’s about the couple and how they feel. If they want to renew their wedding vows what is it to anyone else? If you don’t like it then don’t go but I’d say that’s pretty low if they are good friends/family and shows you can’t be happy for them.

AngelinaFibres · 19/02/2023 10:20

My grandparents did a blessing of my grandmother's new wedding ring on their 60th wedding anniversary. No guests, just them and the vicar at their original church.They had no money when they first got married and my grandmother always wanted a better wedding ring. When I got married for the second time my mum asked if I would like to have it as my wedding ring. I have worn it for 19 years.