This is a long one bear with. Been with DH since teenagers over 20 years. Married 14 two young primary aged children. Fil passed away 15 years ago. Left mil and SIL. DH always had a slightly enmeshed relationship with her I have on many occasions been second best in important situations and scenarios, unfortunately for me I put up with it. We have always lived 5 minutes away ,he wouldphone or text every day and call in 4 5 times a week. I never had a terrible relationship but weren't mega close and I was on occasion resentful. She could be difficult and obstinate too. DH suffers from ocd and anxiety ftom childhood never sorted by his parents. I had terrible childhood both parents died young and when I was young. He has SIL but she is very emotionally immature and has always relied on DH rather than her own DH.
MIL passed away 7 weeks ago, following 6 weeks in hospital unexpectedly. She was just 80. Not a decriped lonely old lady. Active and busy social life. It was extremely difficult period in hospital as DH was visiting twice a day -prior to any end of life diagnosis. I was working managing children house etc. I have a long term chronic health condition requiring monthly hospital treatment and peri menopausal. Then obviously during pallative he was understandably at hospital large proportion of time .
Since her passing it has understandably a difficult period especially for him but also our older child who has been very upset. During all this time I have been helping practically and trying emotionally but have been DH emotional punchbag. He is full of regrets etc all normal but blames me for not having her for dinner more etc. He isn't working at the moment signed off but is just started counselling. He keeps stating he doesn't know how he's going go live without her etc.
He is out seeing friends , social sporting activities going to gym etc I have encouraged this however he is also glued to his phone constantly messaging etc. He barely talks to me the atmosphere isn't great and affecting the children. I gave suggested just us getting out of the house he nods but never happens yet he is arranging his boys nights etc. I am still doing all house , managing children and working
I know it's really early days in terms of grief but I am struggling to deal with getting all the crap end of DH whilst everyone esle is getting the nearly normal part. I cannot see anyway through at the moment
It's also bought out anger and resentment in me. I have always done things to placate him and his relationship with MIL. Never asked you move further away etc. Always split Christmases, last wishes on mother's day. I am angry he hasn't ever bothered to acknowledge how much perimenopause has affected me and how much my illness does. I am always told eat exercise more etc it will make it better etc
Has anyone got through this successfully