Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kissing newborns on the face

106 replies

AWholeNewWorls · 17/02/2023 20:52

Is it wrong to think only mum and dad should be allowed to kiss newborns? I was advised in one of my NCT classes that visitors should refrain from kissing baby on the face and should wash their hands before holding baby.

I told my mum this and she scoffed and said I shouldn't be "one of those mums" and it will make the baby weird if I mollycoddle like that. She said she raised me and my siblings without any of us catching anything bad etc. and we were all visited by lots of visitors (I have a fairly large and close knit extended family). I am expecting my first DC in about 4 weeks now and nervous about how to politely assert myself when it comes to conflicting views with my mum/MIL.

OP posts:
BashfulClam · 17/02/2023 20:54

No one should be kissing a newborns face, not even the parents. A young child in my town died from Strep B caused by kissing.

Original poster
AWholeNewWorls · 17/02/2023 20:55

BashfulClam · 17/02/2023 20:54

No one should be kissing a newborns face, not even the parents. A young child in my town died from Strep B caused by kissing.

Oh my goodness, that's terrible.

Up until roughly how old is this recommended?

OP posts:
xogossipgirlxo · 17/02/2023 20:58

I also heard even parents shouldn’t kiss face and hands.

BashfulClam · 17/02/2023 20:59

I’m not sure but people with cold sores even if they have no active sore shouldn’t as they can still be infectious for herpes before a sore develops.

Loics · 17/02/2023 21:01

I have 2 toddlers now, and I still wouldn't have anyone but DP and I kissing a newborn on the face. That's because neither of us has ever suffered from cold sores too. My mum has had cold sores before and made a point of not kissing them due to that (her choice), YANBU OP.

BashfulClam · 17/02/2023 21:02

Loics · 17/02/2023 21:01

I have 2 toddlers now, and I still wouldn't have anyone but DP and I kissing a newborn on the face. That's because neither of us has ever suffered from cold sores too. My mum has had cold sores before and made a point of not kissing them due to that (her choice), YANBU OP.

Strep B is still an issuer though as you won’t know you gave it but it can kill a child, a baby doesn’t need kisses.

MrsBunnyEars · 17/02/2023 21:04

a baby doesn’t need kisses.

That’s one of the saddest things I’ve read.

I wouldn’t let a random kids my baby, but grandparents - absolutely. Clearly there’s a tiny chance of something bad happening, but in my view it’s outweighed by the massive importance of showing love fr those close to us.

Loics · 17/02/2023 21:07

BashfulClam · 17/02/2023 21:02

Strep B is still an issuer though as you won’t know you gave it but it can kill a child, a baby doesn’t need kisses.

Show quote history

I was tested for it during pregnancy and was negative.
It's tricky though, I wouldn't stop DP anyway, and having had 2 not suffer any effects from it I wouldn't mind either of us kissing a newborn. I wouldn't kiss anyone else's child regardless.

Rupiduti · 17/02/2023 21:10

I don't know anyone IRL who doesn't kiss a newborn (as in, the parents of the baby) but it's always said on here! I wouldn't kiss someone's newborn on the face but I don't think I'd get worked up about my parents/ siblings giving my baby kiss on the cheek!

laalaaland · 17/02/2023 21:14

No way was anyone kissing my newborn on the face! Kisses on the top of the head are fine. I was 'one of those' mums obviously. I even made my heavy smoker friend put a clean jumper on before holding the baby. shock horror.
Your mama instincts kick in and you give zero fucks what other people think, just put your baby's needs first.

glennncoco · 17/02/2023 23:17

BashfulClam · 17/02/2023 20:54

No one should be kissing a newborns face, not even the parents. A young child in my town died from Strep B caused by kissing.

Hahaha imagine being told you can't kiss your own baby's beautiful face.

Boobsallgone21 · 18/02/2023 02:27

Remember your baby your rules. My daughter in law is expecting our first grandchild and I will respect her wishes because I want to continue to have a great relationship with her and my son. I want to be the MIL I didn’t have. 💐💐

Scottishskifun · 18/02/2023 03:03

It won't make your baby weird or moddycoddled at all there is a reason it's given as advice.

Newborns don't have much of a immune system and several illnesses which are relatively harmless in adults such as a coldsore can kill a baby and have done.

Be firm with your wishes.
I remember kissing DS1 and then a few days later a sore appeared by my mouth I have never felt fear or dread like it (I had never had cold sores) thankfully this wasn't it was just due to being a bit rundown but it could have been very different.

Mariposa26 · 18/02/2023 03:19

YANBU. I’m a couple of weeks behind you and the judgement from my mum over today’s guidance on everything to do with the baby is exasperating. She thinks everything is ridiculous even safe sleeping advice! Stick to your guns even though it’s hard.

LadyJ2023 · 18/02/2023 03:25

4 babies and follow my own rules. Get sick of all the sleep this way, eat that way blah blah mums know what there babu needs not flipping strangers and writers of books

treasurefoil · 18/02/2023 03:31

Mariposa26 · 18/02/2023 03:19

YANBU. I’m a couple of weeks behind you and the judgement from my mum over today’s guidance on everything to do with the baby is exasperating. She thinks everything is ridiculous even safe sleeping advice! Stick to your guns even though it’s hard.

Just remind her she did the best that she knew then, which was good. But we have learnt more and your doing the best you can knowing what you know now. So respecting her parenting but not following it. Parenting/ humanity is constant change and progression. I'm sure something we are doing with the babies is potentially deadly in the future so we will become the people who don't see it.

RosesAndHellebores · 18/02/2023 03:33

My mother and MIL could have kissed the babies' cheeks (mid/late 20s now). Nobody else would have. Hand washing essential and NO kissing on the lips EVER by anyone.

Bloopsie · 18/02/2023 05:56

No one should be kissing newborns face, strep b, heroes etc can be fatal to so little babies.

Partnerfinallytriedplug · 18/02/2023 06:27

glennncoco · 17/02/2023 23:17

Hahaha imagine being told you can't kiss your own baby's beautiful face.

Show quote history

Yeah there is no way I’d stop babies Gp/ aunties or uncles kissing them

autienotnaughty · 18/02/2023 07:27

Kiss top of head is a good compromise but definitely not face/hands at least for first handful of months. Why would people? The baby can get lots of interaction/contact without getting everyone's germs. Your mum's comment was really patronising and dismissive. Hope you don't have a difficult time with boundaries when baby comes.

Isthisexpected · 18/02/2023 07:34

This is the time to learn to say please don't X and Y ...before it's too late and they do it. Tell them exactly what you want and don't and if they're not 100% supportive then they can't visit your newborn. You don't want your baby being given herpes by a selfish adult for starters, let alone the regular coughs and colds that easily turn into something serious within the fourth trimester.

Katypp · 18/02/2023 07:46

Isthisexpected · 18/02/2023 07:34

This is the time to learn to say please don't X and Y ...before it's too late and they do it. Tell them exactly what you want and don't and if they're not 100% supportive then they can't visit your newborn. You don't want your baby being given herpes by a selfish adult for starters, let alone the regular coughs and colds that easily turn into something serious within the fourth trimester.

Oh my goodness. What a way to start a grandparent relationship off. Do you not realise that there are the child's grandparents, your or you partner's parents. How utterly rude. Why do people think having a baby gives them the right to behave like this, dictating in this obnoxious way in the mistaken belief they are advocating for their baby. Don't you want your child to have a relationship with its grandparents?

ChaosAndCrumbs · 18/02/2023 08:01

xogossipgirlxo · 17/02/2023 20:58

I also heard even parents shouldn’t kiss face and hands.

This is totally wrong and an over reaction. How many of us drive our baby around? Risk of car crash. Take our baby to groups? Risk of catching viruses. Wean our baby? Risk of choking.

Its not sensible to avoid kissing your own baby on the face or touching their face for the very minimal risk they may catch something. Babies neurological development is directly influenced by our physical and emotional contact with them. In severely neglected children, one of the remedies for lack of developed muscles in the face is to go back to basics and play games you’d normally play with a newborn or baby - blowing raspberries on their cheeks or playing with their lips with your finger. I have no idea where no kissing or touching faces for parents came from, but it is categorically wrong from a developmental point of view.

Newuser82 · 18/02/2023 08:06

I asked everyone except my husband and I not to kiss our newborns. I was so
Worried about the risk of herpes, especially as two grandparents suffered with cold sores.

One of the grandparents repeatedly 'forgot'. It drove me crazy. I just didn't think it was worth the risk.

Peaplant20 · 18/02/2023 08:26

No one including DH and me kissed newborn on the face, not for ages, I can’t remember when though! It’s really difficult but it doesn’t make you weird or “one of those mums” if you ask people not to, they should respect what you ask. There is a real risk of them catching something (even if it’s only a cold, you don’t want your newborn to get a cold, it’s not fun!). Maybe send your mum the nhs advice, things have probably changed a lot since you were a baby. I think I also used to say things like “do you mind not kissing her on the face, they told us at the hospital not to let anyone,” when we had visitors. Every single person understood. They can moss their hands or the top of their head.

I had my LO during covid and I was amazed about how people wouldn’t hug or kiss me (because of social distancing rules), but lean straight in to kiss baby on the face! Think people get a bit giddy around babies.