Kissing newborns on the face

[AWholeNewWorls]

Is it wrong to think only mum and dad should be allowed to kiss newborns? I was advised in one of my NCT classes that visitors should refrain from kissing baby on the face and should wash their hands before holding baby.

I told my mum this and she scoffed and said I shouldn't be "one of those mums" and it will make the baby weird if I mollycoddle like that. She said she raised me and my siblings without any of us catching anything bad etc. and we were all visited by lots of visitors (I have a fairly large and close knit extended family). I am expecting my first DC in about 4 weeks now and nervous about how to politely assert myself when it comes to conflicting views with my mum/MIL.

kingly suggest gentle kisses on the head or just refrain.

our Midwife strongly suggested this for people with cold sores (easily transferred for life), colds, covid, strep b etc.

Protect your baby unless the person giving the virus wants to care for your screaming baby at 2am.

We'll have to agree to disagree. Sorry but I'm not going to not kiss by newborn.

BashfulClam, a baby doesn’t need kisses I couldn't agree more.

Kissing babies is 100% to do with adults desire to kiss the baby, and nothing to do with what a baby wants or needs. Yet here posters are suggesting it is 'sad' for a baby not to be kissed. It may be sad for the would-be kisser but the baby definitely doesn't need your grown-up kisses.

Frequent, warm and responsive interaction with an engaged and loving caregiver, close physical proximity with skin to skin contact, smiles and laughter, singing, talking, exploring visual, textural and audible stimuli together, are all really good ways of building and reinforcing positive attachment.

I did some kind of attachment parenting with my kids; co-slept, baby-wearing, natural term breastfeeding, lots of physical contact etc. However, I didn't kiss my babies on the lips or get in their faces much. Close, yes. Actually my face in their face? Not unless they initiated it, as a rule, in which case I was responsive.

And don't get me started on tickling.

Oh come on. My babies have LOVED kisses, and tickling for that matter. They'd roar with laughter, it's one of the purest things on earth, kissing your baby all over while they giggle their heads off. It's absolutely for both parties, and the most natural thing in the world.

I honestly think my MIL deliberately kissed DD on the face and hands when she was a baby as MIL thought I was an overprotective mum. It drove me mad because MIL gets cold sores. DH asked her not to and yet she still did it. My Dad gets cold sores and wouldn't dream of kissing a child of any age just in case.

We're talking about newborns though, right?

I'm guessing your babies weren't roaring with laughter when they were a few weeks old, unless they were incredibly advanced for their age!

So much angst, so much hysteria, so much posturing about your rules, so much showing who's boss for a risk that is surely so small it's not worth worrying about.

There is a recent campaign from the Kit Tarka foundation explaining the risks around neonatal herpes and why newborns shouldn’t be kissed on the face.
Its rare but can be fatal

www.maternityandmidwifery.co.uk/think-hands-and-no-kisses-preventing-neonatal-herpes/

Even people who have never had an outbreak can be carrying the herpes virus and can pass it on. Some people have an immune system that means they don't get the sores but still shed virus so no one should be kissing a baby near the eyes, the mouth or any sore/broken skin. Far safer to say no kissing the face. Kiss somewhere with thicker unbroken skin and keep them safe.

Not as sad as giving them herpes.

I was kissed as a toddler, got herpes (cold sores) I get them badly and as a teenager would get an outbreak at least once a month. I didn't get the nice neat little cold sore on the lip, I got huge ones and they have scarred. So a kiss on the face and 67 years of misery. It wasn't worth it but hey the adult did what they wanted.

No one is posturing.

Current guidance (as many of us have said) is to avoid kissing newborns to avoid risk of serious illness.

No matter how small the risk may be, you are still putting your baby at risk by ignoring the guidance but that is the choice you make as a parent.

It's not hysterical.

We had this issue too. I was so scared of the cold sore problem but also other bugs too.

Our DS was born in lockdown so it was easier then.

I still don't kiss our toddler on the lips, I often wonder if that's a bit mean

@ancientgran
I can't understand how people can be so selfish.

At least back then they could claim ignorance.

Not now.

Unfortunately great grandma chasing dd around for a kiss terfifed her and I was too stupid and naive to say no.
We had to avoid her because she wouldn't listen.

I am sorry, but it is hysterical.
Lots of things you do with a baby carry risks such as using a car, not sterilising bottles properly, choking while weaning etc etc etc but no one suggests these should be banned. But give MN mums something they can exercise control over others with, especially in laws, and they are all ears.

ancientgran, I'm sorry
My colleague's daughter got herpes which infected her cornea when she was just a year old. It led to severe discomfort, the need for strong medication in such a little body, and ultimately, some scarring. They're pretty sure it came from SiL.
It's not posturing to take sensible precautions, especially when there is no conflict in terms of babies' actual needs.

That’s awful, note to self - don’t kiss baby when I have one.

and I’d never dream of kissing others peoples babies anyway, I can’t believe that’s even a thing.

and I’m that aunty who loves all my friends kids, comes to their birthday parties and give them cuddles.

I am happy if I have passed that information on. Somethings people have quoted we have to do, I mean the risk of choking when they go on to solid food doesn't compare does it, I mean they need food they don't need to be kissed on the face. A kiss on the top of the head, blowing a raspberry on a bare tummy are all great, risking their health, maybe their life and doing it purely selfishly as an adult just isn't acceptable.

Travelling in a car you are legally obliged to mitigate the risk by using a safe car seat. You should sterilise bottles properly, no excuse not to. Choking when weaning? Are you serious, you can't leave babies on a milk diet for ever, at some stage you have to carefully start to introduce other food.

None of that excuses an adult selfishly putting a child's health at risk. Kiss the on the top of the head, the tummy etc. You don't have any justification for choosing to kiss a baby on the face.

Thank you. I feel so sorry that someone caused that harm to an innocent baby. I hope it hasn't permanently damaged her sight.

It isn't hysterical and those examples are not comparable. At all.

Travel is essential, car seats exist.
Milk is essential (and not all mothers can BF), sterilisation tools and equipment exist.
Weaning is essential, there is guidance on when babies are ready for weaning and how to prepare food to avoid choking, as well as what to do if your child does choke.

Kissing a newborn is not essential, it carries risk and cuddles exist.

I don't kiss babies on their faces so I don't have to justify anything. I just think the angst is completely out of proportion to the actual risk involved. But then it's a great opportunity to dictate to the inlaws and threaten to stop contact if they don't comply, so what's not to like?

Not kissing babies is a relatively new thing. The last 5 years or so. As such, most people who aren’t actively involved in having a newborn now, or during that period, won’t have heard of it.

However it’s natural for you to feel that, because you have just learned it, everyone must know, because surely everyone knows everything about babies, particularly if they have been their themselves.

I do think that parenting classes should put it more in context - that the advice they are giving bring “the latest advice” also means it is relatively new advice and that maybe you should go a bit gently with those who are not in the loop. I think failing to set that context least to a big division between the generations. I read something on here last week where a poster declaimed she would never trust her PIL to look after her child because they didn’t know blueberries should be crushed before being given to a toddler.

I remember being quite snippy with my parents 15 years ago because they didn’t know that you shouldn’t give strawberries or honey before 18 months old, how important BLW and finger foods were, not to leave baby in a car seat longer than 30 minutes etc. With hindsight I wish I had recognised that they were all relatively new bits of guidance at the time.

All that is not to say the latest guidance is wrong, but just that it might need to be explained gently to others.

And many of us have young children and were never told this, so it's clearly not widespread.