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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work Wives

113 replies

Charlavail · 16/02/2023 13:28

Apparently I can't take a joke...
I went in to DP's work car today and there was a valentines day card. We had given each other ours on the actual day but I did wonder if had bought one and forgotten about it.
When I opened it, it was too DP signed from "Sam" (your work wife). I asked DP about it and he got very defensive and said it was a joke and he hadn't sent on back.
He had mentioned this woman before but no more than other colleagues.
AIBU to make him sleep on the sofa tonight?

OP posts:
fissty · 16/02/2023 19:59

i hate hate HATE the work wife trope

ive worked in offices all my life, it’s just a bullshit way for men to get the little woman at work to run around for him like he does at home

SherlockStones · 16/02/2023 19:59

alpenguin · 16/02/2023 19:45

Send her a bag full of his sweaty socks and skiddy knickers labelled to work wife let’s share the wife work.

Yes, acting unhinged is definitely the way forward.

EsmeSusanOgg · 16/02/2023 20:11

GingerPigz · 16/02/2023 14:41

Sam over stepped the mark but, from what you've said, it sounds like your husband is innocent so don't make him sleep in the sofa. He should, however, acknowledge your feelings about this and not make you feel bad.

This seems reasonable.

I don't like the whole 'work wife, work husband' thing. It seems inappropriate, especially when people have partners. That said, a former colleague took a young, somewhat lost junior staff member under her wing and became 'work aunty' which didn't seem as inappropriate.

EsmeSusanOgg · 16/02/2023 20:13

Mummysgogetter · 16/02/2023 19:33

Sam is a penis flytrap waiting to happen

This is a great phrase. Mind if I pinch it?

IndiaDreamer · 16/02/2023 20:14

Sam needs a kick in her see you next Tuesday.

Sam needs a kick in the Cunt because she sent a joke card? Really? Some posters are pure crazy.

OhMyBleedingHeart · 16/02/2023 20:24

Hadtochangeforthisone · 16/02/2023 19:51

No !

My 'work husband' for the last 27 years is married to his husband of 10years (and together 40) . We absolutely love each other, work in a super challenging area (CSE) and look after each other like no one else including my fabulous DH could ever understand. (A d thank Goodness never tries nor pulls any jealousy shit)

Well he's in a gay marriage which probably eases your husbands jealousy. How is this relevant to op?

WandaWonder · 16/02/2023 20:29

I would take it as a joke

neverbeenskiing · 16/02/2023 20:54

Whenever I've worked with people who have referred to themselves as "work Husband and work wife" it has always been painfully obvious that one of them had feelings for the other. I'm quite surprised at all the responses accusing OP of paranoia. I am really close friends with a couple of my male colleagues, but if I gave either of them a valentines day card I imagine they would find it weird and uncomfortable, because we're married to other people. Putting a 'jokey' message inside the card doesn't change the fact that Valentine's day is supposed to be a celebration of romantic love. I think Sam is either extremely socially awkward, or she's testing the water.

Zippidydoda · 16/02/2023 20:59

I wouldn’t make him sleep in the sofa. That seems massively passive aggressive. If the card is a problem then deal with it directly.

I find the whole “work wife” thing cringy. I have also found that people have used it as a way to be flirty. However there is no way of knowing of this is the case with your DP.

only thing I wondered is why the card was in the car?

Sunshine275 · 17/02/2023 21:28

If wonder if he would have told you I’d you hadn’t seen it? I personally wouldn’t like it, don’t see why she would need to send a card I don’t see it as a joke personally. However not his fault she sent him a card.

Sophie89j · 17/02/2023 21:28

Work husbands and wives are jokes, leave it or he’ll stop talking to you about work things.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 21:29

Sunshine275 · 17/02/2023 21:28

If wonder if he would have told you I’d you hadn’t seen it? I personally wouldn’t like it, don’t see why she would need to send a card I don’t see it as a joke personally. However not his fault she sent him a card.

Of course he wouldn't, why would he? It's a workplace joke! No one outside the workplace would laugh.

LolaSmiles · 17/02/2023 21:34

Making him sleep on the sofa would be childish, unreasonable and passive aggressive.

It's not unreasonable for you to want to communicate how you're feeling and agree for some boundaries in your relationship that you're both happy with though.

TrishM80 · 17/02/2023 21:37

Relax. It's a joke. And it's not as if he sent the fucking card!

Chamelion · 17/02/2023 22:06

Charlavail · 16/02/2023 13:28

Apparently I can't take a joke...
I went in to DP's work car today and there was a valentines day card. We had given each other ours on the actual day but I did wonder if had bought one and forgotten about it.
When I opened it, it was too DP signed from "Sam" (your work wife). I asked DP about it and he got very defensive and said it was a joke and he hadn't sent on back.
He had mentioned this woman before but no more than other colleagues.
AIBU to make him sleep on the sofa tonight?

It’s a joke from a weirdo. I would tell my husband how in appropriate and childish his work colleague is. She’s quite ridiculous.

TeenLifeMum · 17/02/2023 22:06

Urgh I hate this and my old boss used to say it lots about our director. I went on to get her job and worked closely with the director for 7 years. I did feel like his work wife in the sense I knew him, his moods, what he needed etc. never any attraction but just the mundane stuff you learn in a close relationship. (Previous manager worked with him about a month before she started calling herself his work wife - I never said it out loud). When he was made redundant I got so much sympathy like my husband had left me/died -honestly people were really quite bizarre about it. I was sad he had to leave obviously. Giving him a valentines card would have been so inappropriate!

Heyboooo · 17/02/2023 22:09

WhineWhineWINE · 16/02/2023 14:45

I think it's rude and shit stirring to send a valentines card to a married co-worker and I'd dislike Sam immediately if it were me. I'd also wonder what about my husband's relationship with her made her think it was acceptable. But it really depends on whether you trust your DH or not.

Thissssss.

By all means have friendships with women/men at work, and get along with them that’s fine, but what possesses someone to actually send a valentines card? I just find that odd and yeah, disrespectful. It’s totally unnecessary

Heyboooo · 17/02/2023 22:10

TrishM80 · 17/02/2023 21:37

Relax. It's a joke. And it's not as if he sent the fucking card!

Yeah but surely he should’ve mentioned it to her out of courtesy? Also to get really defensive over it is strange although we don’t know how the OP actually confronted him, it could’ve been a bit brash.

but yeah if it was me I’d of appreciated being told or having it mentioned when receiving a valentines card, joke or not, from another female

LightSpeeds · 17/02/2023 22:18

The fact that he didn't tell you about it makes me think you're not that close to each other. And he doesn't seem that bothered about your feelings, choosing rather to criticise your reaction and your apparent lack of a sense of humour.

All of that is quite disrespectful and insensitive towards you. I'm wondering what your whole relationship is like...

TommytheSquirrell · 17/02/2023 22:40

I can understand why you find it uncomfortable and a bit weird, the card probably is a bit far but I always find office banter can go a bit far sometimes.

My husband had a colleague who he referred to as his work wife. They had to spend a lot of time together due to the roles they were in. For them it really was just a joke and we’ve been out to dinner with her and her husband a few times. They no longer work together but we still see them as a couple socially.
It sounds like just a joke to me although I can see why you find it uncomfortable especially if he’s not mentioned her that much.

WordtoYoMumma · 17/02/2023 22:43

Oh no I'd be very unhappy with this and I'm one of those hated "cool wives" usually 😉

It's not ok to send a valentine's card to a married man! I'd be super pissed off if this were my dH!!

unstoppable1 · 17/02/2023 22:46

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Snugglemonkey · 17/02/2023 22:51

It is a joke. If my dp tried to punish me for this with Huff's or sofa sleeping etc, I would be off.

BrilliantUsername · 17/02/2023 22:52

My dh wouldn't be returning to that particular place of work and would be sending out CVs tomorrow but we're all different.

brokenarmabroad · 17/02/2023 22:55

Funny how straight men never seem to have work husbands. Or likewise women and work wives.

Totally inappropriate and very unprofessional imo.