To ask how to raise an intellectual child?

[raindances]

I really want to nurture my DS potential, he is 4 and bright/advanced.

I have always done well academically and plan on doing a PHD but I wasn't raised in a way that nurtured this.

How do you raise intelligent, intellectual, well-rounded kids?

I’m going to give you my personal experience and what I see in the school environment. I’m not qualified otherwise.

Time and conversation - I think most parents are time-poor which is why we lean on screens to babysit. If you can spend as much time as possible with your child, supporting their interests and conversing with them about the world you’re already doing something pretty special.

Books - get them reading as frequently as possible. Read to them every night. Limit screen time to weekends and holidays/treats. Hang out in libraries, take them places that will stimulate their minds. It doesn’t have to be expensive trips out. It can be your local town centre - we don’t live anywhere exciting at all but there’s a huge wealth of history there.

Languages - I would recommend Dualingo. My friend who has genius level children, gets them to do 15 mins a day. They can now speak a whole heap of languages at tourist level and a few fluently. I’ll admit I haven’t organised that for my children yet but I love it as an idea.

He interested and supportive of their education - I know what’s going on at school and if they’re unsure of anything we go over it at home or once they get older I would get a tutor to help. I already have a recommendation of someone locally.

Most importantly - protect their mental health. This goes hand in hand with all of the above but really is number one. Your child can be an academic savant but if they have poor mental health it matters not a jot. Try and find something they’re passionate about and encourage them to excel in it. If children feel good about one aspect of their lives they can often cope if another portion is going wrong. It’s also gives them another group
of friends to fall back on if their school social circle gets difficult.

Duolingo is great for beginners, but it won't make you fluent!

Don’t make them aspire to do a PhD. They should aspire to love learning for learning’s sake, not to get a qualification to prove their worth.

They’re not the be all and end all and quite honestly you don’t have to be especially intelligent to get one, you just have to be prepared to work incredibly hard, for very little money either before, during or after.

Many people attempt a PhD and fall out of love with learning because of it.

Everyone thinks their child is an intellectual... surely all children should be raised as if they were to give them the best chance???

I suspect they must be doing more then but a small amount of something every day definitely helps learn the subject over time.

I suspect they must be doing more then but a small amount of something every day definitely helps learn the subject over time.

It certainly does. I'm a languages teacher, and little and often is what I recommend. Tourist level in a load of languages and fluent in several is an astonishing achievement by anyone's standard though (for an adult, never mind a child!).

They are certified Mensa geniuses so I suspect that might be the answer 🤣

Don't close down your (and their) world just because you have a small child. I can't abide the 'you can't do x with small children' brigade. I don't want to be at soft play every weekend and do nothing else. My DC are the most engaged and happy when they feel trusted to do something 'grown up' like a museum or a gallery or a restaurant.

I would say the two things you can focus on without being exceptionally pushy are firstly lots of reading, different genres of books, reading together etc. both my boys are avid readers and cover everything from Harry Potter to WWII. You can also look at activities you plan on the weekend and during holidays. Visit museums, ideally where there are interactive displays, historical sites, beaches with rock pools, forests, nature reserves etc where they can get stuck in exploring and examining things. Anything that sparks conversation and gets the mind working but isn’t necessarily sitting down pushing work at them. Have fun.

Sure but you have to start somewhere. If you get to the end of a Duolingo course you’d probably have enough confidence to extend your learning.

I tried my best to raise a corporate lawyer ! 🤣She's more likely to be swinging off a rope for Green Peace or helping orphaned seals.
Go girl!
Good luck OP . I understand your hope and intention and I'm sure you'll get useful advice above.
Just remember, they'll go their own way ❤️

Op I’m wondering if you’ve used the wrong words? Intellect and intelligence can be tweaked by environment factors, but are predominantly genetic. I wonder if you mean academic as you seem to link to education.

intellect and intelligence is again very different to being “well rounded” . Well rounded definition tells you how to do it. It’s about having a fully developed personality from having a wide variety of experiences and developed abilities.

supporting your child, always being inquisitive, helping them understand the future value of their education now , when they are an adult , encouraging interests and exposing them to a wide range of experiences and opportunities To develop their abilities

but understand, they are their own person, they will be who they are. You cannot make someone intelligent. You can’t make them academic. You can support them to be well round decent human beings, and you can support them to understand and become the best version of who they are.

importantly to do that you need to lead by example. From your work ethic, your energy, drive, inquisitive nature, support, empathy, honesty etc.

DD is an intellectual. She will probably do a PhD. I think the key to her academic success was reading. She always has a book on the go and used to spend most of the school holidays reading.

I completely agree with this.

DDs are both very bright. Things that I try to do are read with them as much as possible, talk about the world, research things together that they're interested in, take them to museums, libraries and get out in nature.

But over and above all this I tell them they are loved. That our family is a team. That I'm proud of them. That we love one another. To persevere when things are difficult. To always know they can talk to me. To treat others with kindness. All of this is more important than how bright they are.

Sure but you have to start somewhere. If you get to the end of a Duolingo course you’d probably have enough confidence to extend your learning.

Yes, definitely! Like I said, it's absolutely great for beginners, but won't make you fluent.

She sounds wonderful and that compassion combined with drive sounds like she is intellectual. To me, being intellectual doesn't mean sitting surrounded by a pile of books. It's curiosity, a desire to make sense of the world and, ideally, applying that.

Make sure you let him do what might seem to be worthless, materialistic, banal kid stuff. This includes fart jokes, trendy toys, cartoons and riding a bike/skateboarding/roller skates and pavement chalks.

Books in every room and on every surface!!!, conversation, instilling a sense of wonder, loads of love and letting your child pursue their own interests -they will remember playing in the woods and hiding toy figures in the snow, going out at night to look at the stars and favourite books, trying new things and being allowed to fail/pursue new interests/ask endless questions.
Don't have TV on as wallpaper-get them outside whenever possible 😍

It’s not really that simple, your child may grow up to have little academic interest. Every child is different and smart in their own ways. Being intellectual isn’t the be all and end all, they are who they are.

DS (4) seems quite bright; my DH went to Oxford (from state school); I’m less bright but always feel like I didn’t achieve my potential.

We live near v good state schools and can’t afford/wouldn’t do private so are doing as much enrichment on the side as we can.

We don’t allow tablets/playing on phones. TV for a few hours a day is ok but we watch it with him and try to ensure it’s not totally mindless. We speak to him all the time in full sentences - he spoke very early. Maybe because he’s bright, but maybe because I spent mat leave exhausting myself constantly singing, talking, playing, showing him things, teaching him colours, taking him to interesting places, counting at home etc.

We try and do an interesting visit most weekends or have guests and include him in the chat. Museums, historic houses, galleries etc.

And before anyone rings Childline we do also do soft play, playgrounds, kicking a ball about in the park and bike rides! It’s important to cultivate your childrens sense of humour and be fun and silly with them too.

But crucially - we talk constantly and read to him every day, and have read to him since his first night home from hospital.

I think learning foreign languages starts too late at state school so we’ve already got him doing weekly French club. We’ll try him with musical instruments when he’s a bit older. He also goes to ballet and swimming. He does football too, but doesn’t like it much so we’ll probably drop that quite soon.

Don’t worry if you can’t afford extra curricular stuff - prioritise swimming, but the rest you can do through going to the library, reading, going for walks, looking at nature, talking (constantly) and visiting free museums.

Also, as they get older, make sure they can access a decent quality broadsheet newspaper and talk to them (in an age appropriate way) about current affairs.

Theatre trips to see the Julia Donaldson adaptations and ballets like The Snowman can’t start too soon either. Doesn’t have to be often if it’s expensive. Some churches run baby and toddler concerts too - look out for those.

Provide opportunities to do sports/ hobbies. Be supportive of education without being pushy.

Anecdotally my dh is much more intelligent than me. He wasn't encouraged at all by his parents (quite dysfunctional), left school and got a job. University was never discussed as an option in his house. He did later go on and do an open uni course when he was 30. Dh has done well but that's through his own drive (as an adult) and I think my influence in some way encouraging him that he could go to uni.

My parents were very supportive and degree educated. They weren't pushy but took an interest in my education. They never tried to influence my choices but allowed me to make my own choices (and mistakes). I've 3 degrees, 1 from oxbridge and a doctorate. Have a very good career.

Parents really can influence their dc's trajectory.

Two words: exposure and discipline

Exposure... show them as much as you realistically can! All the museums, documentaries, libraries, conversations with intellectuals, experiments, puzzles, languages, religions, cultures... basically go through the list of subjects they're likely to learn at school and expose them to as much external influence as you can.

Discipline... don't let them piss their life away on apps. Make sure education and the exposure above is fun and interesting... maths- make it practical and useful maths (puzzles, finance, physics...), history- castles, battlefields..., english- books that stimulate them!...

My eldest is extremely smart and very academic and I still think the best thing I ever did was not micromanage them. I let them be bored, I engaged with them when THEY wanted to be engaged with. I nurtured any interests by buying books, attending relevant events or exhibitions, letting them lead on clubs they wanted to join and enthusiastically spectating and supporting.

It goes against a lot of what is suggested on here but I think helicoptering and micromanaging children comes from an insecurity in your own abilities and intellect.

Reading reading reading. And teach them critical thinking from when they are 3-4. Lots of parents underestimate children’s capacity to understand extremely complex situations. I’ve always explained nuances and back stories and less obvious points to my kids and they constantly surprise me with their insight into complex situations. My 6 yr old once asked me if Trump knows he’s a bad man or thinks he’s a good man but is actually doing bad things. Stuff like that. Kids are smart.