Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how to raise an intellectual child?

177 replies

raindances · 16/02/2023 09:30

I really want to nurture my DS potential, he is 4 and bright/advanced.

I have always done well academically and plan on doing a PHD but I wasn't raised in a way that nurtured this.

How do you raise intelligent, intellectual, well-rounded kids?

OP posts:
gettingalifttothestation · 16/02/2023 12:58

Poor kid

Shannith · 16/02/2023 13:03

Read the Sun and Mirror and treat their word as gospel. Have no clue about university, have few books in the house and regard education for girls with suspicion.

Send them to the local sink estate comprehensive and actively discourage them for going to a good school to do A-levels, forcing them to work in Burger King to pay the bus fare.

Oh hold on, that was my parents. The only intellectual thing they ever did was buy me the collected works of George Orwell when I was 13 and showed early signs of being weird.

That good school (and Orwell!) opened my eyes and I'm like a PP an Oxbridge grad. DD has all the opportunities of schooling and an "intellectual" environment I didn't and thus far seems more interested at 11 in how to do tricks on her skateboard. Which is fair enough.

So what I'm saying is you can't force it. Being intellectual is in and of itself, not necessarily something to aim for.

Well rounded, kind, interested in the world, and interesting are probably better aspirations at this point.

Konfetka · 16/02/2023 13:03

Violin lessons? And piano lessons in a few years' time.

BigMadAdrian · 16/02/2023 13:09

I honestly think the best thing anyone can do is eat meals together and talk. And try not to have the TV on in the evenings.

Singleorigincoffee · 16/02/2023 13:15

The partner and I have this conversation alot. She's still 1.

We both have multiple degrees and good professional jobs but it's not everything in life. Being clever isnt the end all and be all. It helps- and also what it means to be intellectual. Do you mean IQ or EQ?

Ultimately we agreed that we want them to be happy, relatively financially savvy and have common sense in the very far future lol

Whattheladybird · 16/02/2023 13:21

I don’t think you should aim to raise an intellectual child.

I think you can aim to raise an interesting child although check back with me in 10 years to see if I’ve managed it. Balance is everything. At 10 I’m seeing some of my child’s peers encouraged down one-track thinking on football or video games and they are dull, it’s all they can talk about and they look down on kids who can’t keep up with their level of knowledge but it’s All they know. Much to my son’s annoyance he’s not allowed to do anything excessively - so yes, football and video games but also (with a variety of £££ involved) music and countryside walks and board games and trips to the beach and looking at the stars and going to the library and other types of sport and reading the news and yea, a huge amount of reading.

CrkdLttrCrkdLttr · 16/02/2023 13:22

There's no special virtue in being intellectual

Well, you may feel you could get on well without human beings’ evolving ability to think in the abstract. Personally I quite like wheels and antibiotics (what’s left of them) and contemporary music festivals …

Onnabugeisha · 16/02/2023 13:26

raindances · 16/02/2023 09:30

I really want to nurture my DS potential, he is 4 and bright/advanced.

I have always done well academically and plan on doing a PHD but I wasn't raised in a way that nurtured this.

How do you raise intelligent, intellectual, well-rounded kids?

I’m a big fan of the Montessori method and encouraging the child to learn through play and pursue their passions.

The truth is no one is going to do a PhD if they don’t love researching that sort of knowledge whether it is engineering or history.

Silvergone · 16/02/2023 13:34
  • Arrange lots of imaginary play opportunities. Playdates with messy play, fancy dress, etc.
  • Read to him a LOT.
  • Follow his natural interests so eg when he’s into dinosaurs take him to museums
  • Stay away from iPads / Playstation / XBox etc as long as possible. It really does change their brain and not for the better. TV is also bad for this.
  • Send him to the best school you can find / can afford. Most state schools focus on bringing up the bottom half of the class, to average. If your child is top half of the class he may not learn anything at all at school and will probably find it mind-numbing. Keep an eye on this and move school if necessary.
  • Accept that just because you were born with an academic-leaning mind / developed academic interests does not mean that the same is true for him. Perhaps he’ll be into sport instead. Particularly when he’s a teen he’ll be most drawn to the things you haven’t shown him a lot of.
hekissedmybottom · 16/02/2023 13:36

Read to them as much as humanly possible. My daughter likes some classic poems at night, just like I had. I also loved reading. It's so simple and easy but reading is really going to set them up for life because you can learn about so many things and it improves vocabulary and ensures they are articulate.

zingally · 16/02/2023 13:36

I'd say lead by example. But children are generally on to a winner if they have intelligent and educated parents anyway.

My mum especially always has a book on the go, loves things like suduku and jigsaw puzzles. When I was in my mid teens she did maths and further maths A-Levels just for fun.
They always ensured I had what I needed to be successful. I remember when I had just started secondary school, I was complaining that I had a share a maths textbook and didn't have my own, which made it harder to do homework. My dad just said "we'll buy you one". This was pre-Amazon, but somehow he got his hands one one. It was about £30, in the mid-90s, and we weren't well off.

Saschka · 16/02/2023 13:38

I used to think DS was bright (and still do), but as I have had more exposure to his friends I actually think all 4/5 years olds are naturally bright, creative and curious.

Nurture that - answer questions, visit new places, tell them about things. Read age-appropriate non-fiction books to them (about the natural world, space, dinosaurs, whatever they are excited by). Get them to try new things (visit museums, try playing tennis/football/swimming/climbing/visiting attractions like mountains, cathedrals, anything else that might spark curiosity.

Basically don’t tell them to shut up when they ask about things, and don’t sit them in front of the TV every day. DS watches plenty of TV too, but we do lots of other stuff as well.

Re: the languages - DS’s nursery and primary school both do lessons, we support that with online games, foreign language cartoons on YouTube (just search “Peppa Pig Spanish” etc), and holidays in countries where the target language is spoken. DS is not fluent by any means, but he does have a decent vocabulary in German and Spanish now. And more importantly, doesn’t think he “can’t do” languages.

The more they believe they can do stuff, the more confident they are to try. Doesn’t matter if they are actually any good or not, at least at this age.

Cuppasoupmonster · 16/02/2023 13:39

What makes you think he is unusually bright, OP? Pretty much everyone thinks their kids are ‘bright’.

Nariiad · 16/02/2023 13:44

Play chess, read books. Talk about stuff. Watch documentaries on the tv. Go to the theatre. Get them out to do hobbies where they learn something, like piano or dance lessons. It’s mostly about how much money you have to invest, and how much time.

beachcitygirl · 16/02/2023 13:47

Reading reading reading. A book filled household. Dinner at the table every night, watch the news first, discuss the issues together. Encourage curiosity.

beachcitygirl · 16/02/2023 13:49

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 16/02/2023 09:47

What an odd question. You raise them exactly the same as every other child. Your child is no different, or any better or any worse than any other child. What strange thread. Confused

This is a stupid post.

Every child is not raised with a thirst for learning & a love of books, & knowledge, & music &
Theatre & current affairs.

Well done OP I wish more were like you.

SovietKitsch · 16/02/2023 13:53

@JMSA

your answer really resonates. I remember my mum telling me when I was a kid “my mum always said to me, I don’t want my kids to be clever, I just want them to be kind, but I never understood that until I was a parent” - and I hated her saying that and in turn I never understood that until I was a parent! But now I do. The most important thing is that they are kind (and I don’t mean girls being steamrollered!)

SovietKitsch · 16/02/2023 13:55

In answer to the question- answer all their questions, and read to them and let them see you reading. They are the most important things we can do to support their curiosity and intellectual ability. But as others have said - that’s what we should do for all kids!

JoonT · 16/02/2023 14:01

He has to want to learn. He has to be interested in things. Not all children are. If a child has no spontaneous love of books, stories, language, etc, or shows no curiosity in animals, nature, science, then you can't force it.

The first thing is to nurture a passion. In my experience, people generally lean towards either science or the arts. Expose him to as many different things as possible – take him to art galleries, plays, science museums, zoos. Take him hiking in Scotland, or fishing in Cornwall, and so on. When you do these things, observe his reactions. Don't make too much fuss, but watch and wait. If he's as bright as you say, something will click. Something will catch his imagination, like a tiny flame, and then woosh. My brother is doing a PhD in Shakespeare, and even today he puts his love of language down to Kipling's Jungle Book. My grandfather read it to him when he was six, and the language mesmerized him. I bet every great physicist, astronomer, poet, novelist, engineer, architect, or whatever, can trace their whole career to something similar.

Second, don't push him. Kids will resist if they feel they're being pressured. Some parents are just way too rigid and humourless. You need to create a certain atmosphere at home – happy, fun, full of laughter, but also full of books and conversation. Surround your child with beautiful and interesting things. Fill the house with DVD recordings of Tom Stoppard plays and Japanese cinema. Have art books laying around everywhere. Have rows and rows of the classics – Dickens, Woolf, Austen, Hardy, Tolstoy, – on the shelves, and let him find them.

Third, cultivate a sense of wonder. For example, when you go for a walk, look up at the stars and say to him, "god, isn't it amazing to think that there are 100 billion stars in our galaxy alone, and our galaxy is just one of billions of other galaxies, each with their own stars and planet. The universe must be full of aliens...I wonder what they look like. You ought to read H G Wells' War of the Worlds. Shall I read it to you?" Do the same with everything – with trees, animals, paintings. If you live in wonder, you'll pass that on.

Above all, read to him. Read, read, read. My happiest childhood memory is of being read to. In particular, read books by writers who love language, and whose language is vibrant and alive: Roald Dahl, P. G. Wodehouse, Lewis Carrol, The Wind in the Willows, Tolkien's Hobbit. And read some non-fiction as well. Richard Dawkins wrote a science book for children, called The Magic of Reality. In particular, expose him to books full of the 'wow factor' – books that contain amazing scientific facts. Marcus Chown is especially good at that. I'd also recommend a book of Richard Feynman quotes (it's called The Quotable Feynman).

deveronvalley · 16/02/2023 14:15

Do your best now while you still have influence - my genius is now 10 and prefers fighting, playing sports and PlayStation to theatre and books. Still top of everything at school and wants to be a quantum physicist. He doesn't know properly what that is but just likes to say it and see peoples' reactions. I say he better stick in at school then and stop letting Fortnite rot his brain. Cue eyeroll.

JustMaggie · 16/02/2023 14:27

Read, listen to music, learn an instrument, do lots of arts and crafts and dress up, play chess and other strategy games, talk to him. Do what you can to spark his curiosity and creativity

FinallyHere · 16/02/2023 14:33

exactly the same way you would raise any other child. Follow their lead, give them opportunities to try new things, talk to them a lot, encourage them to be curious.

This. Absolutely this.

Let the messages they pick up subliminally be that they are loved and valued for themselves. That they are listened to and should listen to others in their turn.

The last thing that would be good for any child would be the impression that they are somehow 'not quite good or clever or whatever'.

I would also encourage you to consider why you might want your child to grown into something specific rather than supporting them to realise their own highest potential.

Cocopogo · 16/02/2023 14:39

Lots of trips out to museums etc but even just walks to the park and naming different trees/birds whatever.
Board games rather than screen time.
Mine would sit and do a 1000 piece jigsaw at that age rather than watch crap on TV.
Lots of test papers on core subjects.

RTHJ14 · 16/02/2023 15:05

I think it’s really important to think about the wider picture here and not lose sight of social development too… because unless you can guarantee your child is only going to mix with other like minded children they still need to be able to relate to and engage with kids generally.

My DS is definitely an intellectual (his dad is too) but whilst adults love him, some other kids just don’t get him, and he sees them as immature. Doesn’t make for a harmonious school experience particularly when hormones kick in!

I should point out that we didn’t do anything in particular… we like to travel, interested in politics which has helped shape some of his interests but then his sister is much less cerebral so who knows!

Dishwashersaurous · 16/02/2023 15:07

Best thing for any child is to get them interested in the world and all its amazing angles.

Exposure to new things and opportunities to develop and learn about things that interest them

Swipe left for the next trending thread