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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random man in restaurant

359 replies

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2023 00:11

I'm in a restaurant tonight with my husband and daughter. The restaurant ended up being quite pretentious and in hindsight we should have left and gone somewhere else. The manager made us feel unwelcome and was very unfriendly.

We went for a wine tasting with our food. Wine was excellent but the food was just ok.

There was a couple of obnoxious men in the restaurant which were quite loud. One was with his wife and spoke loudly on his knowledge of wine. In all fairness she was just as bad. He was even on his mobile for 10 minutes while in the restaurant.

We noticed that the manager that also attended to our table was fawning over them. We weren't asked if we wanted dessert or tea or coffee.

The bill came to €160 and when we were paying, the manager asked if everything was ok. I replied that the food wasn't great and that I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are. I told him service was terrible and while other people were asked if they would like dessert, tea/coffee, that we were not.

We got up to leave and the man that knows all about wine got up approached me and told me that I didn't need to be so loud in addressing the manager. I asked my husband and daughter if I was loud and they said not at all. Their table was behind ours. He didn't think once to go over to the man at the other side of the restaurant to tell him to stop being loud. He didn't even recognise that we could hear every conversation he was having.

AIBU that this random man had no right to tell me how to behave. I am so angry and upset by this and feel so stupid that I allowed him to ruin my night. He also walked away immediately once he had his say in order to not allow me to reply. I ended up calling after him to mind his own business and called him a pretentious idiot (not my finest moment). His wife looked at me when I was leaving and then looked at my husband and said good luck with that.

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 18/02/2023 00:13

CatJumperTwat · 18/02/2023 00:10

Right? The two of them started picking on your use of words, then mine, and then accused us both of pedantry. What is going on?😂

Show quote history

A lot more 🍷than is good for them, is my guess 😉

CatJumperTwat · 18/02/2023 00:15

Shh please do not SPEAK LOUDLY about wine!

Johnnysgirl · 18/02/2023 00:16

CatJumperTwat · 18/02/2023 00:15

Shh please do not SPEAK LOUDLY about wine!

I think I need some myself now, tbh!

JesusWeptLady · 18/02/2023 00:22

Can you post a scathing review online somewhere?

letthemalldoone · 18/02/2023 00:26

Johnnysgirl · 17/02/2023 23:47

You're sounding more deranged with every post. No wonder you can't answer a simple question.

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WTAF are you so invested in this? Have you not got a bed to go to?

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 18/02/2023 00:27

@CatJumperTwat and @Johnnysgirl
Glad you're enjoying yourselves at my entertainment. I have not once been rude or nasty to you and your behaviour is uncalled for. I have tried as best I can to answer your questions but clearly it's not good enough. You both think I'm a liar amongst other things. Why continue posting? Is it now just to bully me online? It's going to be more fun now you appear to have teamed up. If you enjoy trying to make me feel like shit at your entertainment go ahead.

OP posts:
KalvinPhillipsBoots · 18/02/2023 00:29

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2023 00:11

I'm in a restaurant tonight with my husband and daughter. The restaurant ended up being quite pretentious and in hindsight we should have left and gone somewhere else. The manager made us feel unwelcome and was very unfriendly.

We went for a wine tasting with our food. Wine was excellent but the food was just ok.

There was a couple of obnoxious men in the restaurant which were quite loud. One was with his wife and spoke loudly on his knowledge of wine. In all fairness she was just as bad. He was even on his mobile for 10 minutes while in the restaurant.

We noticed that the manager that also attended to our table was fawning over them. We weren't asked if we wanted dessert or tea or coffee.

The bill came to €160 and when we were paying, the manager asked if everything was ok. I replied that the food wasn't great and that I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are. I told him service was terrible and while other people were asked if they would like dessert, tea/coffee, that we were not.

We got up to leave and the man that knows all about wine got up approached me and told me that I didn't need to be so loud in addressing the manager. I asked my husband and daughter if I was loud and they said not at all. Their table was behind ours. He didn't think once to go over to the man at the other side of the restaurant to tell him to stop being loud. He didn't even recognise that we could hear every conversation he was having.

AIBU that this random man had no right to tell me how to behave. I am so angry and upset by this and feel so stupid that I allowed him to ruin my night. He also walked away immediately once he had his say in order to not allow me to reply. I ended up calling after him to mind his own business and called him a pretentious idiot (not my finest moment). His wife looked at me when I was leaving and then looked at my husband and said good luck with that.

First world problems Biscuit

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 18/02/2023 00:30

letthemalldoone · 18/02/2023 00:26

WTAF are you so invested in this? Have you not got a bed to go to?

Show quote history

OMG that made me laugh.

OP posts:
letthemalldoone · 18/02/2023 00:31

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 18/02/2023 00:29

First world problems Biscuit

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And????

letthemalldoone · 18/02/2023 00:33

Theblacksheepandme · 18/02/2023 00:30

OMG that made me laugh.

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I'm glad - some of these comments are just pissing me off!!

Don't even reply - not worth it.

Probably some sad old creeps with no friends and nothing else to do.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 18/02/2023 00:35

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 18/02/2023 00:29

First world problems Biscuit

Show quote history

Aren't most AIBU questions first world problems?

OP posts:
cassiatwenty · 18/02/2023 00:40

Was he fit at all?

NoBoatsOnSunday · 18/02/2023 00:56

Johnnysgirl · 18/02/2023 00:05

It's almost like you were there... <marvels>
I wonder why op, who was there, is struggling so hard to explain it herself?
She certainly seems to have made a bit of a show of herself. Rude to the manager, shouting insults after random man legging it to the loo...
Then calling across to her husband (who was nowhere near her, remember) to fill him in on what random man had said to her.
What a spectacle she must have been. Embarrassing.

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It’s almost as if some of us aren’t finding it as challenging to understand the OP as you apparently are.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 18/02/2023 01:01

MsCarriePooter · 17/02/2023 23:24

You made a show of yourself in the way you complained and it sounded so rude a stranger intervened.

If you can, learn how how to complain without making smart arsed comments because they usually come across as less smart and more arse.

Maybe your husband and daughter didn't think you were loud because they are used to you or you all live in a loud house and think it's normal.

Actually, if I heard someone complain in the way you did, I would have tutted and rolled my eyes because you weren't at a hillbilly dance, you were in a restaurant. By all means complain if the meal or service isn't good but you don't need to try and show the staff up.

In future, if you aren't offered tea, coffee or a pudding, then catch the waiter's eye and say excuse me but we would like to order. You had enough of a mouth on you later on, so you could have used it to your advantage earlier.

You would have come across as a complete idiot.

dramakween · 18/02/2023 01:16

This thread is an excellent example for anyone who is interested in how misogyny actually works! Fascinating.

A woman speaks and shares how she has spoken up.
She is criticised for speaking up and for not speaking 'nicely' enough.
Further, her narrative of events is criticised, questioned and scrutinised, picked apart. Her recollection and capacity to recall events is doubted.
Because she spoke up/didn't speak nicely enough she deserves whatever happens as a result of her speaking up.

In case you are a woman and you didn't get the memo:

Women should keep quiet at all times. Never complain. If you want to say something make sure you choose exactly the right words and say them in the perfect way; voice not too loud, not too soft. Definitely never appear to be angry!

If you don't do the above then you have problems with your communication and you deserve whatever happens as a result - whether that is a man dressing you down or you being abused or attacked or assaulted.

For anyone who is sick of this policing:

LoisLane66 · 18/02/2023 01:30

I would have just looked him up and down and laughed. Billy big mouth. More hot air than the Hindenburg and will end the same way.
I would have said (as I exited) "Too bad your shit comes from both ends".

Inbetweenie993 · 18/02/2023 01:51

Good for you girl! You said you were on a city break, so you never need to go there again!

ConcordeOoter · 18/02/2023 02:07

Because then it would be sexist for the man to intervene, whereas telling another adult man off might get you thumped.

So cowardice hiding behind modern social rules really.

ConcordeOoter · 18/02/2023 02:10

Tothemoonandbackx · 16/02/2023 02:09

Why is it that men never say anything to the man that accompanies the woman????? Why is it always the easy option for them to have a pop at women (assuming its because they believe we wont stand up for themselves) , what a weirdo, I'm glad you stood your ground

My last post was in reply to your post ^

CatJumperTwat · 18/02/2023 02:14

Theblacksheepandme · 18/02/2023 00:27

@CatJumperTwat and @Johnnysgirl
Glad you're enjoying yourselves at my entertainment. I have not once been rude or nasty to you and your behaviour is uncalled for. I have tried as best I can to answer your questions but clearly it's not good enough. You both think I'm a liar amongst other things. Why continue posting? Is it now just to bully me online? It's going to be more fun now you appear to have teamed up. If you enjoy trying to make me feel like shit at your entertainment go ahead.

Don't be so silly. You and NoBoatsOnSunday "teamed up" and you've enjoyed posting laughing emojis when your supporters have made fun of other posters. If you think that's bullying then why are you doing it?

donttellmehesalive · 18/02/2023 06:31

All random man said, as he passed on the way to the toilet, was 'you don't have to be so loud addressing the manager.'

It just doesn't sound that bad to me.

Your reply was to shout after him, tell him to mind his own business, call him a pretentious idiot.

All this on top of being really quite confrontational and rude to the manager as you were leaving, secure in the knowledge that he couldn't be rude back of course.

On balance, I think you behaved worse.

donttellmehesalive · 18/02/2023 06:34

'You don't have to be so loud addressing the manager" = the whole restaurant heard you telling him he's not as good as he thinks he is.

By all means complain if the food or service is poor, but that's just so classless.

And we are hearing your version of events, inevitably skewed in your favour.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 18/02/2023 08:08

Make love, not war is all I have to say.

Butchyrestingface · 18/02/2023 09:21

And we are hearing your version of events, inevitably skewed in your favour.

Well, to be fair, that's the nature of AIBU, unless you get one of those rare twilight zone moments where the troll person being bitched about supposedly enters the thread in high dudgeon to have THEIR say.

Could yet happen here if this thread Makes The Mail. Grin

JocelynBurnell · 18/02/2023 09:22

The bill came to €160 and when we were paying, the manager asked if everything was ok. I replied that the food wasn't great and that I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are. I told him service was terrible and while other people were asked if they would like dessert, tea/coffee, that we were not.

A lesson in how to be obnoxious.