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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think about leaving London

96 replies

monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 16:29

I've been with DP for 11 years – but it feels like things are at a breaking point for me. I just don't like being around him. He is difficult, negative about everything, very unaffectionate, doesn't care about anything I'm going through but expects me to listen to him complain about every single little thing in his life (apparently it's all so much more important than what is happening in my life as he earns more and "funds our lifestyle"). Tbh, I feel as if I spend proportionally much, much more of my salary trying to fund the lifestyle he has decided he wants to live. I'm just over it. Things used to be fun but they are just not any more. As you can probably guess, I'm thinking of leaving.

I won't be able to afford to stay in London if I leave unless I live in a studio or with flatmates, neither of which I want to do. Is it unreasonable to be thinking of leaving behind everything I know (friends etc) after making such a big life decision? Will I hate it? And, where is a nice place for a single 38 year old with a dog to move to? I work from home so don't need to be near any particular place for work, but also don't know anyone anywhere else. I'd like to be able to afford at least a two-bedroom place with access to a garden / balcony. I kind of just want to go back to my home country and be with friends and family, but wouldn't be able to bring my dog with me without significant issues that I wouldn't put her through.

Please be kind, I'm feeling really fragile right now.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 15/02/2023 16:36

Life’s too short to put up with that, think of what a relaxing life you’ll have when it’s just you and the dog.

Original poster
monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 16:43

@KangarooKenny it's pretty much all I can think about! I'm just under so much pressure and stress at the moment, and I realised that 90% of that stress is coming from my partner / his attitude towards life. It just feels like we want totally different things from life. I'm just worried about moving somewhere where I know nobody (family is all overseas) and ending up living in a lonely little bubble where I only talk to the dog for company! (especially as I work freelance from home) I'd love to hear from anyone else who has done something similar and whether or not it worked out for them or they wished they stayed in a smaller / less desirable living situation to be closer to a support network..

OP posts:
Kitkatcatflap · 15/02/2023 16:49

Move to Brighton, not massively cheaper but lots going on

Original poster
monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 16:53

@Kitkatcatflap I do like Brighton – but DP has a very large family and they all live there so I think it's probably the one place I'd probably avoid!

OP posts:
Temporaryname158 · 15/02/2023 16:56

A rude question perhaps but how much do you earn? Then I won’t suggest anywhere with crazy prices!

Leeds and York are lovely cities with good social scenes to get into and lots of independent shops/cafes etc and lots of social groups. Theatre groups, women’s groups, art classes/groups, reasonably priced gyms etc where you could forge new friendships!

also it’s right by the Dales if you love the outdoors (again lots of walking groups etc to join!)

Original poster
monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 16:56

Is Cornwall a really stupid idea? I've only been on vacation and liked it, but guessing it would be very different to live there, and it's very far away from anyone I know..

OP posts:
Temporaryname158 · 15/02/2023 16:58

It has poor transport links overall and out of season can be very quiet and a lot of hidden poverty. But like anything it depends where you go!

Original poster
monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 16:59

@Temporaryname158 It's probably useful information to have for the questions I'm asking! I earn between £50 - 60k (freelance so it varies quite a lot). I know it's a good salary, but renting in London is just so unbelievably obnoxious right now – I was quite shocked when I looked into it. I do love the outdoors and would love to live somewhere with beautiful walks nearby or beaches to explore with the pup.

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 17:00

@Temporaryname158 I had a feeling that might be the case... I think I was really attracted by the idea of living near the coast! I feel like it could be one of those places that is unbearably quiet in the off season and unbearably busy in the high season if you live there!

OP posts:
Tunnocks091 · 15/02/2023 17:02

Do you feel like you can really rule out the moving to your home country option? There’s no way to make moving your dog easier by throwing money at it? Only ask because it sounds like it might be a good option to consider otherwise - if it’s more affordable to live there, you have friends there etc?

Temporaryname158 · 15/02/2023 17:02

You are used to a city so I think I would choose one that had facilities you currently enjoy but is small enough to get to know people. You could rent a 3 bed house in the north with a nice garden on your salary and the north is enormous and very beautiful! 😁

Springbreakwoohoo · 15/02/2023 17:06

Perhaps choose somewhere on the fringes of a national park. The Peak District for example is a dog owners paradise with beautiful scenery and walks. You then have Sheffield, Manchester and other large cities as well as the Peak District itself to choose from in terms of accommodation.

Original poster
monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 17:06

@Tunnocks091 I'm from NZ – so it would involve a 24+ flight in the hold, then 10 days of isolation in a quarantine facility (plus additional quarantine here before going...) I just don't think she would recover from such a long flight in the hold..

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 17:07

A three bedroom house with a garden sounds amazing. I've also got some ex-colleagues from north who always raved about it.

OP posts:
Gonemadworld · 15/02/2023 17:11

Hi OP roughly what do you think your budget to buy would be?

Im thinking about seaside places but less touristy than the South West .. so somewhere like Southampton or Portsmouth and Southsea .. or the Isle of Wight ..or the Norfolk coast ..

Lavenderfowl · 15/02/2023 17:12

A jump from Cornwall to London might be a bit much right now - maybe stay within a couple of hours’ travelling distance of your friends; I totally get the desire to run away but your friends’ help and support whilst you’re making a new life for you and DDog will be invaluable. I did something similar a few years back and yes there is definitely life outside London and away from an oppressive partner … go for it!!

Original poster
monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 17:13

I think I would have to rent at first. I have money I would need tied up in property that I own with DP (and it will be really messy to sort it all out – so I'm just pretending it doesn't exist for now) I would also want to 'try' anywhere I move before buying. I'd ideally like something for £2k or less / month with 2+ bedrooms and a balcony / garden. I don't know how realistic that is. I've never rented / bought in the UK on my own

OP posts:
Hesma · 15/02/2023 17:14

I’m in West Berkshire and love it. If you want train lines to London think Theale or Thatcham, if you want rural that’s possible too

Rololol · 15/02/2023 17:14

I don't know where to suggest you move to, but it will be such an amazing feeling with just you and the dog in the house. After I split I used to smile to myself all the time at how wonderful my life was without him. So definitely leave, regardless of where you move to.

Lavenderfowl · 15/02/2023 17:15

Just seen your salary - I live up north and you’d be able to afford a palace on that kind of cash. But…my brother and his family recently moved home from the States with his dog (not young, nervous rescue etc) and the pooch managed fine…if that’s what you’d really like to do .

Bobbybobbins · 15/02/2023 17:16

How about a smaller city like Bath, Bristol, York, Norwich? Enough going on but less expensive than London

Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 17:16

monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 16:56

Is Cornwall a really stupid idea? I've only been on vacation and liked it, but guessing it would be very different to live there, and it's very far away from anyone I know..

Please don't do this. Cornwall is so far away from everything ‐ I very known a few young ex Londoners move there and they ended up hating it. Terrible in the summer and boring as hell in the winter!

Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 17:17

Try St Albans/Harpenden? Great train links to London

Paq · 15/02/2023 17:19

monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 16:56

Is Cornwall a really stupid idea? I've only been on vacation and liked it, but guessing it would be very different to live there, and it's very far away from anyone I know..

Cornwall is amazing, especially for dogs! Falmouth is lively all year round because of the universities. It is a long way from anywhere else though.

KimWexlersPonyTail · 15/02/2023 17:20

North norfolk coast ? Note most beaches anywhere do not allow dogs on beaches in summer months

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