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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think about leaving London

96 replies

monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 16:29

I've been with DP for 11 years – but it feels like things are at a breaking point for me. I just don't like being around him. He is difficult, negative about everything, very unaffectionate, doesn't care about anything I'm going through but expects me to listen to him complain about every single little thing in his life (apparently it's all so much more important than what is happening in my life as he earns more and "funds our lifestyle"). Tbh, I feel as if I spend proportionally much, much more of my salary trying to fund the lifestyle he has decided he wants to live. I'm just over it. Things used to be fun but they are just not any more. As you can probably guess, I'm thinking of leaving.

I won't be able to afford to stay in London if I leave unless I live in a studio or with flatmates, neither of which I want to do. Is it unreasonable to be thinking of leaving behind everything I know (friends etc) after making such a big life decision? Will I hate it? And, where is a nice place for a single 38 year old with a dog to move to? I work from home so don't need to be near any particular place for work, but also don't know anyone anywhere else. I'd like to be able to afford at least a two-bedroom place with access to a garden / balcony. I kind of just want to go back to my home country and be with friends and family, but wouldn't be able to bring my dog with me without significant issues that I wouldn't put her through.

Please be kind, I'm feeling really fragile right now.

OP posts:
honestlyno · 15/02/2023 18:45

Don't do it. Leave him, but don't leave London.
Move to SW London - lots of NZ's (if you're homesick), green space and you can afford a 1 bed with balcony.

SweetSenorita · 15/02/2023 18:55

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 15/02/2023 17:24

Sheffield!

Best city ever 😍

DNBU · 15/02/2023 19:05

Glasgow a fantastic city, if you can tolerate the weather.

DNBU · 15/02/2023 19:08

willowtree66 · 15/02/2023 18:45

Beautiful cottage!

Justine2884 · 15/02/2023 19:11

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

IslandLife88 · 15/02/2023 19:13

The journey to NZ won't be that bad for the dog FYI. My friends moved abroad from Ireland and the journey for the dog was about 30 hours start to finish in his crate. He was totally fine. He's 7 so not super young but not an old dog either. Don't box yourself into a corner because you think your dog can't handle the flight!

IslandLife88 · 15/02/2023 19:14

And I would not move to Scotland, purely because of the weather. I spent some time in Glasgow and North of that and, while beautiful, the weather was absolutely horrendous. Couldn't live there.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 15/02/2023 19:14

Cardiff might be another option. Good links to London. Near some fabulous beaches and countryside.

Timesawastin · 15/02/2023 19:15

Lavenderfowl · 15/02/2023 17:15

Just seen your salary - I live up north and you’d be able to afford a palace on that kind of cash. But…my brother and his family recently moved home from the States with his dog (not young, nervous rescue etc) and the pooch managed fine…if that’s what you’d really like to do .

DS earns 60k and certainly can't afford a 'palace' in Manchester...

Mirabai · 15/02/2023 19:15

If you’re used to NZ, Scotland is dark and wet.

Timesawastin · 15/02/2023 19:16

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Hemel's a dump though.

Yes it is.

PetitPorpoise · 15/02/2023 19:18

I'm northern and love it, but in your shoes I'd probably be looking at Norfolk. If it's good enough for the royals...

BKenny87 · 15/02/2023 19:21

I would honestly go back home. The UK isn't going through the best time right now, NZ is a thriving place to live right now. Your family are there, you have a support network. You can work travel for your dog out, you could break the flights down and have layovers where you could see your dog (some airlines allow this). Maybe stop off somewhere along the way where you wouldn't end to quarantine her for a few days. Good luck with whatever you do.

missally · 15/02/2023 19:23

Somewhere West of London, easy links in and much better for rent. Reading, Maidenhead, etc!

Jailapeche · 15/02/2023 19:42

How about doing some air bnb stays is various places to get a feel for them? You could work at the same time. Draw up a shortlist of places and visit them all. If it was me, id be tempted to go for Knaresborough, York, Leeds or Malton. But if you want coast, maybe Dorset or Devon. Norwich is a lovely city too. Maybe choose somewhere that is easy to get to London in the train?

I do think your dog would likely be okay on the flight so long as no health issues.The vet could give a sedative.

cravingtoblerone · 15/02/2023 19:49

If you want dog-friendly city life then Tynemouth (near Newcastle) would fit the bill.

If you want a smaller city, try York or Lincoln. You'd be able to get a very nice place in Lincoln on your salary.

civetcat · 15/02/2023 20:17

Someone's already mentioned Leigh-on-Sea, but look at other places on the Essex coast which are more affordable (Southend is home to a lot of commuters working in the City). Also, riverside places such as Wivenhoe nr Colchester, which is dog friendly

Flamingogirl08 · 15/02/2023 20:35

If you're able to move north you will get somewhere great with that budget. The Wirral is lovely, lots of beaches and close enough to Liverpool for city life

ivykaty44 · 15/02/2023 20:40

Why not go and spend a weekend in Manchester, it’s a young city with average age 28. Many apartments to rent city Center or further out, Peak District, or beaches. Nice walks and you can get there by public transport with the dog

Crispyturtle · 15/02/2023 20:58

Move to the coast and join a sea-swimmers group, lots of women, always super friendly and love a coffee afterwards.

SpikedTea · 15/02/2023 21:02

What is your home country? I have brought pets to the UK from a far away land and yes it's abit of paperwork and some expense but totally worth it. Coming from the UK you won't have the Rabies issue which caused me grief.
If home is where your heart is do it.

SpikedTea · 15/02/2023 21:07

Just seen its NZ. I did SA and mine were totally fine. A day of their life for a better happier you is in their interest too. They just sleep and are checked regularly. I had 3 cats and 2 dogs to ship and it was a stress but all good. X

PlainJanePerfect · 15/02/2023 21:17

Gonemadworld · 15/02/2023 17:11

Hi OP roughly what do you think your budget to buy would be?

Im thinking about seaside places but less touristy than the South West .. so somewhere like Southampton or Portsmouth and Southsea .. or the Isle of Wight ..or the Norfolk coast ..

I live in Southampton and hate it. Portsmouth, particularly Southsea, would be lovely. You could rent for a bit to see if you like it and then get a little terrace for 250-280k which would be possible with savings on your salary.

Temporaryname158 · 15/02/2023 21:19

Not necessarily what you are looking for but some of the idea of what your money can get you outside London for less than £2000pcm

a flat

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/131737889#/?channel=RES_LET

House

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/131736449#/?channel=RES_LET

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/131720237#/?channel=RES_LET

ChristinaXYZ · 15/02/2023 21:22

monkeymagical · 15/02/2023 17:00

@Temporaryname158 I had a feeling that might be the case... I think I was really attracted by the idea of living near the coast! I feel like it could be one of those places that is unbearably quiet in the off season and unbearably busy in the high season if you live there!

What about Newcastle - lovely frinedly city with lots going on and near the coast. Your salary will go a long way up here.

Once moved you need to put yourself about a bit to meet people - join some clubs - sports or whatever or church or business self employed support group or something so you meet people. and rent before your buy so you know which are dodgy areas and get to know the place.

Alternatively Liverpool and its hinterland up to Southport have some lovely places. Lancaster is small but with a lively centre and you have both the coast and alos the Lake District nearby.

The north of England is very narrow -it is about 3-3.5 hours from Morecambe in the west to Whitby in east. Lots of coast and three national parks, four if you count the Peak District (Lakes, Dales, N. York Moors). Plus all the cities - you can shake London from your feet and find somewhere up here I am sure.