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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to tell my dh what I've done today

44 replies

nametaken · 08/02/2008 14:07

I'm supposed to be at college on Fridays but it is closed today for training - however, my dh doesn't know this and I haven't told him.

Instead of spending the day cleaning and ironing I went for a Lomi Lomi Hawaian Massage (bliss) brought a shop made sandwhich and ate it in the car on the way home. Now I'm going to bed for an hour as the massage has made me drowsy.

And the house still isn't clean. But dh won't dare say anything coz he thinks I've been working hard at college.

AIBU?

OP posts:
mcfee · 08/02/2008 15:51

Well I think you had a well deserved day off, I expect there's plenty of relaxation time in the evenings during the week for your husband. If he would make a fuss and ruin it for you then don't tell him.

ConnorTraceptive · 08/02/2008 15:51

In that case wait until the weekend is over and he has helped with the drudge work and then tell before he goes off - miserable git (him not you obviously)

Original poster
nametaken · 08/02/2008 15:54

Oh yes CT I'll send him back to work with those words ringing in his ears on Sunday night. What a fiendishly clever idea.

Feel that I can't share it with him though.

OP posts:
TillyScoutsmum · 08/02/2008 15:56

It is ... I hope you put it on his credit card !

bubblagirl · 08/02/2008 15:57

i wouldnt feel the need to lie i'm sure he wouldnt begrudge the fact that you had a day off and pampered yourself

my dp wouldnt begrudge it its not as if you skipped college

why not give him a nice relaxing evening and pamper him for working so hard

its easy for us all to feel were not appreciated its nice gestures like this that keep things from being so mundane

my dp works away to and he hates it because he doesnt feel appreciated he doesnt want to be away and i moan but his working not on holiday so give him a nice romantic evening

respect goes both ways and its easy to feel resentful but were all working hard for the same reasons

Baffy · 08/02/2008 16:00

yes - extremely that you can't share this with him

in the circumstances yanbu

but I'm not sure I'd want to be with a person who would begrudge me some time to myself if I had 3 dc's, a part time job, and went to college!

when you say he's 'hard on you' that rings serious alarm bells for me

Lulumama · 08/02/2008 16:05

agree with Baffy

a man who would actively begrudge his wife and punish her for having some well deserved me time sounds very , very difficult to live with

TheMadHouse · 08/02/2008 16:13

It is so sad that you can not share with you DH what a relaxing day you have had.

Looking after 3 children and working and being at college you sound like you do need a break.

He needs to respect you for looking after his family. This is such a shame

ConnorTraceptive · 08/02/2008 16:16

It is sad that you can't share with him and that he wouldn't be happy for you therefore it is imperative (sp?) that you ruin his week by telling him before he trots off.

Atleast he won't be sulking in your presence.

Original poster
nametaken · 08/02/2008 16:16

He wouldn't "punish" me but my god he would winge and have constant little digs all week-end long. I just can't bear the thought of listening to his wingey voice this time.

Like the time when he cooked a roast dinner and was still saying "wasn't that a lovely dinner we had" a week later.

Or the time we walked into Tesco and I asked him to get a trolley and he said "fucking slave driver".

How many times does he think I've pushed a trolley round a supermarket

Anyway that's enough self-pity for one day - thanks for listening guys it's meant a lot. Some days you just need someone to listen to you have a little moan about stuff don't you.

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 08/02/2008 16:19

Ah bless you - look you've had a lovely day don't finish it on a downer.

Maybe if he's that big a prick about these things keep it to yourself so when the opportunity arises again you won't hesitate to treat yourself.

Lulumama · 08/02/2008 16:20

eeek ! at fucking slave driver

well, you have had a lovely day, we won;t tell him either !

hope you have a nice weekend x

VictorianSqualor · 08/02/2008 16:22

Woah, I can't imagine DP being like this, he might think I was a lazy bint for not doing the housework as he'd been at work all day, but even if I'd had the massage and the shop bought sandwich he'd probably just say 'Taking it easy today then sweetheart, I can tell ' (wrt house not being tidy).
I'd tll him, and then tell him to STFU if he had anythign to say about it. How rude.

currantbunmum · 08/02/2008 16:22

Good on you, my DH is always on at me to do something like that.

Dalrymps · 08/02/2008 16:30

I agree with VS, he sounds like he's too hard on you, my dh might hint the house is messy but he would also admit it was some of his mess and we would tidy it together and he would be happy i'd had such a lovely day, he likes me to be happy - and he works 12 hr shifts 60 miles away! I think you deserve many more days like today

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 08/02/2008 16:53

I think it is more of a problem that you don't want to tell him as it reads like he would give you a hard time if he thinks you haven't been at college. He shouldn't be giving you a hard time at all.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 08/02/2008 16:56

Just read your other posts and tbh I think you have bigger issues.

dittany · 08/02/2008 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mellieandmin · 08/02/2008 19:35

I would make sure you end the day on a high note and don't waste the lovely massage worrying.

I tend to agree with NAB though, some bigger issues possibly? Talk anytime, there is always someone to help and chat.

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