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AIBU?

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Original poster

People on good wages saying they are struggling

370 replies

ChopSuey2 · 14/02/2023 15:06

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed by people on good wages saying they are struggling?

I am not talking about people who have good wages but are paying off large debts or whose childcare leaves them broke, but people who say they can't afford to live on a certain amount but actually have a decent or even lots of money left after essentials. Equally, people whose essentials (food shopping and heating particularly) are ludicrously high (not including those with high costs related to disability).

I really feel like people need to read the room. People are genuinely struggling and saying you can't afford to live on a good wage is insensitive.

I'm not sure if it's relevant but I would consider myself to be on a good wage (not a higher tax payer and in London).

YABU - people can say they can't afford to live on a good wage because it's all relative
YANBU - people need to think about what being unable to afford things really means

OP posts:
puppacup · 14/02/2023 16:48

it.

Testingprof · 14/02/2023 16:51

Nocutenamesleft · 14/02/2023 16:32

Blimey. You'd have a beautiful house though. Probably talking over 600k!

Show quote history

A two bed flat in the outskirts of London…

Nocutenamesleft · 14/02/2023 16:51

SaturdayBiscuits · 14/02/2023 16:17

YANBU OP, YA definitely NBU

Many years ago DH and I were properly struggling. As in hand-to-mouth struggling. We'd get new credit cards just to put food shopping on them. My DH had freelance work and was used to jobs coming and going, but there was a long long period with zero work, I then lost my regular freelance gig, and we had a child and a mortgage, but no income or savings. He said we shouldn't sign up for benefits as he would get work any day, but then didn't for a long long time. It nearly broke me. I felt suicidal at times.

I'd chat to one of my friends who'd say 'yes we're broke too' and then in the next breath talk about the restaurants they'd been to or the holidays they were planning. I've never ever forgiven that friend. It was so insensitive.

I don't think you can fully understand unless you've been truly desperate.

Oh yes. My mum often didn't eat when I was growing up for days so that I could. We lived in 4 slices of bread. Two jacket potatoes and a can of beans for a week once. There were no food banks and had it if not been for our neighbour who worked for Asda we genuinely would of starved. My mum came out of a domestic violence situation and I didn't care about not having anything. I mean we had nothing. No food. No car. No heating. No electricity. We were also then made homeless

You're right. People don't realise we're all a pay check away from being homeless ourselves really.

I now volunteer with the homeless and have done for over 25 years due to that as w child and I tell you what. Those guys are usually the nicest. Kindest guys. They all look out for one another and keep each other safe and they'll share everything!

BenCoopersSupportWren · 14/02/2023 16:54

Riverlee · 14/02/2023 15:23

Someone earning ‘lots of money’ may not have much of a disposable income once mortgages, childcare, commuting costs etc come out of the pot. Also, they pay full whack for everything - council tax, prescriptions, etc and this soon mounts up.

Yes, they probably do live in a nicer area and may have a newer car, but they are still affected by pasta doubling in price etc.

Also, just googled take home pay and came up with this, so not that much difference between a £15000 salary difference.

“On a £50,000 salary, your take home pay will be £37,198 after tax and National Insurance. This equates to £3,100 per month and £715 per week.”

”If your salary is £35,000, then after tax and national insurance you will be left with £27,542. This means that after tax you will take home £2,295 every ...”

If you don't think an extra £800 per month is "much difference" then I'd like to swap bank accounts with you please! That would pay my mortgage, energy bill and council tax.

Pylerbot · 14/02/2023 16:54

Sometimes I think people are ‘read’ wrong though. I said earlier in the thread that we look ok on paper but we are struggling to keep a roof over our heads. I suppose, if you look at some of the clothes I wear you would presume I’m more well off. In actual fact those clothes are from a charity shop that charges £2 an item. We haven’t been able to afford to go on holiday for the last couple of years but most people wouldn’t know the one holiday we used to take a year was camping.

with interest rates the way they are, we used to be able to afford the mortgage and have a little left to cover things like MOT’s on the car, things breaking down etc. Now, we have more going out than we have coming in. Our house is a tiny 2 bedroom but stupidly expensive because we are in the south east. It’s in a small town that isn’t a great place to live either.

Nocutenamesleft · 14/02/2023 16:55

Lancasterel · 14/02/2023 16:44

We earn good money. But in two months over December and January we spent £1400 on gas/elec and we weren’t even warm. Yes we’re struggling compared to last year, and also pretty cheesed off.

So years ago I brought these heated blankets. Not the ones you out under your bed. But the ones that you can put over you. They cost £69.99 and they cost 1p for 24 hours

When we couldn't afford heating these were life saving. I wonder if that could help you ❤️

Ariela · 14/02/2023 16:57

Lancasterel · 14/02/2023 16:44

We earn good money. But in two months over December and January we spent £1400 on gas/elec and we weren’t even warm. Yes we’re struggling compared to last year, and also pretty cheesed off.

Can I ask @Lancasterel do you have a vast house, or is it old and listed and very draughty? Anything you can do to improve on insulation? Thicker thermally lined curtains?

ExistenceOptional · 14/02/2023 16:57

We are on less than salaries mentioned here and also pay fully for everything. You have to be getting income related benefits before any entitlement to other things kicks in.

Nocutenamesleft · 14/02/2023 16:58

Newnamenewme23 · 14/02/2023 16:40

saw a post on a thread claiming people can be “absolutely struggling” on salaries of 100k+.

IMO if you can’t stretch that amount of money to live on you need to sit down and have a good look at your budgeting and spending.

if private school fees or a huge mortgage leave you struggling I can’t see how you can claim you’re worse off than someone on 20k who doesn’t have school fees and/or has a more manageable mortgage.

I cope quite easily on my 30k salary with good budgeting and debt/savings management. Someone telling me they can’t afford to live on 100k is taking the piss.

I saw that the other day

I couldn't believe what I was reading

I work with the homeless so I might have a skewed view of 'struggling'. But no way does someone on a 6 figure salary struggle to pay for food.

puppacup · 14/02/2023 16:58

Not for child benefit

Changechangechanging · 14/02/2023 17:01

Not being able to fund a lavish lifestyle may be annoying and disappointing, but it's not "struggling"

It's really important to remember that the majority of jobs rely on otber people or businesses needing the services we are selling or providing. If people stop ordering coffee on their way to work and take a flask instead, that's a coffee shop that goes under and several jobs with it. If we can't afford to put that new extension on the house, the builders have less work, the building suppliers have less demand on their goods...and jobs disappear.

Whilst I get that it can be excruiating having to listen to people on way more money than us moan about the cost of living, you do need to recognise how all our lives are interlinked in some way. One thing goes down, there is a knock-on effect.

Nocutenamesleft · 14/02/2023 17:01

BreakingDad77 · 14/02/2023 16:28

No you are not, there was an absolute roaster I saw earlier on twitter, millionaire in the financial times 'struggling'
twitter.com/Lucywwatson/status/1625135993287323648?t=ha46EyV5xRx6A1wv01rDIQ&s=19

Fucking shocking

200k on school fees!!? Stop sending them there

90,000k mortgage in one year? Cheaper house

Those are all choices!!!!! They CHOSE TK DO THST!!!!

That's just absolutely blown my mind

Oblomov23 · 14/02/2023 17:01

I was a bit shocked yesterday when I heard that Government agreed 18% pay increase to bus drivers. Seems a lot. How can that be afforded?

greenspaces4peace · 14/02/2023 17:03

why why is it always a race to the bottom.
you can't tell people what they can or can't moan about.

Original poster
ChopSuey2 · 14/02/2023 17:03

sunshinenroses · 14/02/2023 16:22

I wonder if this is about @magicmondays thread

No, I've not seen that thread.

@WombatChocolate I do think phrasing makes a difference. Being more mindful of spending, trimming down outgoings etc are fair statements. Struggling or not being able to afford to live suggests really having to consider how to afford the basics.

@ScroogeMcDuckling Thanks, it's been a journey and a half to get to this point!

OP posts:
TaRaDeBumDeAy · 14/02/2023 17:03

maddy68 · 14/02/2023 15:12

People in good wages tend to have bigger outgoings. Bigger cars bigger houses etc. They can also be struggling to fund their lifestyle

But they can downsize those things or get rid of them altogether. They are in an entirely different boat to the people that have nothing more to cut. The people that have nothing left and are left owing out after receiving all their income. The people that go without dinner to feed their kids.

Struggling with having to tell your kids to give up one activity while they still do 3 more each is not struggling when you compare to people that have to choose how much food they can get away with leaving off the shopping that week.

AngryGoblin · 14/02/2023 17:03

You can be annoyed if you want to be! It's your prerogative.

We are one of those on a good income and we're not struggling but our monthly mortgage has more than doubled, our gas and electricity is now 3 x what it was a month. Everything has gone up as I know it has for everyone but as a PP said we can't 'just' sell our house, move, cut all our outgoings immediately. We know we're lucky though, we have disposable income and assets and not everyone does. And we can afford to sometimes put the heating on.

Paq · 14/02/2023 17:08

Almost everyone in the UK is privileged by global standards. We have clean water, electricity (even if we can't afford as much of it), a health and welfare system (even if it's a bit broken). We have secure access to food, education and employment opportunities, even culture and leisure freely available. We have a democracy of sorts. We're not at war.

People don't complain about absolutes, they complain about relatives. If you were in a shanty town or a refugee camp you'd probably be envious of a cold mouldy flat somewhere.

But the UK is the seventh wealthiest country in the world. It's insane that even one family has to visit a food bank, even once. Our "leaders" must be amazed how much they have been able to get away without all out riot!

xogossipgirlxo · 14/02/2023 17:11

Nocutenamesleft · 14/02/2023 16:58

I saw that the other day

I couldn't believe what I was reading

I work with the homeless so I might have a skewed view of 'struggling'. But no way does someone on a 6 figure salary struggle to pay for food.

Show quote history

I agree, and I think this is what many posters who open threads like this try to say, without success. By no means you can compare struggle of paying expensive lease for car/mortgage on big house in nice area with not having a penny in your bank account while payday is in two weeks. There's no pressure to get the most expensive stuff on good salary (it's nice to have these things though), but everyone needs to eat and have roof over their heads. When you always could afford essentials only, and now you can't, it's just terrible.

Pylerbot · 14/02/2023 17:11

The posts about people downsizing or cutting things out. Many people are tied in contracts for things such as sky, mobile phones, car loans etc. They can’t just cancel these things without paying to get out of that contract. If they now cannot afford to pay for the usual payments how are they supposed to pay the charge to get out of the contract?

Timeturnerplease · 14/02/2023 17:12

It’s all relative though isn’t it. Circumstances, location, partner etc.

DH I earn almost exactly the same - I’m a primary teacher and he’s self employed - so one of us going PT to cut childcare costs wouldn’t make a difference. We pay a mortgage on a 2 bed terrace in a SE village to be close to grandparents, who help out with childcare for our 1.5 and 4yo DDs. Both of our cars are over 10 years old. We buy clothing etc off Vinted. DH cooks from scratch. We don’t have Netflix or expensive phone contracts. We have a high childcare bill even with grandparent help, and a very high electricity bill due to our property having no gas. No debts beyond a mortgage though.

Even with all of that we have around £160 left every month to pay for anything the children need and any repairs etc. I don’t go on about ‘struggling’ because we do manage, but if one of the cars goes or there’s an issue with the house we’re going to struggle to pay for it. Better off than some, worse off than others.

Speaking to friends it seems entirely circumstance based as to whether the COL is putting you into debt or not (excluding our one set of friends who insist on brand new cars etc).

Valentinesquestion · 14/02/2023 17:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Bodybarnet · 14/02/2023 17:13

BarbaraofSeville · 14/02/2023 15:19

But they chose those bigger houses and bigger cars and have scope to downsize.

People who live in smaller houses in cheaper areas don't have the same choice. That's the point. Just because people spend all their money on expensive versions of essentials it doesn't make them skint/struggling etc.

Show quote history

You make it seems so simple. We are on a bigger salary and have bigger outgoings. I can't get rid of my car or downgrade it because I have a decent commute and it would not be cost effective to use an older vehicle. Similarly I can't get a job anywhere near my salary locally and there is no public transport here.

We bought our house 10 years ago for 280k. In that time prices have skyrocketed and there is no way we can afford to move into a house that fits us all in. Any 4 bed house in this area is upward of £350k so any increase in the value of our house is swallowed up by the increase in cost so it doesn't make sense to move.

Thesharkradar · 14/02/2023 17:14

in this case 'struggling' = struggling to maintain the lifestyle to which they had become accustomed and would like to continue enjoying

JudgeJ · 14/02/2023 17:15

DrMarciaFieldstone · 14/02/2023 15:17

It’s all relative as PP have said. Anyone can suddenly find themselves struggling, it’s not a race to the bottom.

Maybe the OP can give us a figure beyond which we're not allowed to make any comment about the cost of living, maybe a scatter graph plotting income against level of complaining allowed.