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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the head teacher should never have said the N word

272 replies

LittleMissMe99 · 13/02/2023 15:57

For context the head teacher of my children's secondary school decided to address racism by saying the N word. She actually said that she had asked permission from the other teachers to say the word....they're all white.

I'm literally gobsmacked. So AIBU to think she shouldn't have said it even if it was "teaching" kids not to say it?

OP posts:
Moonshine86 · 13/02/2023 16:32

I understand the word can be used against and agree with you Newmum0305. My point is students should fully understand connotations of such a slur!

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 13/02/2023 16:34

It's used in To Kill A Mockingbird as well as OMAM. In the context of teaching those books it's better to address that it's a word that was used in the past but it extremely offensicve and mustn't be used today.

Funnily enough, DC's high school show was Hairspray and there is wisespread use of the other N term for black people (ie the masculine Spanish for the word black). DC was convinced that was "the N word" and complained to her teacher.

Hollyhead · 13/02/2023 16:34

I’m white, I don’t see why the word has to be used in order to educate, you could just say ‘the n word’ is not acceptable and why. Any children who don’t know will ask either peers or at home.

When reading outloud in class the word should be skipped in my view. It can still be seen for the context, but there is no need for black people to still hear white people saying it, it’s used as a subtle power play.

skippy67 · 13/02/2023 16:35

So not a "non issue" then @Moonshine86

EverlastingRose · 13/02/2023 16:35

Given that people criticised Diane Abbott for saying the N word when reading out racist abuse that had been sent to her, a professor has been sacked for recommending a book with that title (by Dick Gregory, who was black and writing about his experience of being the recipient of racism), and another investigated for quoting the word as used by James Baldwin (who was black), I think the teacher here was at best extraordinarily naive.

Moonshine86 · 13/02/2023 16:36

Non issue for the word to be used to educate. Children should understand why the word is offensive.

DottyLittleRainbow · 13/02/2023 16:37

YANBU OP, this is NOT ok. It’s possible to teach an anti-racism message without saying the words. Kids like to blur the lines to find an excuse “oh Mrs x said it in assembly so it’s fine” etc etc - never mind how uncomfortable for any black students who had to sit there and listen to it. I’m white btw and I’d never say it. It makes me uncomfortable that so many people piling onto this thread think this is fine!

FadoFado · 13/02/2023 16:38

Moonshine86 · 13/02/2023 16:36

Non issue for the word to be used to educate. Children should understand why the word is offensive.

how high-handed can you get with your breezy 'non-issue' dismissal.

RobertsRadio · 13/02/2023 16:39

All I know is, I am white, British and fairly old, grew up in the seventies when that word and others like it were in fairly common usage. I don't like the N word, I hate it and always have. I'm sure the teacher could have found another way.

NewMum0305 · 13/02/2023 16:40

DottyLittleRainbow · 13/02/2023 16:37

YANBU OP, this is NOT ok. It’s possible to teach an anti-racism message without saying the words. Kids like to blur the lines to find an excuse “oh Mrs x said it in assembly so it’s fine” etc etc - never mind how uncomfortable for any black students who had to sit there and listen to it. I’m white btw and I’d never say it. It makes me uncomfortable that so many people piling onto this thread think this is fine!

Absolutely this - it gives legitimacy to the word and I’m glad someone had given thought to how those black children sat in that assembly must have felt.

The dismissive responses on this thread are appalling.

SomePosters · 13/02/2023 16:40

Just going to point out that every poster who has said they are black has said this is unacceptable

While I can see there is a small margin where you may have an individual child who does not know what ‘the n word’ means and needs it spelt out for them I am inclined to say that should be done privately in a 1-2-1 context where no black child or teacher could be exposed to it. Same for any racial slur… honestly I’d rather a teacher said cunt or fuck in front of kids than any racial slur.

but of course this threads just going to fill up with people saying ‘I don’t see a problem’ because they’re busy being the problem

Nimbostratus100 · 13/02/2023 16:41

what should happen when it comes up in a book being read in class? Passed over? ignored? read aloud? or does it depend on who is doing the reading? and what about other offensive words? and who defines what is offensive?

Moonshine86 · 13/02/2023 16:41

I want my children to understand why the word is derogatory. They understand this. Not all children do. I’m sorry if my opinion is divisive, I think education is key here to fully understand the meaning of such an awful word. Having said that I understand iabu from the threads above.

Quveas · 13/02/2023 16:41

VictoriaBun · 13/02/2023 16:03

Some children may have never heard the word , so other than spelling it out ,and I guess they took advice from other teachers .
I'd also hope they would discuss other 70s/ 80s inappropriate titles given to other ethnic groups.

I would hope (although not holding my breath on it) that many if not all the children have not heard the word. But I agree with the majority here - you can't really have an informed lesson which says "there are words no longer acceptable but we can't use them". As an aside to your point about other inappropriate words from back then, I am constantly shocked by the frequent use of the "P" word locally - by young women of Asian descent! It has become shorthand for the (usually village / not well educated) "boy back home" that your parents think you might marry, but who you have no intention of touching with a bargepole.

NewMum0305 · 13/02/2023 16:41

SomePosters · 13/02/2023 16:40

Just going to point out that every poster who has said they are black has said this is unacceptable

While I can see there is a small margin where you may have an individual child who does not know what ‘the n word’ means and needs it spelt out for them I am inclined to say that should be done privately in a 1-2-1 context where no black child or teacher could be exposed to it. Same for any racial slur… honestly I’d rather a teacher said cunt or fuck in front of kids than any racial slur.

but of course this threads just going to fill up with people saying ‘I don’t see a problem’ because they’re busy being the problem

Totally agree - a sensitive 121 context is very different to a wide assembly.

NewMum0305 · 13/02/2023 16:43

Nimbostratus100 · 13/02/2023 16:41

what should happen when it comes up in a book being read in class? Passed over? ignored? read aloud? or does it depend on who is doing the reading? and what about other offensive words? and who defines what is offensive?

Are you suggesting there is some question over the n-word being offensive? That it’s somehow up for debate?

Nimbostratus100 · 13/02/2023 16:51

NewMum0305 · 13/02/2023 16:43

Are you suggesting there is some question over the n-word being offensive? That it’s somehow up for debate?

Show quote history

no, I am saying it comes up in literature and history and asking for opinions on how this is best dealt with, as I have never found a satisfactory answer, and it isnt the only word that causes huge offense that comes up, we cant and shouldnt pretend history didnt happen, and so we are going to come up against these situations

RaiseTheBar · 13/02/2023 16:51

I am not white or black but I do not think it is for white people to decide whether it was okay for the N word to be used - which is what seems to have happened here.

Why one white person (the headteacher) felt that asking other white people (their colleagues) whether it would be okay to say the "n word" is tone-dear - which makes me think that, while well-meaning, none of these teachers were well-equipped to lead this conversation.

MargaretThursday · 13/02/2023 16:52

I think it depends a lot of how and in what context.

I remember at secondary school the head decided to lecture us on the use of "four letter words". I know some of the younger end hadn't a clue of what he meant and us at the older end had a wonderful few weeks of telling the teachers they couldn't use "exam" "test" "prep" "work" "book" and other such words.
By trying to skirt round the issue, he made it a joke and diluted the message he was trying to give.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2023 16:52

I'm sure the kids have heard the word a hundred times in the "popular" music they listen to these days.

It's okay for rappers to use it, whilst also rapping about guns, murder, rape and violent crimes but not okay for a teacher to use it to teach children it is NOT okay to use and bring about a sensible discussion.

Right........seems a bit one rule for them and another for everyone else based on the colour of the person using it. I thought we were trying to move away from racist tropes but apparently not.

Nimbostratus100 · 13/02/2023 16:53

To some students, the word "God" cant be said out loud, and I have come across and instance, for example, of a student in trouble because they were required to say it in a Drama lesson, and refused.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/02/2023 16:53

Yes some pupils have been saying it. So she addressed the whole school

Thanks for clarifying, OP, and I guess we should at least be relieved that the school is dealing with this rigorously

Clearly it would be better if the word wasn't used at all, but if the action taken helps to prevent a repetition maybe - just maybe - it might have been worth it

NewMum0305 · 13/02/2023 16:54

Nimbostratus100 · 13/02/2023 16:51

no, I am saying it comes up in literature and history and asking for opinions on how this is best dealt with, as I have never found a satisfactory answer, and it isnt the only word that causes huge offense that comes up, we cant and shouldnt pretend history didnt happen, and so we are going to come up against these situations

Show quote history

Bit of a leap from “Teacher should say the n-word in assembly” to “Let’s pretend history didn’t happen”.

Last Pride, I spoke to my young daughter about gay rights and give an (age-appropriate) overview of the challenges gay people have experienced and SOMEHOW avoided saying the f-word. Don’t know how I managed it, really..!

NewMum0305 · 13/02/2023 16:55

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2023 16:52

I'm sure the kids have heard the word a hundred times in the "popular" music they listen to these days.

It's okay for rappers to use it, whilst also rapping about guns, murder, rape and violent crimes but not okay for a teacher to use it to teach children it is NOT okay to use and bring about a sensible discussion.

Right........seems a bit one rule for them and another for everyone else based on the colour of the person using it. I thought we were trying to move away from racist tropes but apparently not.

We made it all the way to page 3 before “but rappers say it” popped up. Well done everyone.

NewMum0305 · 13/02/2023 16:56

NewMum0305 · 13/02/2023 16:54

Bit of a leap from “Teacher should say the n-word in assembly” to “Let’s pretend history didn’t happen”.

Last Pride, I spoke to my young daughter about gay rights and give an (age-appropriate) overview of the challenges gay people have experienced and SOMEHOW avoided saying the f-word. Don’t know how I managed it, really..!

Show quote history

*shouldn’t