To get annoyed that DH eats things and doesn't tell me?

[QuackMooBaaOink]

I realise the title of this thread makes me sound a little insane, so please let me clarify.
DH has a seemingly endless appetite, always has done. I have no issue with this, I have no issue with him eating anything he wants, however it annoys me that often times he will eat something without checking if I had plans for it, not tell me he has eaten it, and not mention it when I ask him whether there is anything I need to add to the food shopping list.
eg . - yesterday eating a large bar of chocolate I had plans to use in baking with DD today. Didn't mention it, didn't say I needed to buy it in the groceries yesterday afternoon, so now shopping is done and I didn't know he had eaten it until I checked the cupboard this morning. So no baking, or a trip to the shop.

This happens regularly, and not just with sweet stuff. It can be ingredients I planned to use in specific meals, or a treat I bought myself. I always ask him if there is anything he wants from the shops, and am happy to buy him anything he wants. I have no objection to him eating anything if he tells me, adds it to the shopping list or replaces it either. It is the not knowing that drives me mad!!

Should add, am also quite heavily pregnant so having spent 20 mins searching low cupboards for the aforementioned chocolate this morning this morning (all the while he denied all knowledge of its whereabouts!) may have added to my grumpiness!

Should also add before the LTB brigade arrive, he is otherwise a wonderful husband, helpful, loving, an excellent parent, an equal contributor to the house/jobs and I love him very much.

Post it notes?
Hands off captain scoffalot, this is for baking with child/ dinner tomorrow/mine

It's not controlling to ask that her DH lets her know she needs to replace something.

Wife: Do you want anything from the supermarket?
Husband: I don't want anything, but we need some more chocolate.

Done.

searching low cupboards for the aforementioned chocolate this morning this morning (all the while he denied all knowledge of its whereabouts!) may have added to my grumpiness!

Him helping himself to it and then lying about it is bullshit. What is the matter with him?

Firstly I'll be kind and say he doesn't recall eating the chocolate rather than he's lieing. If he is, that's a thread of its own.
I think this is probably a communication problem because OH does not see the full scope of your responsibilities. I bet he will happily agree that you do the bulk of the cooking and you do the shopping. What he is failing to see is that you also meal plan and stock control. I believe MN refers to this as life admin. Clearly it's unreasonable for him to report every item he eats or seek permission, however the compromise is that usually everyone has a sense of what 'goodies' might need discussing. The problem is arising because he has no idea how you categorise stuff because you're so skilled at it its in your head.
Assuming you plan to continue taking responsibility for these tasks then he needs some basic training. It's unacceptable to just say that's your domain and play no part. Daft as it sounds I'd actually sit down with him one day and pack the shopping away together asking him what he thinks each item is for and how much you use. Eg bag of peppers for 1 x stir fry, 1 x pasta bake and 2 side salads (bet they're safe), spread cheese 5 x rounds of sandwiches for child's pack up plus snack, kitkats 5 for pack up, malteasers mine, 1 large pizza and cheese cake Saturdays tea....you are the project manager. Unskilled him.

Alternative - week each of meal planning. You'll continue to cook and shop but to his instructions. Oh dear...someone's had the garlic bread!

I bought a magnetic blackboard that lives on the fridge, when you eat something that maybe needs replacing put it on the blackboard, simples

I take the alternative view. Scoffing an entire chocolate bar so that no one else gets to have any, and then lying about it, is far more easily described as controlling.

No it’s not. Eating baking chocolate isn’t controlling in the least. If anything secretive eating is actually caused by someone else being controlling about food.

I said it was more controlling than asking people to check in before eating things from the cupboard, which is just common sense.

ie 'That chocolate bar is MINE and no one else shall have any'.

Well that's either bollocks or bordering on eating disorder territory.

If an adult really wants their own family-sized (or any sized) chocolate bar, they are entirely free to go and buy their own.

Cook / make something and then say ‘it was supposed to have chocolate in it but the bar I bought has disappeared’

he needs to recognise his mindless snacking has consequences- otherwise he will not change

My DH used to be absolutely terrible about this, and expensive food that was earmarked for specific recipes would disappear as “snacks” within a day or so of doing the shop. He was always embarrassed when I went to put the recipe together and half the ingredients were missing (cheeses, nuts, even the meat), These were things we had shopped for together for meals, and it went on for years. Snacks that should have lasted the week vanished in hours. Treats that I had bought for myself disappeared without me getting any. He would even finish off my leftovers from the fridge (and sometimes from my plate, as he eats more quickly than I do).

As others have said, there were issues from his childhood that I think were probably a large part of what’s going on. I would always mention it to him if an expensive ingredient/something I had wanted was missing and he would apologize, but I’m not much of a snacker so it didn’t become a real issue until we had DS. When DS got put out that his snacks were missing, DH couldn’t ignore it any longer. We had a talk, and this worked for us:

• Shopping list posted on fridge (or Alexa, or whatever is accessible), and all food with 1/4 or less left in the package to be added as a heads up
• Designated snack bins in the pantry/fridge
• Marking special ingredients like chocolate with an X
• Agreeing to lock certain things up/hide them if they needed to be kept back for awhile (this worked well for Christmas ingredients for me, which I bought ahead and it might not have been clear they were “for” something)

My DH is lovely in almost all other ways, so I do understand where you’re coming from. And it absolutely can improve. When I opened the fridge this morning, DH had left me the last slice of lemon cake. :) This too shall pass!

Send him out to get a big tub and fill with treats. He fills it up and scoffs what he likes from there. Anything you buy it off limits or needs to be discussed before being scoffed.

only issue with the above plan might be money? If you can afford it, go for it!

As someone with an equally greedy DH and a house full of greedy teenagers. If you buy something for a specific purpose, then make a point of telling him (and everyone else) immediately after you’ve bought it.
They will use the excuse that they’re not mind readers and the food was there for the taking otherwise!
I literally have to ring fence all items that are to be used in recipes or for full meals every time I go shopping.
Whilst this may be tedious it appears to do the trick as they can’t excuse it if you’ve told them specifically, to their face, not to eat it!

Don't cook him anything, and tell him it's because he's already eaten some of the ingredients.

I think that's great advice from mediumbrownmug.

If I tell hubby or kids something is designated for baking or a meal they don't touch it so I'm lucky lol it would do my nut in if I was all geared up to cook something and found my ingredients gone 😆

@EdHelpPls , I agree grown people shouldn't have to ask for permission to eat a snack in ther own home, but I remember, when my children were in their teens, I often took care of 3 toddler-cousins. In those days I bought small pots of yoghurt etc., put them in the fridge with a stickynote to my DP and DC : "don't eat these, they're for the babies"😅 My children reminded me of this recently now that they have babies of their own 🤣