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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed that DH eats things and doesn't tell me?

118 replies

QuackMooBaaOink · 13/02/2023 12:54

I realise the title of this thread makes me sound a little insane, so please let me clarify.
DH has a seemingly endless appetite, always has done. I have no issue with this, I have no issue with him eating anything he wants, however it annoys me that often times he will eat something without checking if I had plans for it, not tell me he has eaten it, and not mention it when I ask him whether there is anything I need to add to the food shopping list.
eg . - yesterday eating a large bar of chocolate I had plans to use in baking with DD today. Didn't mention it, didn't say I needed to buy it in the groceries yesterday afternoon, so now shopping is done and I didn't know he had eaten it until I checked the cupboard this morning. So no baking, or a trip to the shop.

This happens regularly, and not just with sweet stuff. It can be ingredients I planned to use in specific meals, or a treat I bought myself. I always ask him if there is anything he wants from the shops, and am happy to buy him anything he wants. I have no objection to him eating anything if he tells me, adds it to the shopping list or replaces it either. It is the not knowing that drives me mad!!

Should add, am also quite heavily pregnant so having spent 20 mins searching low cupboards for the aforementioned chocolate this morning this morning (all the while he denied all knowledge of its whereabouts!) may have added to my grumpiness!

Should also add before the LTB brigade arrive, he is otherwise a wonderful husband, helpful, loving, an excellent parent, an equal contributor to the house/jobs and I love him very much.

OP posts:
NorthernWanker · 13/02/2023 13:15

Same happens in our house drives me mad! My husbands not a huge eater but he'll eat the last of something and not mention it. Yet again not a problem but if I know I can replace it instead of like yesterday when I went to the shop to get some nice bacon and thought we would have a full English for lunch but he had eaten the last of the beans. This happens almost every week with one thing or another.

Original poster
QuackMooBaaOink · 13/02/2023 13:16

Ofbollocks · 13/02/2023 13:11

On Sunday I was cooking beef for everybody. While it was resting I took my miniature veggie sausage rolls out of the oven to cool. When I came back 2 minutes later, all the veggie sausage rolls had gone, except I live with a pack of wolves. You need to hide things op.

haha the pack of wolves made me laugh. Sorry you are in the same (or worse!) position! Just very thankfully we have children who don't eat like he does or I fear I'd be fighting a losing battle!!

OP posts:
Eastereggsboxedupready · 13/02/2023 13:16

7 of us here. House rule is a heads up on what they are about to eat so I can make a note to replace it or remind them it's for a purpose. No big deal here.. I am not the Fridge Police but neither can we afford to eat the entire contents for snacks when I mostly meal plan.

Original poster
QuackMooBaaOink · 13/02/2023 13:16

NorthernWanker · 13/02/2023 13:15

Same happens in our house drives me mad! My husbands not a huge eater but he'll eat the last of something and not mention it. Yet again not a problem but if I know I can replace it instead of like yesterday when I went to the shop to get some nice bacon and thought we would have a full English for lunch but he had eaten the last of the beans. This happens almost every week with one thing or another.

Exactly this, sorry you are in the same position but sending solidarity!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 13/02/2023 13:17

It sounds like you need a system which makes it clear what is ear marked

Botw1 · 13/02/2023 13:20

You say you doing the shopping is just how you divide jobs but it's you who is having to do the extra work

So why not make him responsible for shopping?

Why have you not made him replace stuff he eats?

FusionChefGeoff · 13/02/2023 13:20

We use Alexa and anything anyone uses / finishes has to go on the list immediately.

Wouldn't always help eg if he ate it the day before you needed it so you need to start making him go to shops to replace it

Enko · 13/02/2023 13:20

Is it a regular thing that he doesn't remember or is this the first time?
Strikes me as odd everyone has decides he is lying yet he doesn't recall eating it. Unless this is a regular occurance other things could have happened. Like it's fallen down under a cupboard or out of the shopping bags.

Obviously if he lies often something else is happening.

In our house the rules are if you finish something add it to Alexa shopping list. If you take a new one out of cupboard of majo etc add this. It works fine until the kids come home from uni and can't get their head around prepping. (They claim it costs more - no amount of explaining will convince them otherwise) so I spend summer frustrated and annoyed when we run out of stuff as my system works w dh and I.

I would add in a system like a shapie X = taken. And 2nd shelf of fridge is a no touch area.

CopperMaran · 13/02/2023 13:29

Hadn’t realised it till I read this thread but we have snack boxes area in fridge and another in the cupboard and anyone can help themselves to anytime. If I get something that would usually go in the snack boxes (fruit, crisps, choc) that are for another specific purpose like receipe for food tech, I store it anywhere else and non touches it. I suspect dedicated snack zones would stop this. My DH grow up in a household where it was safer to lie than own up. Drives me nuts but he’s mostly stopped it now having had some therapy. He doesn’t occasionally immediately deny knowledge, then immediately go sorry let me answer that again! It’s been surprisingly hard for him to get out of the habit despite hating the fact he does it himself!

CopperMaran · 13/02/2023 13:30

Sorry a few typos! Hopefully still makes sense.

ApolloandDaphne · 13/02/2023 13:33

My DH will eat things without thinking. A large bar of chocolate would be fair game. He knows that anything that is in a particular drawer he can have. If I want to keep something for baking or just for myself I put it in a different cupboard. One he would never think to look in. It works for us.

Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 13:45

My son is like that, I have to mark everything. It's very annoying

dapsnotplimsolls · 13/02/2023 13:46

Snack box or padlock.

Littleloveydovey · 13/02/2023 13:48

I don’t quite grasp why it’s his job to tell you but not your job to tell him you’ve plans for it. So he effectively is put in a position he is like a child asking for permission.

if you want sometjing kept for a reason just say so. It is no more his job than yours. But it is much more preferable for uou to tell him than him to have to ask permission.

Original poster
QuackMooBaaOink · 13/02/2023 13:49

CopperMaran · 13/02/2023 13:29

Hadn’t realised it till I read this thread but we have snack boxes area in fridge and another in the cupboard and anyone can help themselves to anytime. If I get something that would usually go in the snack boxes (fruit, crisps, choc) that are for another specific purpose like receipe for food tech, I store it anywhere else and non touches it. I suspect dedicated snack zones would stop this. My DH grow up in a household where it was safer to lie than own up. Drives me nuts but he’s mostly stopped it now having had some therapy. He doesn’t occasionally immediately deny knowledge, then immediately go sorry let me answer that again! It’s been surprisingly hard for him to get out of the habit despite hating the fact he does it himself!

Makes total sense and I think you might be right about DH's reasons.
Sounds like snack boxes are the way to go!

OP posts:
MyCatIsAFuckwit · 13/02/2023 13:50

I had a period where I had to leave items locked in the boot of my car away from my daughters night time foraging 😈

Original poster
QuackMooBaaOink · 13/02/2023 13:51

Littleloveydovey · 13/02/2023 13:48

I don’t quite grasp why it’s his job to tell you but not your job to tell him you’ve plans for it. So he effectively is put in a position he is like a child asking for permission.

if you want sometjing kept for a reason just say so. It is no more his job than yours. But it is much more preferable for uou to tell him than him to have to ask permission.

It isn't about asking permission, it is mentioning that whatever it was needs replacing. Surely that is common courtesy? If you made a sandwich and finished the mayo, and your other half was making a shopping list, would it not be helpful to let them know you had finished it and so it needed replacing? It isn't their job to hunt through the bin to check what has been finished and needs adding to the list surely?!

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 13:54

I have a plastic tool box with a padlock for some of the more irresistible food cupboard items

AnnaBegins · 13/02/2023 13:55

We had similar with our au pairs so now I have a blackboard, anything used up or nearly so has to go on the blackboard (so no excuses like, I left a teaspoonful so it's not finished). Then you'd have seen Chocolate on the blackboard and added it to the shop. It's also useful for when we run out of things we don't buy every week, like ketchup, or frozen veg.
If you implement that alongside sanctioned snack locations, that should help.
But also acknowledge that you shouldn't have to do this and it's crap that he has put you in this position by not being an adult about things.

Iamclearlyamug · 13/02/2023 13:56

@QuackMooBaaOink honestly do him a snack box, it's the easiest thing and means everyone is happy.

I had the same problem with my OH and now he has a shelf in a cupboard which I keep stocked up with things he likes. I go as far as to check it myself each week to see what needs adding to the shopping list.

But now he takes nothing from the fridge for our meals etc and we're all happy 😊

Botw1 · 13/02/2023 13:56

I can't get my head round having to lick food away from grown adults rather than just addressing the issue and making them responsible for replacing stuff they've eaten

Oopswediditagain2023 · 13/02/2023 13:57

My uncle does this so now my aunty has a locked cupboard and hiding places for food she doesn't want him eating!

Original poster
QuackMooBaaOink · 13/02/2023 13:57

Thanks for all the advice, I feel much better knowing how many of you are in a similar position! It seems locking/hiding food away was way more common than I realised! 😂

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 13/02/2023 13:58

Littleloveydovey · 13/02/2023 13:48

I don’t quite grasp why it’s his job to tell you but not your job to tell him you’ve plans for it. So he effectively is put in a position he is like a child asking for permission.

if you want sometjing kept for a reason just say so. It is no more his job than yours. But it is much more preferable for uou to tell him than him to have to ask permission.

But surely there are plans for most things? People don't generally buy random groceries with no thought as to how they plan to use them.

If he takes no part in meal plan and grocery shopping, then surely it's up to him to tell the OP when he eats something as, with your system, the OP would have to label everything she buys and go through with him what she plans to do with it and when, and he's unlikely to remember or take notice, because as far as he's concerned, groceries magically appear in the cupboards with no planning, effort or money involved.

OP, I get it, it's shit, but I think the easiest thing to do is to put baking chocolate in the baking cupboard, behind all the flour, sugar etc. They never look in there. Smile I have all sorts of chocolate in because I buy it when I see it on offer (got some fancy blonde baking chocolate from M&S for 50 p a bar the other day) and then use it to make brownies, blondies etc and DP has no idea that it's there.

BarbaraofSeville · 13/02/2023 13:59

QuackMooBaaOink · 13/02/2023 13:57

Thanks for all the advice, I feel much better knowing how many of you are in a similar position! It seems locking/hiding food away was way more common than I realised! 😂

There was a great thread once, about this. Sad that we have to do it, but the alternative is that we get none of the treats, because a lot of men and teen boys mostly are greedy, selfish and thoughtless.

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