To get annoyed that DH eats things and doesn't tell me?

[QuackMooBaaOink]

I realise the title of this thread makes me sound a little insane, so please let me clarify.
DH has a seemingly endless appetite, always has done. I have no issue with this, I have no issue with him eating anything he wants, however it annoys me that often times he will eat something without checking if I had plans for it, not tell me he has eaten it, and not mention it when I ask him whether there is anything I need to add to the food shopping list.
eg . - yesterday eating a large bar of chocolate I had plans to use in baking with DD today. Didn't mention it, didn't say I needed to buy it in the groceries yesterday afternoon, so now shopping is done and I didn't know he had eaten it until I checked the cupboard this morning. So no baking, or a trip to the shop.

This happens regularly, and not just with sweet stuff. It can be ingredients I planned to use in specific meals, or a treat I bought myself. I always ask him if there is anything he wants from the shops, and am happy to buy him anything he wants. I have no objection to him eating anything if he tells me, adds it to the shopping list or replaces it either. It is the not knowing that drives me mad!!

Should add, am also quite heavily pregnant so having spent 20 mins searching low cupboards for the aforementioned chocolate this morning this morning (all the while he denied all knowledge of its whereabouts!) may have added to my grumpiness!

Should also add before the LTB brigade arrive, he is otherwise a wonderful husband, helpful, loving, an excellent parent, an equal contributor to the house/jobs and I love him very much.

I feel for you. My DH ate a 6 pack of Pombears and claimed he didn't realise they were for the children's packed lunches.

@BarbaraofSeville

Not if you don't tolerate it like a door mat

I don't want to be a dick about it, so I think a designated snack box might be the way to go (along with maybe a little hiding of key, tempting ingredients!) That way he can eat freely, I can refill it each shop, and my otherwise accounted for food might have more chance of survival!

My dd and dh can be like this, so any food that's been set aside for specific meals, or like your example of the chocolate is put on a specific shelf in the fridge or cupboard draw so they know not to eat it. Anything else is fair game. We've also got an Alexa so if the last of something is eaten it's a simple case of adding it to the Alexa shopping list, by shouting at Alexa

Honestly i'd do a snack box/cupboard.
We have a cupboard in the kitchen where i have a shelf and he has a shelf, our snacks/sweets live there.
Our daughter also has a snack/treat drawer.
All other food cupboards are for meal bits/baking bits.

I have four teenagers and I have lost count of the amount of times I’ve said “If something is running low/has run out, please tell me so that I can replace it” and “if food is in the fridge that isn’t a regular communal item, please ask before eating it as I might need it for dinner/baking”

In the end it took me totally losing my shit and telling them all that if they don’t even have the courtesy to do the above then they can buy their own groceries in future and cook their own meals because I wouldn’t be getting anything for them (and I did just that) for them to finally get the message…

They are generally much better now apart from the odd slip up 😁

also your DH is a liar. Nobody “forgets” eating a whole bar of chocolate.

Wild that people find this controlling.

It would piss me off no end. Even if the chocolate wasn't for baking, if I'd thought to buy some nice chocolate whilst at the shop I don't think it takes a genius to figure out that I'd probably quite like some of it, and not to be a greedy arse and eat the entire bar.

If I came home and my partner had put something in the fridge I wouldn't just help myself - I'd ask if it was something he planned to share or if it was earmarked for something specific.

A snack box seems like the best way to go.

The lying is another issue all together though, might be worth a more serious chat about that!

Do these other jobs he does need doing 3 times a day every day?

YNBU, I would be pissed off too, especially if its a reccuring problem.

We have a alexa in the kitchen, if someone eats the last of something we add it to the shopping list on there, then when I do a online shop I buy everything on the list, saves me trying to remember everything and also saves me searching the cupboards to see what we do/don't need.

We have a shelf in the fridge for recipe items and another for general use (general use 🫡) because this happened here too.
Occasionally, it can happen with like chopped tomatoes, herbs and spices, etc. but not often as I try to stay ahead with store cupboard items.

Our other method is post-it notes! Label anything you don’t want used.

It was a learning curve and we adapted so everyone knew the ‘rules’. If is still continues, he’s being an arse!

Thanks, I am really hoping that was a HIMYM quote in there too 😀

Absolutely was, glad it was appreciated 🙇‍♀️

Instead of LTB why don’t you ATB (‘ask the bastard’)

Say I’m tired of this shit, and you’re the doofus that keeps creating work for me. I shouldn’t have to put up with this as a pregnant knackered mum. What we can we do this doesn’t keep happening?

And he’ll recommend a perpetual chalk board shopping list or something of the like.

Problem solved. Total buy in. Boundaries established without a big row or sulk (hopefully).

I always have to mention whether something can’t be eaten as otherwise my children think it’s a free for all.

Same here with our son,he's eaten my dinner before now.

He's also got a talent for putting empty packets back in the cupboard.

Yes OP repeatedly saying throughout her post that he can eat what he wants/she doesn't care what he eats but he needs to put it on the shopping list or tell her she needs to get more, is clearly controlling what he is allowed to eat

It isn't about asking permission, it is mentioning that whatever it was needs replacing.

So anything he uses up and doesn't give you a heads-up, he'll have to make a special trip to replace it. I bet he'll start remembering pretty soon.
And you still haven't told us if you made do without the chocolate in the end or did a shop run yourself. Trying not to let on you're being a doormat? (Also, who on God's green earth eats baking chocolate. Gross.)

If he doesn't remember eating it, maybe it's down the back of the cupboard/in the car boot/still on the checkout/in someone else's tummy? I think I'd assume one of these before assuming he lied.

Generally though I do think you need a bit of a system eg different places for stuff that's for snacking v baking. I wouldn't want to have to report everything I ate to my other half or ask permission before eating.

Not remembering the chocolate is BS. We don't have this problem because it's obvious what is for a meal. Plus I don't like the things Dh does. I buy quiche for Dh, frankfurters for ds's. He wouldn't eat my Stilton. And general stuff that anyone can eat. We only have one rule and that if you eat the last one, you must put it on the list. Buy him more stuff that is only for him.

I have exactly the same issue here @OP . I've also had baking chocolate drops eaten before - which resulted in bloody boring biscuits! But also stuff like a whole pack of bagels regularly "disappears" which means no bagels for lunch the next day when I fancied them, or all the milk meaning no cereal, or all the Diet Coke. Things like that really annoy me.... but it doesn't seem to make any difference how ever much I mention it / ask.
Exactly the same - "anything to add to the list?" "Nope"!

Slightly off topic but I also live with a throw away-er so I feel your pain! Found him clearing out drawers of (mostly my) stuff at the weekend and chucking random things (of mine) in a bag, when I asked what the bag was for he said 'I don't know what these are so I'm throwing them away' AAAAARRRRGHHHHH just leave them alone then you muppet

@summerlovingvibes

Why do you put up with that?

I'm sure he would claim that he didn't notice it.

This would drive me absolutely insane.

It's just another form of wilful incompetence.

I highly doubt this is his only selfish trait.

Things that have worked in this house:

a) particular cupboards/shelves where ingredients are stored. Anything stored there is ear marked for something specific and not up for grabs.
b) we have an Alexa with a vocal shopping list. If you eat or use anything up, you ask Alexa to add it to the shopping list. Everyone adds to it and then whoever sorts the shopping next, listens to the list and adds those items. Somehow it's easier to just tell Alexa than write it down etc.

He's also got a talent for putting empty packets back in the cupboard.

He'd be killed to death if he did that in my house. Aargh!