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AIBU?

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Original poster

How did you manage the social stigma of not drinking

98 replies

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 13/02/2023 07:54

I’m early days into AF and so far have had excuses of dry January and some minor health issues. At some point I need to tackle this head on rather than coming up with a new reason every time which is exhausting.

I know that some friends won’t like it and don’t know how to deal with it. My reason is health, I am worried about dementia (in my family) and I know alcohol is contributing factor.

OP posts:
Peckhaminn · 13/02/2023 07:55

Just say you don't want to drink anymore and have a healthier lifestyle? Much easier than making up excuses

hashbrownsandwich · 13/02/2023 07:55

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. Just say you are currently not drinking and then move on to another subject.

BurbageBrook · 13/02/2023 07:56

I think you have to accept that some people (usually due to their own issues) are very odd about alcohol and will find it weird, and will even make negative comments. You just have to develop a thick skin and laugh and say something like 'I can still enjoy myself without a drink you know!' and ignore the bullshit.

Hoardasurass · 13/02/2023 07:56

Just tell them that you just don't want to drink anymore anyone who can't accept it are not friends

shell856 · 13/02/2023 07:57

I just say I'm not drinking at the moment, people have been fine about it

Ilkleymoor · 13/02/2023 07:57

Don't explain yourself just be confident. Also for no apparent reason adults seem to respect more 'grown up' non alcoholic drinks rather than a coke. So lime and soda or just tonic or if you have a good pub some of the better non alcoholic stuff - non alcoholic gin and tonic is good.

Sammysquiz · 13/02/2023 07:58

I’m in a similar situation - I just tell the truth to people. It’s only the people who have their own drink issues who give me a hard time over it!
Oh, and then ask me to give them a lift home….

Rupiduti · 13/02/2023 07:59

'I'm not drinking at the moment, I've decided to give it a go'

It's very common these days! No need to make a big deal or make excuses up.

Nimbostratus100 · 13/02/2023 08:00

There is no social stigma. Anyone who is negative about your healthy positive decision is stigmatising themselves, not you.

Just be confident and consistent.

I cant drink for health reasons, any "friend" who doesn't accept me as I am is not a friend I bother wasting half a thought on

tracylamont13 · 13/02/2023 08:00

I have up around 8 months ago. There’s a great fb page teamsoberuk which is so nice. I just say I don’t drink. If they ask, because it my choice.

Twonkyboo · 13/02/2023 08:00

I told all my friends and family I had decided to not drink alcohol anymore. It didn't take long for them to get used to it. Everytime I went out with friends I drank soda water and lime. They accepted it. My family don't offer me wine or alcohol any more.

It is very much the culture to drink here and people are surprised when I tell them I never drink alcohol but they accept it.

Ted27 · 13/02/2023 08:01

I rarely drink, it has zero impact on anyone else so I'm a bit baffled by what your friends would have to 'deal' with.
There are plenty on non alcoholic drinks around now
If you don't want to drink its your decision, if other people can't accept it then they really aren't your friends.

AngelDelightUK · 13/02/2023 08:01

I’ve never seen it as a social stigma. I will have a couple occasionally but most of the time I’m on soft drinks and have for about 15/18 years. No one has ever commented negatively or questioned it

plumduck · 13/02/2023 08:02

It gets easier. Just say nah I don't drink anymore. And most people who aren't jerks will respect it. Anyone else has issues and that's when you need to start getting a bit more assertive with them. Like..why are you disrespecting my decision? What is wrong with you? I said fucking no.

Figmentof · 13/02/2023 08:02

There is nothing unusual about not drinking these days is there?

Paturday · 13/02/2023 08:03

I didn’t experience any stigma as all my friends are open minded and dgaf whether someone drinks or not.

QueSyrahSyrah · 13/02/2023 08:05

I'd just ask them what the problem is and what difference they think it'll make to them if you don't drink and then watch them tie themselves in knots trying to answer.

That's assuming that your non-drinking hasn't come with a total change of habits (eg; swapping nights out for knitting club and expecting everyone to do the same) in which case friends may well be a bit unsettled by the change.

spartanrunnergirl · 13/02/2023 08:05

It can feel really hard early days. Good friends will respect your decision not to drink although it can feel difficult when you're with a bunch of people who are drinking and you're not, and it's inevitable that you will feel at times out of place because you are perhaps the only one who is sober in the group. I've learned at times like these to just leave, particularly if it's a pub situation - I'll just say it's been lovely to see you all I'm leaving now, night. If you are in this for the long haul, what tends to happen is that your socialising changes and you become less interested in being with drinkers and more interested in doing things that don't involve drink. I love my sober life, it is brilliant. I am more alive. My life is richer, more exciting more adventurous than I ever could have imagined. Good luck.

Workjobfind · 13/02/2023 08:05

There's stigma around it? I just drink what I want and get on with enjoying myself

Flowerfairy101 · 13/02/2023 08:07

I gave up 5 years ago and just say it didn't agree with me or it wasn't doing me any favours or occasionally that I used to drink too much depending on the audience. To be honest most people seem really impressed and say they wish they could give up rather than anything negative but that might be my age and social/work group. I did lose a friend or two just on the basis that we always went out and got smashed, and once that stopped there wasn't much of a friendship left it turned out but I've made so many more friends by not being a pissed up twat every weekend. If there's a night out planned I usually go right at the start then leave around 9 when everyone is starting to get drunk. A lot of the time people don't really even notice you aren't drinking, they're too busy thinking about what they're doing. Well done on staying AF so far, it's a great feeling.

Twotinydictators · 13/02/2023 08:07

Perhaps if you can give a postive response rather than a justification or an excuse:

'I feel so much better when I dont drink' or 'Its not worth the hangover, I dont want to feel crap tomorrow' or 'I actually enjoy myself more without a drink'.

Scrappyloulou83 · 13/02/2023 08:08

Don't tell your friends when you go out. Say you are not getting into buying rounds of drinks and buy something that looks like a alcoholic drink. There are lots of drinks out there that look and taste like they contain alcohol. Good luck

PleaseJustText · 13/02/2023 08:08

Say you gave up for January and feel better for it. No need to think of an elaborate excuse.

FuckabethFuckor · 13/02/2023 08:08

Kudos for doing a month. I’m almost a year alcohol-free and it was after four or five weeks that I really started to notice the difference in energy levels, skin condition and mood.

With friends/social situations, IME you have to completely and unapologetically own it. If you mitigate with the old ‘oh I’m on antibiotics just now’ people just nag you next time and it never goes away.

I usually say something along the lines of, ‘I don’t drink, it doesn’t do me any good,’ and leave it at that. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or an apology so work out your boundary around what information you’re prepared to give out, and then stick to it.

Depending on what you like, there are some good alcohol-free alternatives around. The spirits like Seedlip are ok and mix well. Germany has some good alcohol-free beers, as does Scotland. No one seems to have cracked alcohol-free wine yet, sadly. Shloer is nasty stuff IMO.

Also, it’s worth being prepared for two things: 1) subtle social pressure and 2) weird reactions. For some reason, some people get weird around others not drinking. Maybe it highlights their own issues with alcohol, I don’t know. Just remember that how they feel about you not drinking is entirely a matter for them.

WhatTrophy · 13/02/2023 08:10

I like a drink. I have a group of friends who like a drink when we go out, but among them there are 3 non drinkers, one for religious reasons, one because he's had serious issues with drink in the past and one who's never explained why he doesn't drink.

Everyone just respects their right to make their own choices. If your friends are different, I'd say you need different friends.

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