How did you manage the social stigma of not drinking

[JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome]

I’m early days into AF and so far have had excuses of dry January and some minor health issues. At some point I need to tackle this head on rather than coming up with a new reason every time which is exhausting.

I know that some friends won’t like it and don’t know how to deal with it. My reason is health, I am worried about dementia (in my family) and I know alcohol is contributing factor.

If you haven't read it, I'd recommend The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. There is a whole chapter in there about how to handle this. I think basically the advice is to just avoid being around these sorts of people who won't be supportive in the early days, and then how you explain it, when you do, depends a lot of the audience - sometimes with humour, sometimes being honest and blunt, etc.

I have never drunk alcohol, that's my preference. Since it doesn't impact anyone else, I don't owe them an explanation.

I get the sense that people saying 'there is no social stigma' have never been in a situation where they have needed to stop drinking. There is a reason why there are whole sections of books and whole podcasts and an entire array of tactics shared by people in sobriety to deal with exactly this situation. People aren't just making up these experiences, even if you never really had more than a sherry at Christmas and no one was bothered by that. There are some great sober folks on Instagram and some podcasts that are really helpful - SoberDave is great and there is an Australian podcast called Sober Awkward, both have covered exactly how to handle this in many of their podcasts.

I stopped drinking last year. Mainly because I have no friends anymore and so don’t go out and drinking at home was just getting boring and pointless.

I am jealous of people who notice a difference when they stop drinking. I used to drink a bottle and a half of wine or 8 bottles of larger maybe twice a week, sometimes three nights a week if life was being an arsehole.

So I thought I would see a difference in something if I stopped. 11 months on and nothing! Nothing! I gave up all sugar and all processed food at the same time, I’m coeliac so don’t even eat wheat/gluten. still no difference to anything 🤣

Also, I’m pretty oblivious to other people’s reactions, so if by some miracle I ever go on a night out again, I’ll just order a lemonade and get on with it.

If people are rude enough to push me I just say I'm a recovering alcoholic. Shuts them up, Its true and if they are embarrassed - well don't ask if you don't want the reason. 7 years in most people know now, so its not much of an issue. But there is HUGE pressure to drink, I have lost several friends and rarely go to big social events ) or I leave early as someone upthread said) because drunk people are not fun !

I don't think there is any kind of social stigma to not drinking. I used to drink as a teen, had a couple of horrible experiences, never really drank again. My friends loved me, as I was always designated driver, very useful friend to be!

I now have an odd glass, but really only ever have one and maybe only once a week, it's just not something I ever enjoyed. When you go out, and someone asks you what you want, just say. Something soft, is always my request, and no-one ever questions it.

I have sensible friends that’ll understand why and also, I don’t really socialise with drinkers

My friend who doesn't drink just repeats "I don't drink alcohol" and if anyone presses her on it says "I don't like the taste".
No one ever pushes it further and she doesn't need to say anything else so it seems to work for her.

I don’t drink because I don’t like it and it nobody’s business.

tbh nobody cares because nobody is really that interested

I don't drink and find that people have a real issue with it.

"What, not even one?"
"Why not?"
"It's meant to be a night out? Having a drink and acting a bit silly is the whole point!"

It depends on the group of people, but drinkers do not like a non-drinker in the mix in my experience. Which I guess makes sense if your whole idea of a 'night out' is getting as drunk as possible and then spending lots of time talking about how drunk you were and how funny it was.

One evening, I just stopped. I was with a group of friends who were becoming more aggressive and confrontational as the alcohol levels rose.
I made my excuses and left.
That was twenty-five years ago and I've never touched alcohol since. I don't need it to have a good time.

As a pretty much teetotaller, I usually offer to drive so that becomes a chicken / egg scenario as I can then say I'm not drinking because I'm driving.

If pressed I just tell the truth - for me it's "I don't like the way it makes me feel."

If asked I'd just say "I did Dry January this year and decided to stick with it - I feel so much better." The dementia risk is an excellent reason to quit (I'm in the same family position myself) but it's a bit of a buzzkill to drop into a conversation when everybody else has a glass in their hand

People who say just do it, or its not peoples business it’s never have experienced these conversations. If you are known for enjoying a drink and decide to go dry there are questions and push back.

for me I am just saying “health issues” and relying on peoples politeness to not ask further. Hopefully it will drop off, but you always get push back because they feel that you not drinking is a comment on their drinking so they push back.

Them: What do you want to drink?
Me: "Umm, just a pint of blackcurrant and soda please"
Them: "No problem"

I think "health issues" is good. True, simple, covers the situation where people know you always used to drink, and should make people back off.

If they push further then have a standard "it's personal and I'd rather not go into it" line (or for good friends "it's not serious but it is icky, I really don't want to go into the depressing details").

Did anyone see the new Three Lions video? There's a great line where David Baddiel sings "we'll stay here, have a beer", and passes a bottle over to Frank who breaks the song to say "actually no thanks mate, I've got alcohol issues", and Baddiel shrugs, sits down and carries on singing. It's really heartening to see it expressed openly without being a Big Dark Tragic Secret, modelling their friendship continuing unchanged.

I find it amusing to be honest. It clearly bothers others considerably more than it bothers me. So I am usually able to weather any flak with a wry smirk.

I agree there is little or no social stigma attached to those who don't drink alcohol, for whatever reason.
I drink very little and am happy to say so. A simple "no thanks, I'm not drinking today/at the moment," is all I have ever needed to say.
if your friends can't accept you're a non-drinker they're not your friends.

When I quit, I just said "I've been drinking alcohol for over half my life and I've decided it's about time I saw what life was like without it, so I've decided to quit". I've since made it clear I've quit for good. It means I don't get invited out by my "friends" anymore, but that's understandable and sadly something I would probably have done as well once upon a time.

I didn't drink for years, and didn't find it to be a social stigma. If you really need a reason, just say you're driving.

I just say I'm intolerant (which is true)