How did you manage the social stigma of not drinking

[JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome]

I’m early days into AF and so far have had excuses of dry January and some minor health issues. At some point I need to tackle this head on rather than coming up with a new reason every time which is exhausting.

I know that some friends won’t like it and don’t know how to deal with it. My reason is health, I am worried about dementia (in my family) and I know alcohol is contributing factor.

I agree 💯

I haven't really ever drank. I never drank a single thing until I was mid to late 30s and I went out a fair bit in that time. It was for religious reasons, but no one gave me a hard time. I now left religion and so can drink and have tried a few things but I generally don't, not even at Christmas, birthday etc. as I simply don't enjoy it and don't see the point.

I may be lucky and I suppose never drinking makes a difference but just say you're not drinking.

I think this is more of an issue in the early days, I stopped drinking on 1st January & recently went out for a pub lunch, I got a lot of questions & some obvious bafflement.

I think as time goes on, it becomes more accepted that you’ve made your decision.

In the early days, just say something positive about not drinking & that should reduce the “oh, go on, just have one” people.

Gave up alcohol five years ago. Mixture of reasons. Wasn't drinking healthily, mood and weight. Never looked back. I say it was giving me terrible headaches and that once I stopped I realised I felt much better. You'll always get the 'but just have one' comments. Which reveals lots about the psychology behind their own drinking. I say even one gives me a headache and ignore.

It's not really a thing tbh. Only knobheads would have an issue with someone not drinking, and you wouldn't want to spend your time around them anyway, surely?

I've been mostly teetotal for a year or two now, I don't call myself a non-drinker or bring it up but I probably have one or two glasses of wine every 5-6 months or so. I can't say anyone has ever had an issue with it or even mentioned it. I would judge someone who judged me for not drinking tbh.

If you're out with other people have a soft drink, non alcoholic substitutes, mock tails. Who's going to even notice?

I think what you all have in common is a lack of empathy.

There are people on here explaining why they feel under social pressure to drink. It is identified by psychologists and alcoholism professionals as a key part of drinking culture.

The OP is making a transition.

I have a couple of friends who don't drink - one is a year in and finds that 'it gives me migraines' generally shuts people (idiots) down who push it. And the other has never drunk (due to alcoholism in the family) who tries to 'grey rock' it with 'I just don't- not my thing' but I have seen him go 'my dad's an alcoholic' to people who really push it which generally embarrasses the hell out of them. What I have been amazed about is how many people ask why - I wouldn't ask just in case the answer was 'I'm an alcoholic' or 'alcoholism has destroyed my family' and I'd be putting that person in an uncomfortable situation.

I just stopped drinking, the effects on me in peri menopause weren’t worth it. so I just don’t drink.

Thanks all. I I am interested that a lot of people have not experienced any social stigma. My work colleagues are big drinkers and maybe it’s just me but I do feel out of place. I also have a group of friends who are very big drinkers and our socialising has always centred around that, I know that most of them will accept it, but there are a couple who will make me feel churlish. My dad has also often pressured me to have a drink with him, he can’t understand why I can’t just moderate and have one or two.

Anyway, I think I’ve got to take the bull by the horns and just say I’ve decided to give up for now and leave it at that.

I have a few friends who don't drink and I don't think much of it apart from one is very into telling everyone about it all the time. I try to stick to seeing her when alcohol (for anyone) isn't involved as she sucks the fun out of it for everyone. The others just come and everyone drinks whatever they like and it's not an issue!

A lot of high achievers, very successful people are teetotal and quite open about it. There shoudn't be any social 'stigma' about this, I'm pretty sure there isn't

I'm nearly ten months sober and reaction is moving from discomfort to admiration. If asked why, I tend to smile ruefully and say "It was time" or "Its better this way."

I'm not saying it's always easy, but life is so much better and frankly my social life is unchanged.

It's tricky, isn't it - I find that being AF has meant that some people feel uncomfortable about their own drinking. It makes people feel better if they're not the only one drinking alcohol, so seeing someone going without makes them feel a bit guilty sometimes. It's the same with getting pudding after a meal out - people are more likely to indulge if they're not the only one.

Just an example before Xmas was at a work do, at this point I hadn’t stopped but was cutting back. I decided to drink Prosecco as nobody else was so I wouldn’t have my glass topped up from the communal bottles of wine and could just buy a glass. After three glasses, I decided that was enough a colleague was going to the bar and asked me what I wanted and I said I was fine. He said no no have another drink it’s early anyway he ended up coming back with a whole bottle of Prosecco, just for me I let him pour a glass which I didn’t drink and then luckily other people moved onto it.

The guy is a nice bloke. I guess though if you set out not drinking at start things like this won’t happen.

"My reason is health, I am worried about dementia (in my family) and I know alcohol is contributing factor."

@JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome this is what I would say. End of. Proper friends wouldn't give it a second/negative thought and would support you.

I really don’t think it’s a social stigma. Some friends I know don’t drink and nobody comments on it. If you’re friends with people who won’t let it go, then THEY are the problem.

Just say, “I’m not drinking”. Repeat ad infinitum and they’ll stop asking. No explanation needed because it’s not their business.

I've never drunk alcohol. It's never been an issue. I just say I don't drink.

I think more and more people are stopping drinking that this is not an issue anymore (not that it should ever have been).

If I was you, I would just start off saying - no thanks I don't drink. If pressed politely, I would say 'I actually did Dry Jan and found that not drinking suited me, so I have decided to continue'. If anyone presses after this - they are being rude and I would just change 'broken record' the previous line.

I think the people who press it are typically those who have concerns/insecurities about their own drinking. Is good to bear this in mind.

It has become so common that if I am planning to host a social event, I make sure to get in a range nice alcohol free alternatives as their is typically always at least one or two non-drinkers these days.

I think if someone is pressing you to have a drink- say something like “Oh brilliant- thank you- I’m so dehydrated/parched at the moment- I’m dying for a sparkling water/Fanta/ whatever else.”

Reasons you can say for not drinking,
I have a lot on and need to get up early tomorrow
Hangovers are killing me at the moment
I don’t feel the best
Im taking a break from alcohol
I need a clear head tonight/ tomorrow
Im trying a new fitness plan

Or- just give the real reason.

Sometimes it’s easier to tell people beforehand so they know you aren’t drinking and don’t pressure you.

Good luck OP! Enjoy your hangover free days!

Just order alcohol free beers. And just be upfront say you want to be healthier

also, I think it's possible that people who push drink on others are the ones with the problem and they want company while they drink too much. It makes them feel uncomfortable that they can't control their own drinking and if others are doing the same as them it makes them feel better about themselves.

I gave up alcohol almost ten years ago age 30. I'd done all the pub club thing when I was younger and had just had enough of all that. I was in the process of making a shift to a more healthy lifestyle. Giving up the drink was easy, dealing with comments and insults from family and friends was not. I actually lost friends through this, though I now see they were not real friends. I had to change my social life and circle of friends to accomodate my new lifestyle. You may have to do the same. Please note, anyone who objects to your tee total lifestyle is NOT a friend. If this happens to you then you must move on, find new friends and mix with people who are the same as you. Avoid people and places where you may feel pressured or ridiculed. But always remember, be true to yourself and do what YOU want with YOUR life. I wish you the best of luck in your new alcohol-free life.

Not caring what other people think about my lifestyle choices helps.
Not being desperate to fit in.

I had a period when I didn't drink alcohol. If people kept challenging I just asked them why my not drinking mattered so much to them.

It must depend on your circle. I would hate to be in a drinking culture in my friendship or work circles. It's even more important to keep a fairly clear head at work related events, even if it's off the clock. They're your coworkers as well as 'friends' and social missteps, embarrassing yourself etc. will be remembered and come back to bite you. Everyone remembers a sloppy drunk. I've known people lose their jobs over their behaviour drunk on work nights out.

Anyone who is forcefully pushing alcohol on you has their own problems with drink, honestly. I went on a hen last year and one lady I didn't even know beforehand kept trying to push me to drink even though I didn't want to and politely declined. She made it weird trying to force it again and again even after I said 'I said no thank you'. The next day, sick as a dog, she told me she admired me and that I just did what I wanted to without a thought to standing out or looking awkward. Which was weird because she was the one making things awkward, as soon as she left everyone was discussing her behaviour and what sort of pressure she'd put people under.