To be shocked some people have to be told special needs and disabled people have just as much right to be in society as anyone

[PennyRa]

By law

Yes. And in the post I posted above in relation to my child- don;t get angry because you think my child should not be able to access education and because you think my child in times gone by would have died in infancy so why are we asking for special considerations now... like he doesn't deserve basic respect.

@ALongHardWinter there is no register for disability. There is a registered blind and there is a blue badge system. The the terminology of registering disabled means that many people misunderstand disability.

@fourikeachairs appreciate that. But in most cases the issue is society and the expectations, not the impairment. Most impairments of disabled people are not life threatening.

That comes across as quite dismissive.

How are you counting 'most cases'?

Why does my experience of disability get shoved aside as not as important as the societal side?

I'm really weary of the attitude that it's all about societal expectation and people like me should just shut the fuck up about the pain, distress and fear our disabled bodies cause us.

Let me be clear - I very much am in favour of the social model as opposed to the medical model of disability. But it is really unfair to shrug off the physical reality of daily living in a disabled body like mine.

The problems run very deep. MN is deeply entrenched in the attitude that only those who work are entitled to the basics of human respect - whether the subject of a thread is sahms, part time workers, or the royal family, there’s a clear message that you’re only worthwhile if you work, and while you work.

The elderly and the disabled can fuck off and die - it might not be said so blatantly but that’s the underlying implication. Although it was said blatantly and repeatedly on a depressingly high proportion of MN threads during the pandemic.

Disabled people (or their families) should be able to choose how to refer to themselves without being told it's wrong.

My DS is disabled by his impairments, it's not just society that's an issue. And an impairment does not need to be life-threatening to severely impact on someone's life.

I agree the “social model” and the “medical model” are only complete when used side by side. There is no amount of societal change that can eradicate my child’s disability but there’s a huge amount that could be done to elevate his experience.

I don't think.you can say that for all.disabled people my son is severely autistic non verbal has very limited understanding of the world around him.it doesn't matter how much society changes he would still be very disabled as he's mainly oblivious to.it .

Blue badge scheme is only for those with mobility impairment. You can be disabled but not eligible for a blue badge because you can walk 50m and undertake journeys on your own. PIP isn’t a useful measure of disability either, you can be disabled but not eligible.

This is,nt true ,my son is automatically entitled to.a blue badge because he gets high rate mobility component under the Severe mental impairment rules of DLA he can walk for miles but had zero awareness of danger , both DLA and PIP.both recognise invisible disabilities now ,there.is still.a criteria to.be met but it's not alla the physical ability to walk anymore

@TorviShieldMaiden i’m not disabled by society, I am disabled by the pain, weakness, nausea and fatigue etc. Society is deeply flawed in terms of disability rights but even in a perfect world I would still be disabled by my conditions.

Re social vs medical model, and whether we're disabled by society or by our impairments. I think many people are disabled by both to some extent, but the exact balance depends on the person.
For me, I'd still be disabled even in a "perfect world". But if that perfectly accessible world included proper healthcare for my neurological illness, I'd have a better quality of life. Currently I have no available treatment as the NHS in my area has simply decided not to fund it my illness, and there are no NICE guidelines or official treatment pathway. Even with treatment I'd be in pain and experience other symptoms not alleviated by reasonable adjustments, however if I didn't have to fight to access the world I'd be less exhausted, and I'd have more time to look after myself and have a career and so on.
Neither the social model nor the medical model works on its own, we can use an integrated model where there is sufficient healthcare and also sufficient support, and we can hold awareness that whilst many disabled people don't want a cure, others do and there's nothing wrong with that.
I personally definitely don't want my neurodivergence to be cured, but my chronic illness which causes constant pain and nausea and severe fatigue and just generally being ill all the time can fuck right off. I like my wheelchair, very much, but I'd rather not feel so ill that it's my only option to leave the house. At the same time, as this is the case in real life, I'd like the world to be accessible to me in my wheelchair.

TorviShieldMaiden When I said 'registered as disabled',I meant with my local council. It is voluntary,not all councils offer this option.

Omg this is disgusting

It is absolutely abhorrent how some people talk about disabled people. During covid was the worst. I remember calling a woman ableist because she said an autistic child shouldn't be allowed to go on holiday or into a shop if he couldn't wear a mask, and that of course he would be able wear a mask because her autistic dc could. It's the parents fault for not forcing him to wear one. They just need to stay at home. She couldn't be ableist because she had an autistic dc according to her. I fucking despair.

My own disabled dc was chastised by a man and called a very naughty little boy by a stranger for having a minor meltdown in a café. For starters he was only 3. I explained he was autistic and he said any excuse for a horrible child.

I had to come off Mumsnet for a while during this period because of posts like that and it left me in a very dark place for a long while.
Life is hard enough without countless people telling you that your life, because you are disabled and CEV is worthless and that you should just lock yourself in your home so that everyone else can carry on as normal.

So, I have a visual processing disorder. That doesn't mean I'm blind or partially sighted. I can see fine (with glasses). I have something called object blindness, which mean my brain makes lags and errors in processing where objects are a) in relation to eachother and b) in relation to me. Its worst if they're moving. At its worst, say if I'm really tired, I'll try to put a glass down beyond the edge of a table, and just drop it on the floor. Sometimes I use disabled toilets because things are spaced out more and its easier.

Imagine trying to explain that my disability is visual, that it has blindness in the time, but yes, I did just read the menu/pick something off a shelf/select something by colour. Not that I should have to explain. But I do.

I think the other thing with the societal model of disability is there is no one perfect world for those with disabilities because they are still individuals with individual needs.

take crossing the road. For someone with a visual impairment the textured surface is needed to help them safely cross the road. For a wheelchair user that same adjustment can be a problem to navigate.

ds combination of disabilities mean some of them clash with themselves so with the best will in the world you can’t remove the impact!

In the city centre of Manchester I saw an older blind woman being circled by about 5 teenagers shouting and throwing things at her. A few of us chased them off and got her a coffee. She said it had happened a few times similarly. Was horrific.

Doesn't take much to make an effort. Just a little thought. I'm busy as fuck but would make an effort to move on a bus, rearrange a table layout, not park in a disabled space etc

I've been told similar - I should wear a mask but it doesn't matter that it affects my visual field. I shouldn't use online shopping because I can go out (I can't drive and can't socially distance because I can't see that well) and I shouldn't have used the shopping time that vulnerable and elderly people use because I'm neither apparently.

Can anyone tell me when I was supposed to shop safely?

Special needs people sounds really condescending TBH so yes in answer to our question hey clearly do have to be told.

I got called a selfish cow under my old username because I had an online shop delivered and neither of DS safe goods was in stock. Lockdown had him extra stressed so he was being very rigid about his eating and no other safe foods would do so I went out to the shops, managed to find one of them and bought two packs then went to another shop and found the second so again bought two packs to save further trips.

I got told I was selfish for endangering others, I shouldn't be out driving around for two items, I was stockpiling by buying multiple packs, that they'd be foaming if they'd queued for ages and someone walked out with just two things, that the rules said you had to do a full shop to minimise trips, that DS should just eat what was available, that he wouldn't starve, and so on.

It was hilarious because they were so rabid about it but also a horrible indicator of how people view the day to day reality of disability and that safe foods for a child with ARFID weren't essentials in their view.

on a positive from during covid (and there are many negatives) Ds among his many issues also has ARFID I posted on fb about not being able to get his safe food anywhere and three friends who lived locally had a packet of the biscuit in - they all took their daily exercise to walk and leave them in the porch for him!

it may only be something little but things like that make a massive difference

Try having an invisible disability and you will really know what discrimination feels like
I work for a charity who supports people with all kinds of disabilities, long term health conditions and other specific needs - those who don’t fit into a standard idea of disability and/or whose disability is not obvious are treated worst of all