To be shocked some people have to be told special needs and disabled people have just as much right to be in society as anyone

[PennyRa]

By law

There's nothing wrong with disability first language. Some people prefer person first language eg "person with a disability" and some, like me, prefer disabled first language eg "disabled person". What I personally don't like is any euphemism for disabled, such as special needs, handicapable, differently abled etc, because that dilutes my experience and/or feels infantilising. But you can call me disabled, because I am!

I'm deaf...the amount of people who think that if they shout I will hear them or who think if they talk very slowly I will somehow understand them, who think that I should not be driving etc is ridiculous. We weren't even considered worthy enough to have a BSL interpreter during the covid briefings and the amount of people who would remove their face mask so I could understand what they were saying? Well I can count them on the fingers of 1 hand. So yes, people do have to be told.

They also can't comprehend any kind of autism except 'high functioning.' A lot of people don't seem to realise that some autistic people (or 'some people with autism,' if you prefer..) need 24/7 care.

I agree with a PP about some people needing a visible sign (like a wheelchair, cane, etc) before they treat disabled people with basic respect. I have a hidden disability that doesn't always affect me, but when it does, I might need assistance/adaptations etc. I don't use a mobility aid most of the time. The amount of people who simply don't believe me or refuse to let me use the facilities I need because I "look fine" is appalling. It means when I have a flare I end up sticking to places/routes I know are safe to use. It's limiting, obviously not in the same way as someone who is a 24/7 wheelchair user or similar, but it shows some of the attitudes around.

I also get disproportionately annoyed at people who have disabilities but don't make a fair and accurate assessment of what they actually need, and rather they see adaptations as a perk they're now entitled to, if that makes sense. So e.g. I know someone who has a mental health condition, which counts as a disability with her workplace, so she uses the accessible toilets because "it's for disabled people and I'm disabled." She won't be told that it's only for people who need the specific facilities/space in that toilet, on that day. I don't use the accessible toilet when I'm not flaring, because I don't need it then.

Yep. People are always surprised I had to buy my own wheelchair. My condition doesn't even have a treatment pathway in the NHS, let alone any help. And it took me over 18 months to get any diagnosis at all, which I got from eventually going private with family support. And the PIP process is degrading, you have to explain your difficulties in excruciating personal detail to an assessor who asks leading questions to try to get you to say you can do things that you can't, and then you get the report back and it says things like "you said you are unable to do x, but we have decided that you can". And then the money you get isn't enough to even cover the extra costs that come with the disability. And if you want universal credit, you have to get 3 monthly fit notes, and do a whole other invasive application process to be declared not fit for work, which duplicates most of the PIP form but apparently they can't use that. And you can't have savings or assets over £16000, which seems fair enough except that it means disabled people are penalised for having savings or property, so you can't attempt to better your life because your income will be taken away (PIP is not means tested but UC is)

Yes! I have adhd, diagnosed as an adult. Almost everything i read is aimed at children/parents of children.

Don’t they?! Am I imagining people having to put spikes on their wheelchair handles to stop people grabbing and moving them?

Or being unable to navigate around new builds because they have enormous heavy doors that are impossible to hold open while you wheel through and no one offers to help?

Or the time my power chair control has been grabbed and someone literally ran while pulling me behind them?

Or the never ending staring at my son when he dares to just exist in public?!

Not to mention the ‘help’ people who’s job it is to put the ramps down on the train who moan and complain to me and suggest I use another station next time because having to put down the ramp holds the train up,

or the shop assistants who look over my head and speak to anyone except me when they are serving, or the ones in the supermarket who won’t push the food down the til properly so I can reach it to pack the shopping bags?

Then you can add on the well meaning ones who say things like ‘have you been abandoned?’, or ‘where is your carer?’ Or insist on helping their own way rather than listening to what is actually helpful… then complain because touching/pulling a heavy power chair with a person in it is likely to lead to injury (for example taxi drivers insisting that they guide me to reverse down their ramp instead of letting my partner do it then getting their feet run over)

Or that the spectrum is more like a wheel than a linear measurement. DC is articulate, smiles, hugs, chats about interests, and so on, looks like your typical teen. Except DC hasn't got the cognitive skills to match that chatty, social exterior. No stranger awareness, no sense of personal safety, no self-control, poor working memory, poor fluid reasoning, cannot adapt 'in the moment', doesn't cope with change, doesn't understand boundaries or social expectations, and so on. Pick your subject and he can tell you all about it, ask him to go to the shop and buy you a loaf of bread and he's going to massively struggle. Ask him where his shoes are. Go even more simple, ask him to tie his shoes. He can explain to you all of the steps needed to tie shoes, might even give you a little history lesson about shoes through the ages, but ask him to execute tying those shoes himself and he can't as his brain can't translate that knowledge into the right hand movements carried out in the right order.

But people see him chatting and smiling and think well he's not really autistic is he, just just a touch of autism not full blown autism.

X2boys You are correct, but every time people do things like this they make it more difficult for people with disabilities who are struggling and really need the support.

My friend still has the Blue Badge despite having her knee op 18 months ago. I know because she used it last week. I met her but travelled separately (I refuse to travel in her car when she's using a Blue Badge she doesn't need).

Yes! My boy is 'severely' autistic, nonverbal, limited understanding, still occasionally has toileting accidents, etc. In some ways, I believe that's easier to cope with than sending a 'high functioning' child into the world, where they're expected to be independent but have to deal with a multitude of struggles that NT people don't.

I do agree.

I have a child with SEN who is in a mainstream school and who is clinically vulnerable. When the schools started going back - and then when mitigating measures were being lifted I was at a parent info evening and one mother asked me if I was concerned about mtigating measures being phased out. I said only I was a little concerned about it. That was all. Quite mild. Another mother who was listening rounded on me with a fair amount of aggression and started saying why should children like mine affect HER child and her child's experience of school. My child should not even BE in the school and in the past chidlren like kine would enver have lived beyond infancy anyway, so why was the whole country catering to people like him.

I wrote about it at the time on MN because I was - well- fairly distressed about it.

Anyway. My child is brilliant. (So is aggressive mum's child. She's a gorgous lovely little girl). But my child deserves to be valued as much as any other.

Since then- in fact just last week someone I know commented that in his days chidlren with SEN were knowns as 'window box' chidlren. In that you left them out to die of exposure. He was also commenting about how 'everyone seems to be disabled these days' in disparaging terms.

People who think like that are out there.

I'm shocked that it shocks you.

Those people are everywhere and they are not subtle about their awful views!

This is true. People will often make 'exceptions' (I say that because it sometimes feels like people feel it's putting them out to accept a ND child) for children, but expect adults to behave 'normally' to make NT adults feel comfortable.

Yes I was reading about a charity who have residential homes for people with autism and they said they preferred not to call autism a disability ,I mean fair enough some people with autism may not see themselves as disabled ,but a charity can't just decide its not a disability,my son is non verbal will never live independently,only had a very basic concept of the world around him ,it's insulting to.say he's not extremely disabled by his autism.

Ha, yes @ComeTheSpringLobelia - the good old "why is he even in this school anyway!?" parents. I'm sorry you had to encounter one.

During covid DC was offered a place at school because of SEN. I took it up. A parents who was there collecting work saw him in class and knew I wasn't working (I was a SAHM for a couple of years) so posted on the class group chat about people taking the piss with school places. Enough of a stink was kicked up that school suggested to me that since I wasn't working I should just keep DC at home. When they went back to school and had staggered start/end times DC was having daily meltdowns over the change. SENCo made arrangements for DC to come in at his normal time (8.45) but sit outside the office under receptionist supervision until his class opened (9.05) and then I could collect him at his usual time of 3.15 instead of the revised time of 3.35 so his routine was maintained. It lasted a week before the comments about taking the piss started again and how everyone was inconvenienced by the staggered starts and it was unfair some people were finding excuses to get around it. School again bowed to pressure and revoked the adjustment. DC won't do things like sports day or shows so during sports day and shows would come sit with me and happily spectate, that was again revoked when parents complained so school tried to force him which ended as well as you'd expect. Uniform was changed to collared shirts and a tie, DC won't wear stiff clothing so I asked if he could wear a polo shirt and tie, was told yes then this was again revoked when parents complained it was unfair. It was galling that instead of telling them to wind their necks in and that some children need adjustments, school just folded each and every time.

Moved DC to a new school and one of the very first things they did was to say "let's get an EHCP in place so we can get his needs defined and supported".

People saying autism isn’t a disability really annoy me. By its definition it is a disability and nobody is helped by pretending it isn’t.

an individual may not feel that they are disabled by their autism but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t a disability.

That is absolutely outrageous @Iam4eels .

Oh, how wrong you are. Sadly,

This early post sums it up: "IME inclusion and equality rapidly runs out when non-disabled people think they are going to somehow going to be inconvenienced by it or when they think that disabled people are getting some sort of 'perk' that would be better allocated to non-disabled people"

Everyone is inclusive... until it means they need to make adjustments that they'd rather not, can't be bothered to etc etc. Especially for hidden disabilities.

I remember when my son was newly diagnosed and I told a colleague and she said something like 'it's awful when they're poorly isn't it?' I know she was well meaning but it shows how little people know or care about it.

I also don't like it when people say autism isn't a disability. It definitely is (I'm autistic), and saying it's not not only minimises our experiences, but also suggests that disability is a bad thing that people should try and distance themselves from

This is part of the problem, isn't it. There's absolutely no education in schools or for adults (unless you purposely seek it out) on disabilities. You only really learn about additional needs when you're in the midst of it.

As others have mentioned, your language is ableist and discriminatory.

It's 'a person with special needs'. Not 'special needs people'.

Please consider educating yourself before trying to instruct others on what to do and how to behave.

Whether someone who is autistic is considered to have a disability depends on the nature of their autism.

Disability is defined as such:

You're disabled under the Equality Act 2010 if you have a physical or mental impairment that has a 'substantial' and 'long-term' negative effect on your ability to do normal daily activities.

So one person who is autistic may be disabled. Another may not. It really depends on the individual, so it's right to say that being autistic doesn't automatically mean someone has a disability.

I'm deaf...the amount of people who think that if they shout I will hear them or who think if they talk very slowly I will somehow understand them,

Just listen to how frequently people use 'deaf' as a synonym for 'stupid'.

These are probably the same ones who assume that foreigners who don't speak 100% perfect native English - or just need you not to speak very quickly to them and use complicated and/or colloquial words - are also stupid; even though they don't speak a single word of the foreigner's language, and indeed may have travelled presumptuously to the (to them) foreigner's own country.