What is going on with parenting these days?

[whocaresaboutbeingpopular]

Ok, so as my name change suggests I am aware this won’t be popular. My children are almost adults, youngest is 17 this year.

me and OH are away this weekend, we went to a place that to be fair we were aware would be full of kids; but we didn’t think that would matter as we don’t dislike having children around, however, since when did it become a thing to….

put your kids in front of a screen when they are having a meal? Not to mention having full volume of Peppa Fucking Pig?

let your kids shriek at high pitch continuously?

let your 18 month old walk themselves down the stairs despite a massive queue of people behind t? Ffs pick them up!

yes, no doubt I sound a right miserable bastard, but come on - is this how people are raising their kids these day? Bring on the entitled generation.

@Itsnotaferret

“If it didn't ruin it why mention it. Go sell misery someplace else”

😂

and there speaks one of “those” entitled parents:…

…what do you propose we are permitted s to discuss on mumsnet if not parenting? Do you suggest everything is run past you so that you can decide if it’s allowed?

I see this all the time in retail parks they think they're safe parking in parent and child and encouraging independence. Some barely one and they don't even hold they're hand. Just let them run from the car to the shop not even stopping to make sure they look both ways. They're in a carpark not a playground.

The shoving a screen in front of a child as soon as they sit down is awful. It's especially awful when the parents allow then to listen to it at full volume.

How are they meant to learn how to interact Or behave at a table if they are instantly shut up with a screen? I've never seen parents who shove a screen in their baby's face actually interacting with them. It's always a "have this and just shut" tool.

At least with colouring books,they have to do "sonething" and learn to sit quietly not just zone out and need constant bright flashy simulation.

Or y'know you could give your child some credit and actually help them learn how to act properly and interact with them so they don't get bored.

I'm not anti-screen BTW.

I'm sanguine about noisy kids - "there but by the grace of God" is what I usually think. I am all for tablets if the sound is turned down or off. Generally, I don't blame the kids for how they are - they are solely a product of their upbringing and occasionally, mental health.

What I cannot in recent years abide are

• parents asking you to move (often involving standing up) so they can sit with their kids on buses or trains
• parents insisting that their child "pays" or presses whatever button is needed and them not doing so, and then kicking off when people complain that they are taking their time
• parents using having kids to barge into queues in shops or other establishments without asking
• parents taking children slowly down the stairs, more or less blocking the entire stairs, in the middle of the rush hour, including memorably once when a dad stood at the bottom of the stairs trying to stop people walking past them (that lasted about 2 seconds). And them MASSIVELY kicking off.
• children massively misbehaving on public transport or in shops and parents showing no interest...until a shopworker or adult attempts to restrain the child from throwing jars on the floor, hitting me or trying to take articles from my basket. I had a child try to eat from my plate once in a cafe and the mum did nothing until I blocked her from doing so, and then threatened to call the police ! I would be delighted to know what I should have down as regards a child assaulting me, or stealing my goods. And yes, I did try and call the parent over in all cases.

I'm not saying that things have changed massively overall - but problems are different from when I was young. I do see more people make children the centre of their lives over the last few decades - I am not sure that's always healthy. When I saw a mum recently have a meltdown in a shop because they didn't have the toy she'd promised the child for her birthday (but neglected to order, reserve of check availability), I did think "Ah, that's where she's got it from". Yes, Smyths are completely and personally responsible for ruining your child's birthday

rolls eyes

Rant over !

I voted to say not unreasonable for everything except the tablet situation. As long as children aren't disrupting others how their parents choose to entertain them at the table is nobodies business but their own, yours included. I also find that the majority of people to criticise children playing on tablets are the older generation who I simply won't accept criticism from because I feel their 'parenting' left a lot to be desired and their criticism of tablet usage is sheer jealousy that they were not invented when their children were young.

let your 18 month old walk themselves down the stairs despite a massive queue of people behind t? Ffs pick them up!

I always remember a man coming along and asking if I wanted dd to be carried at 18 months, trying to get up the stairs alone as I carried everything - excellent I said, thank you

just go up and ask if they need help as everyone is piling up behind

That’s uncalled for and completely horrible to suggest the op is peri menopausal. Quite the cat.

There is far too much PPP (p**s poor parenting) - you see it in schools. Parents refuse to let their darlings sit detentions or be held accountable in any way, blame everything and everyone around them.

Also - this may make me unpopular, but blaming ND is becoming more and more common. I know severely autistic children with great parents who behave well and have manners. And I also know far too many with mild or no SEN who have no respect or manners and are allowed to use autism, adhd and even dyslexia as a get out of jail free card.

@Bossmum94

I feel their 'parenting' left a lot to be desired and their criticism of tablet usage is sheer jealousy that they were not invented when their children were young.

are you having a laugh? Seriously? Having a day out and having to listen to the inane singing and noises from the likes of Thomas the Tank or Teletubbies (my kids favourites) whilst eating lunch - jealous? Errrr no, not really.

Apart from the fact that Technology re tablets etc has been around long enough for my youngest to have had a tablet from she 9/10 and a smart phone from around age 11 - when starting secondary school - and they were not allowed to be on it at whilst eating or at social occasions. This was also the case with my friends who had children - it was very rare to see children on tech in public, even though it was around.

Dead 😂😂😂😂👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

With you on everything op! My youngest is 19 and I actually think I’m allergic to children!

Thank you for calling out that poster, although probably a troll. Shame MN deleted it, as the poster is only showing themselves up.

Headphones should be worn or volume turned right down, but it is the parents choice whether their children are allowed on a tablet or not, as long as it isn't disturbing others it isn't up for debate.

More annoying for schools is the parents with poorly behaved kids who refuse to accept any responsibility for their child's actions let alone discipline them in anyway, diagnose their child as ND. Will insist on referral, self refer do whatever they can for their child to be seen then when report comes back negative, will move on to a different diagnosis. Anything to wash their hands of any actual parenting.

I agree @whocaresaboutbeingpopular My kids were raised to have table manners and being out to eat was an opportunity to practice them and their social skills. They were happy, healthy kids. It didn’t make them unhappy or oppressed to be prevented from running around or shouting. I wish there were more adult only restaurants, but business have to think about their bottom line and these days there are fewer folk who can afford to eat out regularly.

Now it won’t be just you who is shouted at by MNs who think everyone should think their kids are just adorable as they shriek and run around. I’m off to duck for cover!

Putting kids in front of a tablet in a restaurant is perfectly acceptable. It allows the parents a well earned break and it’s quite frankly nobody else’s business, very common place today and a strange thing to be judgemental about. Having it on at a volume that others can hear though is a big no no and inconsiderate.
Was there really a child that shrieked at a high pitch continuously the entire time?! Doesn’t sound likely. Probably more likely there are lots of kids and a lot of shrieks in aggregate rather than one continuous offender. I think if you go to a kids place, that’s on you, embrace the chaos to a certain extent. There is a line though where it becomes too much but meltdowns can be unpredictable and unavoidable and not indicative of someone’s parenting. it’s not fair to banish families with children (neurotypical or neurodiverse) or to make them feel uncomfortable /unwelcome/guilty when there’s some noise or boisterous behaviour. It happens, they’re not robots and it’s a good chance for kids to get used being in public places and learning how to behave - but that’s not something that happens without practice and without relying on a bit of empathy and tolerance from those nearby. That’s life, just like someone might have an annoying loud laugh.
An 18 month old being slow going down steps - not the end of the world. A bit self absorbed of the parents not to notice/care it’s causing a pile up but on the other hand, kids must be seen, heard and encouraged to try things.I’m pretty sure that 18 month old won’t become entitled because they were allowed to walk down some stairs!
Bottom line, sorry you let this ruin your meal, it sounds like it wasn’t the right restaurant choice for you and you had a few inconsiderate people who should have put headphones on their kids.

We went for tea in what is usually a quiet pub, the table opposite was reserved for a 40th (tea time ) adults arrive and just a few kids they gave them party hats and blooming party blowers , so we spent an hour and half listening to them being blown, I have kids and grandkids and wouldn't produce blowers unless it was in a private party setting

Ah, so would you rather go back to the days where parents left their kids in the car/pub garden for hours unsupervised with a packet of crisps?

Things weren’t always better in the olden days. Time moves on, and for all you know the only time those children are allowed to watch Peppa Pig is when they are in a restaurant so they will keep still and quiet and not piss everyone else off by singing/running around etc. Which I’m sure you would moan about as well.

Just an FYI but neurodiverse children are all very different and so you should be careful with generalisations! Different challenges, different sensory triggers i.e. a ND kid that has a massive meltdown in public may have the best parents in the world, whilst a quiet ND kid may have terrible parents. Suggesting people use ND diagnoses as get out of jail free cards is like suggesting someone in a wheelchair is being lazy. #bekind

Why shouldn’t an 18 month old walk at their own pace? Surely that’s teaching him/her to be independent? Maybe the parent had their hands full? Would you be moaning about an 80 year old walking slowly? I think you just need to be more patient and generally less of a judgemental whinger.

I put YANBU but one of my kids does look at his screen at dinner when we are out. He finds small talk, or any talk, really tricky. He does have SN but to be honest that is not the whole reason. I just think dinner out with adults can be incredibly boring for a child if they have no one the want to talk to. And no talking to us as parents - well I think it flows much better when out walking or doing activities with my kids.

But screens are down when eating and headphones are used!

What’s an ND child? And agree with you OP on all points

Although in response to neurodiverse / disabilities. One of my kids does wear his headphones on the whole time in busy restaurants. They are noise cancelling and he is not listening to anything some of the time. But they are the only way he can tolerate it.

I did teach him at a young age though that he couldn’t have his iPad on high volume in public. And he doesn’t.

Try not to be too harsh on them, a lot of parents would gladly admit they don’t know what they are doing and are just trying to do their best. I am one of them I expect.

Meh, I have one who is like that but another who is ND and we do take a screen out as they are incapable of being ‘well-behaved and patient’ in restaurants without some entertainment or distraction. so I would never openly admit to ‘judging others’ who do so (and would hate to pass that kind of attitude down to my kids, I want them to be kind, well-rounded individuals)

So yeah lots to do with luck, some parents really do just have it easier and it is zero to do with superior parenting, you just have it easier.