Racism?

[Canyoubelieveit18]

My DD this year started at one of the top selective schools in London. Yesterday, I was having dinner with one of the mums in her year, who after a few drinks, blurted out how Asian the school is and how much she wishes it was a lot more white. She is white and I am Asian. I was stunned and didn’t know how to respond. I am so angry! Why so much racism and hate towards Asians whose children get into these schools on merit?

Anybody?

Well what did you say to her in response?

I was shocked and couldn’t mutter anything to that..

I see you didn't respond, sorry im tired.

You should have said something, or at least "you do know I'm Asian don't you? What a disgusting comment"

Of course it’s racism — and completely unacceptable. In my experience those “top selective” schools are nests of vipers by their very nature though, so sadly it doesn’t surprise me.

@FlappyValley you are right! so far our experience hasn’t been the best!

YANBU, that's an awful thing to say to you.
As for those saying "why didn't you say anything?" not everyone is great at being put on the spot speech wise like that, I know I'm not!
I'd be too much like 😳😡 and stutter/stumble and come up with the perfect response 5 hours later when it's all over and I'm back at home 😁

There will be many snobbish and insecure parents at that kind of school who don't realise that there is an element of luck that their child got in. If they weren't bitching about Asian people, they'd be talking about the state school kids or people from the "wrong" postcode. You see it on here too- people convinced that their top private school child is discriminated against when it comes to university entry etc.
Of course this is racism and it's pretty shocking that she said it out loud. I wouldn't be dining with her any more that's for sure.

It seems like racism against Asians is almost more culturally acceptable

I have also noticed that there is a lot of racial segregation at school, albeit driven by the girls and parents themselves. It’s too cliquey in that sense. Indian kids and parents band together, same for Chinese, same for white. It’s so absurd! Is it the same at all independent schools or we have landed in a special one?

From my knowledge it's the same everywhere and has been for a long while.

Ugh. So awful. I’m so sorry. :(
I think sometimes people of marginalized/ mistreated races might stick together for the sake of feeling more safe in such an environment.

what a horrid thing to say to you. Yes, it was blatantly racist, and awful.

Thank you everyone for the kind words. This is the first time I faced such outright racism and I am just so stunned! I hope the children of such people turn out to be nicer human beings!

You think it’s the OP who needed to change her behaviour here? Really?

this sounds rubbish for you and your child OP.

Is it City?

Bloody hell, OP! I think I’d be letting other parents know that this one is a racist. At least she has shown you who she is so you can avoid her from now on.

I can’t get over someone thinking this is an appropriate thing to say. I mean it’s bad enough to think it, but to actually say this sort of shit. Jeez.

I am not surprised you didn’t know what to say.

No, it isn't. I am Asian too. What she said was unacceptable.

It is an emerging phenomenon. I don’t think it is about whether they got in on merit or not. I think it is snobbery.

For example, my son’s independent primary school is the best in the area. Very academic. However, entry is not by selection and it is basically a case of whether you have the finances and whether there are any obvious issues with your child.

The area it serves is hugely diverse. BUT what I have observed over the years is that the intake is now largely Asian. It’s now to the point where all of reception and Year 1 are Asian.

I’ve overheard white parents talking about this in a way that they don’t like it and look down in this evolution.

My conclusion is that there is a phenomenon of white flight from some independent schools. They are not even bothering to seek entry into schools that are perceived as predominantly Asian. Hence the majority of potential students to certain independent and grammar schools are Asian which then means that the vast majority that get accepted are Asian. It’s a vicious cycle that ends in little diversity and some schools look down upon as being “too Asian”.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that there is a narrative around “well-rounded” rather than just academic, heavily tutored children. Again, it’s a dig at Asian students who tend to be heavily tutored and under pressure at home to succeed academically.

If it was a case of only who gets in on merit, there would be much greater diversity at application stage and eventually at admissions stage.

Also notice that just as Asians at going to independent and grammar schools in droves, Oxbridge is now giving preference to those at state schools, where the white flight has headed

Many Asians also look down on independent and grammar schools that are predominantly Asian. They prefer diversity. One couple said to me, without a hint of hypocrisy, that these schools focus too much on academic scores which can be obtained through tutoring to pass the particular exam of a particular school. Their son is heavily tutored and gave up all his extracurricular activities to focus on entrance exams since year 4.

It is racist but it is also complex. Many Asians express the same thoughts as your hire friend and they do so very openly- at least in my experience. I personally have never responded to this because I honestly have no idea what to say.

Asians are getting wealthier as well. They are no longer the mill workers and janitors who arrived in the 60s. One is PM.

And some people think we should know our place.

When will we get rid of the stereotype of a poor Asian child getting tutored day in and day out to achieve some academic excellence whilst a white child just excels academically on his/her own accord without any coaching whatsoever. She is a born genius! That’s simply not true from what I have observed at the top selective schools.

That does not explain the skewed population at these independent schools, including those in wealthy, diverse areas.

Asians are not disproportionately getting wealthier nor other ethnicities becoming disproportionately poorer.

Moreover grammar schools are free.

Whatever the reason, it is unfortunate and not good for the students.

Part of the problem I believe is prejudice.

Of course it’s racist. It’s also breathtakingly stupid and lacking in self awareness. I would give her a wide berth.

Indeed.

Is it a top London school? Only you failed to mention that.