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Original poster

Struggling with colleague

131 replies

Krayvon2 · 10/02/2023 21:58

A colleague I manage has ADHD. I've always been more than happy to accommodate and I've asked them several times what adaptations need to be made to brief in tasks etc

They've never been forthcoming with specific recommendations and it's always been vague so I've done my best and given them double the amount of time with tasks, ensured briefs are crystal clear with deadlines and regularly checked in and offered to help.

For a recent task I gave them double the amount of time I would give myself, sent them a brief and made sure they weren't given too many other tasks that week so they could concentrate on this one. I've always made clear that if they have difficulties for whatever reason, they need to let me know.

They left the task to the last minute and didn't do half of it so I had to step in and do a lot myself at the eleventh hour in order to avoid missing a client deadline. They didn't communicate difficulties at any point until I checked in. I'm at a loss as to what they were actually doing in the week I gave them to do the task.

When I pulled them up on it and asked what had happened, they mention the limitations of their condition straight away and explain how they have trouble with things like prioritising and focusing. Yet they didn't reach out once to explain this or ask me to brief in a different way to make it easier for them.

Have I been unreasonable here? I'm not pretending I have the answers but I have tried all I can think of to accommodate yet its not working and they're not really giving me much guidance on what they need yet it's always the reason why they can't do the work I set.

Meanwhile I'm taking on lots of extra work so as not to overload them yet they struggle with completing one single task. No idea what to do.

OP posts:
poobaloo · 11/02/2023 12:59

@Krayvon2 you've mentioned going to HR but not occupational health. That is the team you need to be engaging with.
Do they have an official diagnosis? If so they are covered by the Equalities act, and it's your responsibility to put reasonable adjustments in place. They them selves have a responsibility to actively engage in this process.
Have they had a referral to Access to Work? They can look at equipment / coaching that can support.
Your colleague sounds difficult, but at the same time it sounds like processes haven't been followed.
Please do an OH referral asap.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/02/2023 13:15

Do they have an official diagnosis? If so they are covered by the Equalities act, and it's your responsibility to put reasonable adjustments in place. They them selves have a responsibility to actively engage in this process

They can request adjustments even before an official diagnosis, which could well explain why there's been such an explosion in folk doing it for themselves, but if it comes to a disciplinary they'll probably need one if they wish to invoke the Equalities Act

Of course we can't know the full facts here, but from everything OP's said - especially about the refusal to engage - I'd be amazed if this particular employee has such a formal diagnosis

NeverDropYourMooncup · 11/02/2023 13:30

Krayvon2 · 11/02/2023 11:47

So I'm not dealing with a young person who is new to the workplace here

Is that particularly relevant?

I did notice that you haven't responded to my query about the physical environment this person has to work in. It is very relevant when you're discussing ADHD and the challenges somebody with the diagnosis experiences.

To give an example, when I first moved into my office, everything about it was wrong. It was a mess, boxes, paperwork, furniture, more furniture, storage on top of storage underneath more things and tangles of cables trailing all over the place. So I totally cleaned it, reorganised it and it became clear, uncluttered and whilst it wasn't perfect, it was useable.

At which point, people saw it as a handy, clean space to put more fucking things into it. Every morning, I wonder what I'm going to have to squeeze around that has been added overnight. And then they come in through the day to rummage around the shite, to add more, to, because they have covered every other surface including all but a tiny goat path on the floor, dump shit literally on my fucking desk as I am trying to work.

People coming in for the specific purpose of my job are absolutely fine. People coming in for things that I have agreed or will agree to assist with are absolutely fine. But people in and out all day disturbing me, making noise, mess and making my office space resemble a fucking elephants' graveyard do my fucking head in and there is no way on earth I'm going to remember email #74 that I read just as three people came bumbling in to search for what box out of the five that were abandoned in my path to my desk contains a particular item and then dumped four of them on top of my work in the process still needs attention because I was so distracted, I didn't have a chance to click on the flag before the phone rang and another twelve similarly titled (ie, FW: xx, no indication of what they were about or what was required) emails with time critical properties came through.

But inform me that I need to tell somebody exactly what I need when I'm sat there thinking 'I CAN'T DO THIS'? You're just dumping another distraction, a huge task, upon my head. It's an important one, for me personally, it is actually the most important thing because it's affecting my ability to do my actual job. But there's stuff I know in my job that is time critical. So I'm having to try and do all that and try to ignore the environment because I am already feeling overwhelmed and need to get that shit done.

TigeToo · 11/02/2023 13:49

3LittleFishes · 11/02/2023 10:30

@TigeToo just out of interest, other than calling me a bastard, how would you deal with the situation?

@3LittleFishes I’m so sorry, I should not have said that. Please accept my apology.

I could never do a managerial role so I have no idea how I’d deal with someone like this. All I know is it’s extremely difficult for some people with ADHD to get stuff done. It’s incredibly frustrating for us too.

Again, apologies for my outburst. It was uncalled for.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 11/02/2023 14:12

Have you had a debrief and asked them the open ended question if they have a similar task in the future what they and you are going to do differently to stop it happening again?

I'd suggest no extra time, if someone procrastinates, that might just cause pressure to build up. I think it might be a case of breaking the task down into small steps and then assigning a deadline to each and checking in each time. If they still can't perform and they can't suggest any reasonable adjustments themselves then I'd suggest getting someone like occupational therapy involved. You can't do their job for them

TigeToo · 11/02/2023 14:16

To actually try and be helpful on this thread instead of being a dick like I was earlier …

I would advise against giving them extra time. Extra time is just more time to put off doing something. It will make no difference to the end result and may even make it worse.

I work better if I’m told “This needs doing now, you have until the end of the day”. That way there is no “I’ll do it tomorrow” mindset

MovingToPlan · 11/02/2023 14:21

I work well under an agile project management approach. I have several short meetings throughout the week to discuss any updates with projects, as well as extra drop in meetings to discuss aspects in more detail. I am always held accountable, but not in a negative way, more in a "let's ensure blockers are removed asap" sort of way.

When I've been left to it for a week or more with no check ins, I really feel isolated and unable to focus. Knowing I need to give updates regularly really sharpens my focus and helps me progress on work.

OnceAgainWithFeeling · 11/02/2023 15:03

poobaloo · 11/02/2023 12:59

@Krayvon2 you've mentioned going to HR but not occupational health. That is the team you need to be engaging with.
Do they have an official diagnosis? If so they are covered by the Equalities act, and it's your responsibility to put reasonable adjustments in place. They them selves have a responsibility to actively engage in this process.
Have they had a referral to Access to Work? They can look at equipment / coaching that can support.
Your colleague sounds difficult, but at the same time it sounds like processes haven't been followed.
Please do an OH referral asap.

They don’t need a diagnosis to be covered by EA2010.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 11/02/2023 15:07

Have you thought about access to work funding? They might be able to get support through the DWP? We use it loads at work and it means they get the right support?

GCWorkNightmare · 11/02/2023 15:08

Employer has to cover the first £1000 of any Access To Work interventions.

poobaloo · 11/02/2023 15:10

Yes I agree that they don't need an official diagnosis to be covered by the EA.

I am struggling to understand why the OP hasn't sought the advice and support of occupational health.

CurlyTop1980 · 11/02/2023 15:11

I completely sympathise. I managed a staff member who has ADHD and like you I gave her extra time, limited case loads and allocated new children (were Social workers) based on her ability. But it was never enough. She accused me of babying her and not giving her the opportunity to progress. So I then allocated more complicated cases with higher demands (as she requested). And she went on long term sick due to stress.

I had to leave in the end as managing her caused my stress levels to increase. Probably not much help.

CurlyTop1980 · 11/02/2023 15:13

poobaloo · 11/02/2023 15:10

Yes I agree that they don't need an official diagnosis to be covered by the EA.

I am struggling to understand why the OP hasn't sought the advice and support of occupational health.

I made sure my staff member was supported by OT and they attended a adhd support group each Wednesday afternoon. I also attended a support group for managing & understanding people with Adhd

poobaloo · 11/02/2023 15:15

@CurlyTop1980 Occupational therapy (OT) and occupational health aren't the same thing!

CurlyTop1980 · 11/02/2023 15:19

poobaloo · 11/02/2023 15:15

@CurlyTop1980 Occupational therapy (OT) and occupational health aren't the same thing!

Probably a typo

safetyfreak · 11/02/2023 15:23

@CurlyTop1980 that is a real shame, did you speak to your senior for support and HR for advice? It sounds very unfair.

OP, I would advise you talk to your senior and go down theHR route. Some people will use their disability for their benefit and will attack you with it, so be very careful.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 11/02/2023 15:29

007DoubleOSeven · 10/02/2023 22:29

Ask them what they do to manage their condition. You're going to lot of effort to help but ultimately its up to them, they need to take responsibility even if that means they turn around and say, no sorry I can't do this efficiently at this point in time.
There is lots of help and management techniques out there and freely available, are they making use of it?

Are there any specific sites uoud recommend? Re strategies /help generally?

CloudyOwl · 11/02/2023 16:03

@NeverDropYourMooncup

^I did notice that you haven't responded to my query about the physical environment this person has to work in. It is very relevant when you're discussing ADHD and the challenges somebody with the diagnosis experiences.

To give an example, when I first moved into my office, everything about it was wrong. It was a mess, boxes, paperwork, furniture, more furniture, storage on top of storage underneath more things and tangles of cables trailing all over the place. So I totally cleaned it, reorganised it and it became clear, uncluttered and whilst it wasn't perfect, it was useable.

At which point, people saw it as a handy, clean space to put more fucking things into it. Every morning, I wonder what I'm going to have to squeeze around that has been added overnight. And then they come in through the day to rummage around the shite, to add more, to, because they have covered every other surface including all but a tiny goat path on the floor, dump shit literally on my fucking desk as I am trying to work.

People coming in for the specific purpose of my job are absolutely fine. People coming in for things that I have agreed or will agree to assist with are absolutely fine. But people in and out all day disturbing me, making noise, mess and making my office space resemble a fucking elephants' graveyard do my fucking head in and there is no way on earth I'm going to remember email #74 that I read just as three people came bumbling in to search for what box out of the five that were abandoned in my path to my desk contains a particular item and then dumped four of them on top of my work in the process still needs attention because I was so distracted, I didn't have a chance to click on the flag before the phone rang and another twelve similarly titled (ie, FW: xx, no indication of what they were about or what was required) emails with time critical properties came through.

But inform me that I need to tell somebody exactly what I need when I'm sat there thinking 'I CAN'T DO THIS'? You're just dumping another distraction, a huge task, upon my head. It's an important one, for me personally, it is actually the most important thing because it's affecting my ability to do my actual job. But there's stuff I know in my job that is time critical. So I'm having to try and do all that and try to ignore the environment because I am already feeling overwhelmed and need to get that shit done.^

This is all very VERY ASD, rather than ADHD.

CloudyOwl · 11/02/2023 16:06

Sorry, rubbish job of trying to quote in italics.

jitteryquick · 11/02/2023 16:08

CloudyOwl · 11/02/2023 16:03

@NeverDropYourMooncup

^I did notice that you haven't responded to my query about the physical environment this person has to work in. It is very relevant when you're discussing ADHD and the challenges somebody with the diagnosis experiences.

To give an example, when I first moved into my office, everything about it was wrong. It was a mess, boxes, paperwork, furniture, more furniture, storage on top of storage underneath more things and tangles of cables trailing all over the place. So I totally cleaned it, reorganised it and it became clear, uncluttered and whilst it wasn't perfect, it was useable.

At which point, people saw it as a handy, clean space to put more fucking things into it. Every morning, I wonder what I'm going to have to squeeze around that has been added overnight. And then they come in through the day to rummage around the shite, to add more, to, because they have covered every other surface including all but a tiny goat path on the floor, dump shit literally on my fucking desk as I am trying to work.

People coming in for the specific purpose of my job are absolutely fine. People coming in for things that I have agreed or will agree to assist with are absolutely fine. But people in and out all day disturbing me, making noise, mess and making my office space resemble a fucking elephants' graveyard do my fucking head in and there is no way on earth I'm going to remember email #74 that I read just as three people came bumbling in to search for what box out of the five that were abandoned in my path to my desk contains a particular item and then dumped four of them on top of my work in the process still needs attention because I was so distracted, I didn't have a chance to click on the flag before the phone rang and another twelve similarly titled (ie, FW: xx, no indication of what they were about or what was required) emails with time critical properties came through.

But inform me that I need to tell somebody exactly what I need when I'm sat there thinking 'I CAN'T DO THIS'? You're just dumping another distraction, a huge task, upon my head. It's an important one, for me personally, it is actually the most important thing because it's affecting my ability to do my actual job. But there's stuff I know in my job that is time critical. So I'm having to try and do all that and try to ignore the environment because I am already feeling overwhelmed and need to get that shit done.^

This is all very VERY ASD, rather than ADHD.

@CloudyOwl you are wrong this is absolutely classic ADHD. What do you think ADHD is?!
I have ADHD and I reading that post makes me feel anxious and stressed!!!

jitteryquick · 11/02/2023 16:09

(And I do not have ASD)

CloudyOwl · 11/02/2023 16:10

Maybe you do?

RealBecca · 11/02/2023 16:13

Can you get an occupational health referral? Some people with ADHD cant plan to meet a deadline that feels too far away so perhaps he opposite of a longer deadline might help, more like sprints. Maybe trying a daily check in or end of day debrief against a plan might work better

jitteryquick · 11/02/2023 16:15

@CloudyOwl no I really don't.
I'm curious as you said you had tried to learn about ADHD why you think that post doesn't demonstrate it? It encapsulates brilliantly the challenges that we can face in the work environment.
There is a huge issue with people thinking they understand what ADHD is and how it presents, but getting it very wrong. I would not expect at all for people to have that understanding and knowledge unless they need it. But as a condition it is so much more than the stereotype of someone who is easily distracted and fidgets a lot.

CurlyTop1980 · 11/02/2023 16:16

safetyfreak · 11/02/2023 15:23

@CurlyTop1980 that is a real shame, did you speak to your senior for support and HR for advice? It sounds very unfair.

OP, I would advise you talk to your senior and go down theHR route. Some people will use their disability for their benefit and will attack you with it, so be very careful.

Thanks. I was already wavering about leaving but this really made me want to leave sooner rather than later. My staff members couldn't manage the level of risk we were dealing with and I kept waking in the night worried she may have missed something. It wasn't worth. It.