Struggling with colleague

[Krayvon2]

A colleague I manage has ADHD. I've always been more than happy to accommodate and I've asked them several times what adaptations need to be made to brief in tasks etc

They've never been forthcoming with specific recommendations and it's always been vague so I've done my best and given them double the amount of time with tasks, ensured briefs are crystal clear with deadlines and regularly checked in and offered to help.

For a recent task I gave them double the amount of time I would give myself, sent them a brief and made sure they weren't given too many other tasks that week so they could concentrate on this one. I've always made clear that if they have difficulties for whatever reason, they need to let me know.

They left the task to the last minute and didn't do half of it so I had to step in and do a lot myself at the eleventh hour in order to avoid missing a client deadline. They didn't communicate difficulties at any point until I checked in. I'm at a loss as to what they were actually doing in the week I gave them to do the task.

When I pulled them up on it and asked what had happened, they mention the limitations of their condition straight away and explain how they have trouble with things like prioritising and focusing. Yet they didn't reach out once to explain this or ask me to brief in a different way to make it easier for them.

Have I been unreasonable here? I'm not pretending I have the answers but I have tried all I can think of to accommodate yet its not working and they're not really giving me much guidance on what they need yet it's always the reason why they can't do the work I set.

Meanwhile I'm taking on lots of extra work so as not to overload them yet they struggle with completing one single task. No idea what to do.

I've always had my suspicions but some of these posts describe me too a T!

Is your colleague in the office or wfh? I'm my own worst enemy esp wfh, doom scrolling on my phone to avoid starting, procrastinating, doing something else...

What helps me is is short deadlines, focusing on single tasks and pressure! Tell me to put everything aside because an urgent task has come up that must be done now and I'll switch off notifications and get into the zone and be super productive! Tell me to juggle multiple important, but not urgent things, and leave me to manage my own te and I'll freeze and achieve very little!

I'm ADHD and have my own business and HAVE to manage everything.... or I won't have a job. You are being very accommodating and it seems like they are taking the micky

te = time!

YAVNBU.
I am not currently on medication, but I have been on medication for ADHD for long periods (more than a decade in total in the past) and the diagnosis has been confirmed by multiple psychiatrists. Before my last pregnancy I was prescribed medication by my GP.

I have never told anyone at work that I have ADHD. I would be embarrassed if they knew. I am obviously worse at prioritising, organizing, managing and anything requiring high levels of executive function than most other people (not all, perhaps) at my pay grade. But I'm better than most of the people I work with at a lot of other things, including generating ideas very quickly, being calm under pressure, and seeing odd but important errors that other people miss.

We are all different. An adult even with relatively severe and unmedicated ADHD (me right now, though as perimenopause hits I am reconsidering medication) is not disabled and needs nothing more than normal human tolerance and understanding. In fact I find the idea that I am disabled by the way I think to be prejudicial and annoying. I can't understand why anyone would seek that label for the condition I have. (NB, many people with ADHD have other comorbid conditions. I am speaking only about ADHD.)

I'm sorry but I have adhd and I definitely feel disabled. Just because you have been able to manage it doesn't mean others are able to. We all suffer with it in slightly different ways.

Op I would hate to have extra time although when I was younger I may have thought this could be a good idea. I like also been full of wishful thinking that somehow today will be the day that my brain works and I can just crack on so I might not have mentioned anything. I've also found mentioning things i've been struggling with have been met with confusion and derision as they make little sense to people without the disorder.

Personally I need:

• fairly short, clear deadlines
• tasks broken down if possible
• time built in free of interruption from calls or emails which are a rabbit hole of distraction
• clear structure to the day
• being able to use coping mechanisms even if they make no sense to you (for example I find I can do 2x as much work listening to an audio book or podcast but my boss thought I couldn't possibly concentrate that way and so told me I couldn't do this and wondered why productivity got worse)
• do NOT give them easier and therefore more boring tasks, this will backfire massively and result in them hating the job and procrastinating doing any of it as it feels like actual torture
• move them next to you if you can or away from chatty or distracting people.
• several shorter breaks rather than one long one
• some pressure, set the deadline earlier than you need and ask for regular updates on status so they know you will be checking

Ultimately I eventually gave up trying to do a self motivating job and got one that's very 'now and next' with no opportunity to go off piste or get lost in my own thoughts. Hope this helps!

I don't see the benefit to either of you of just giving her less work. Adjustment doesn't mean her doing less, the adjustments are in the working and communication style. She needs to perform exactly the same as other employees, she may just have a slightly different working approach or method. Have you had any training in managing someone with ADHD?

Yes I’m waiting on a diagnosis and currently finding techniques to help manage working. The pomodoro method helps me, it’s not so much extra time but time allowed to take breaks/be flexible that help me. I need the deadlines, and I need to be busy. I use my calendar for reminders to do work, and we have regular meetings to keep on top of things.

I prefer working in the office - seeing others work forces my brain to think ah I’m at work, at home there’s no reminder so I just can’t focus.

getting out for a walk to reset even if it’s just five ten minutes helps.

I reckon give them half the time you’d take, rather than double, but then I can only do anything under threat of a terrifying deadline(!)

In seriousness though they sound like they need to start finding their own tools to manage things as well. Were they diagnosed as an adult? Maybe they need to see an ADHD coach. I’ve found even watching free ADHD content on instagram etc (I KNOW) helpful with tips on managing myself.

You sound like a really nice colleague to have, by the way.

Like others have said, giving extra time doesn't help. That just gives people more time to put off doing the work. Agreeing on some intermediate deadlines might be better. Smaller tasks more often, rather than one overall thing to be finished in the future. Set it so certain things have to be finished by the end of the day. It's hard to advise without knowing the type of work. They're not communicating difficulties because they are not aware they are having difficulties until it's too late. The ADHD brain always thinks "It's ok, I still have time".

They're taking the piss.

I always found mini deadlines throughout the task more helpful for me. So I would break down the task and give progressive deadlines that my managers could see me tick off.

His ADHD should not be solely your problem to solve, he needs to be proactive with it too.

Leaving things to the the last minute is a classic symptom of ADHD. Our brains need either interest, urgency or novelty to kick in and start working. It's not possible to just override this and do it anyway.

I've just had to write and deliver a full day's training course. I had ages to do it. Tried and tried to get on with it to no avail. Lo and behold I ended up working on my days off in the week previous and then until 3 in the morning that day before I had to deliver it because I hadn't done the work in the weeks before. EVERY FUCKING TIME THIS HAPPENS!!!! Drives me absolutely insane but it's just the way my brain works and try as I might I can't change it.

Extra time can be helpful as it does take us longer to do things as we have to complete extra checks due to more errors. We get distracted with other tasks. And we can struggle to structure things. But as others have said I work better when I have a lot to do as there's constant "urgency". When I have loads of time to do something I do nothing until the last minute.

People with ADHD also have no internal clock. One of the reasons they are often late but they also can't work out how long things will take them very easily or look ahead. We operate on things being either "now" or "later". Later things don't get our attention until they pop into the "now" category. They aren't on the radar while we are thinking about the now.

One thing that can help is providing lots of small deadlines to longer tasks. And ask for a check in at every deadline. And make sure they plenty to do and it's interesting and varied as much as possible.

I would also suggest that you arrange an Access to Work or OT assessment so they can suggest suitable aids and adjustments as neither you nor the employee seems to know what they need. You are getting frustrated at them because you've tried to make adjustments and they haven't worked but your employee doesn't necessarily know what they need to help them. Just because they have ADHD doesn't mean they are experts in knowing what adjustments might be helpful.

I'm sorry but that's rubbish. I am definitely disabled by my ADHD. It has a huge impact on my life and I know many many others with ADHD feel the same. I am happy for you that your condition doesn't make you feel disabled but please don't assume your experience is the same as everyone else and attempt to minimise the impact of the condition.

ADHD is associated with significant negative health/life outcomes and you have a lower life expectancy as a result. You are much more likely to engage in crime, drug taking, drinking, be an addict, partake in risky behaviour, have a poor diet, not exercise routinely, have poor sleep etc etc etc. The condition also affects your ability to run your whole life. That's what poor executive function means in practice. If all of that is not disabling, I don't know what is.

Thanks for your comments everyone. I'm going to see if HR can help and get involved here as I'm not sure my approach has helped but I have no clue what more I can do so hopefully a professional in this area can help

I am ND and work a high pressure job. Ultimately this person needs to be owning their condition- you shouldn’t be guessing what accommodations should be made- as PP pointed out they may be counter intuitive. They need to be expressing what will help them and if they are unsure asking HR/Occ Health to provide them an assessment to help.

ND or not, I don’t think it’s acceptable to just not get work done and expect others to pick up the slack- they do actually need to be doing the job they are paid for, even if with accommodations/in a slightly different way.

Your colleague sounds like students I’ve dealt with in the past who tend to try to shift responsibility onto me: it’s my management of them which is at fault, and they can’t explain because “if you’re neurotypical you can’t understand .”

In my job I have to make allowances etc, but I also think that your colleague needs to be specific and explicit about what they think they need from you, and then HR need to determine whether that is reasonable, in terms of the business needs of your workplace.

You should not be doing extra work, or your colleague’s work.

I woke up thinking about this after reading it last night. If you’re in the UK you shouldn’t drive on an expired licence. You might not be driving so please don’t shoot the messenger but if you are the chances of you getting stopped are probably extremely slim but something could happen that’s not your fault could land you in trouble regarding your licence. Once you’ve applied online you can usually still drive while you’re waiting for the new licence.

I do understand what you are saying here but just to add anyone can use any health problem as an excuse. That is that persons problem. That is not the problem of ADHD or autism. I’m sure you didn’t mean to sound offensive but please recognise that it did.

I think, with the best will in the world, you have offered the wrong adaptation. Tighter, more regular deadlines would be more appropriate. Have you made an OH referral via HR?

Personally I can't micromanage people, it's just not appropriate past college/ first job imo.
What can be useful is a daily 15 minute stand-up with the whole team and a whiteboard. Workload goes on with deadline and is talked every day. It also has the benefit of community support and visible accountability.

HR should be supporting the conversation, not having it. HR don’t intuitively know what an individual needs either.

If you’re paid to manage people, manage the people.

(HR Director with ADHD)

This is a good option.

@Summerfun54321 asked : "Have you had any training in managing someone with ADHD?"

What is such training please? None of my friends who are Managers have been offered training on how to manage someone with ADHD.

They're not up to the job, ADHD or not.
YANBU.

They might not have been given the right adjustments to establish that yet.

This is likely to be considered a disability under the Equality Act. There is a legal requirement to explore reasonable adjustments and the OP hasn’t fully done that yet.