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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell a child / toddler to go away

105 replies

Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 20:34

I take DS to a baby / toddler class on the weekend he’s one of the youngest in the class but a very adept crawler and quite confident

the class if full of lots of 3 and 4 year olds and one little girl is quite aggressive

admittedly DS does barge in as a 10 month old doesn’t really know excuse me yet but I do hold on to him let all the children get the toys that are put down before he shoots off

last week little fluffy toy whips (not the accurate term) where put down I let DS choose his, he wanted one in both hands and took him away just so no children would trip over him the little girl approached him and decided to try and hit him over the head aggressively not smiling or playing was I wrong to tell her to go away?

on other occasions DS was crawling on a blanket and ruffled it up she decided she wanted to straighten it while he was moving causing him to lose his balance (luckily I was there to catch him)

I feel a bit silly having such an issue with a child but her mum does nothing whenever my DS is around babies I keep a very close eye

OP posts:
fitzwilliamdarcy · 10/02/2023 20:41

I mean, she’s 3 or 4. You’re talking like she’s trying to whack him with an axe or push him off a building. By all means have a word with mum but telling her to go away is a bit extreme, no? In a couple of years your baby will be the toddler that all the mums are terrified of.

Jojobees · 10/02/2023 20:45

Save this post Op, and when a pfb’s mum tells your 3 year old to go away, you’ll be upset and realise you absolutely were being unreasonable 2 years previously.

user2391 · 10/02/2023 20:46

I mean telling her to go away was a bit rude, telling her not to hit your ds absolutely fine.
The blanket thing, she may well have thought she was helping, I doubt she would have linked straightening the blanket with your ds falling.

Maybe there is other stuff you haven't mentioned but these two incidents seem pretty normal for 3 year olds to me. Perhaps it would be better to find a group where there is not such a large age range?

Hydie · 10/02/2023 20:47

The more experience you get the more you'll realise that kids will be kids. Be prepared when your child throws a toy or pulls someone's blanket, don't be offended when their parents tell him to go away.

Walterwhiteswifey · 10/02/2023 20:50

Maybe just say to her "gently please" or "be careful he's only small" something like that. This way you're teaching her while also pointing out its not kind what she's doing. The mother wont like it if she hears you saying go away to her child...

WaltzingWaters · 10/02/2023 20:51

tell the child not to hit, but don’t say to go away. Next she’ll be telling other kids to go away and they’ll/your ds will be upset.
But absolutely stop the hitting and protect your ds.

Suzi888 · 10/02/2023 20:51

Walterwhiteswifey · 10/02/2023 20:50

Maybe just say to her "gently please" or "be careful he's only small" something like that. This way you're teaching her while also pointing out its not kind what she's doing. The mother wont like it if she hears you saying go away to her child...

^ this

Would stop my child hitting if I was there…

SpecialDeliveryServiceIsNeverOnTime · 10/02/2023 20:53

Sounds like a toddler group, not a baby group, and tbh a crawling 10 month old amongst 3 and 4 year olds who want and need to run about boisterously sounds irritating all round (lovely as I’m sure your son is)

SnowyPetals · 10/02/2023 20:54

It's fine to tell another child not to do something (eg "don't hit DS, that's not very nice"). But telling them to go away is a bit much. It sounds like your DS is a bit young for this group really.

MissWings · 10/02/2023 20:57

Yes that’s pathetic to be honest. I would have just removed my baby and not told the toddler to go away. It’s your problem really as he’s still only 10 months old. I only took mine to the more baby centred groups at that age to avoid mine getting trampled on.

turnthebiglightoff · 10/02/2023 20:59

A bit more freedom at 3 or 4 is normal. Mine is nearly 4 and after the years of watching like a hawk, no, I don't follow him everywhere he goes at classes and softplay etc. it's your responsibility with a tiny one to keep them out of any harms way. Go away is harsh - "gently", or just move DS away, is the right thing to do here.

Keyansier · 10/02/2023 20:59

The blanket thing, she may well have thought she was helping, I doubt she would have linked straightening the blanket with your ds falling.

To be fair, that's something I would have been aware of from myself as a 3/4 year old and something I would have purposely done at that age lol Blush.

thecatsarecrazy · 10/02/2023 21:01

Aren't their mum and baby groups you can go to? Toddlers are a bit rough and tumble compared crawling babies

Dogcafedreamer · 10/02/2023 21:04

Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 20:34

I take DS to a baby / toddler class on the weekend he’s one of the youngest in the class but a very adept crawler and quite confident

the class if full of lots of 3 and 4 year olds and one little girl is quite aggressive

admittedly DS does barge in as a 10 month old doesn’t really know excuse me yet but I do hold on to him let all the children get the toys that are put down before he shoots off

last week little fluffy toy whips (not the accurate term) where put down I let DS choose his, he wanted one in both hands and took him away just so no children would trip over him the little girl approached him and decided to try and hit him over the head aggressively not smiling or playing was I wrong to tell her to go away?

on other occasions DS was crawling on a blanket and ruffled it up she decided she wanted to straighten it while he was moving causing him to lose his balance (luckily I was there to catch him)

I feel a bit silly having such an issue with a child but her mum does nothing whenever my DS is around babies I keep a very close eye

A 3 year old is aggressive? Fecking hell, call in social services!

You are so unreasonable it's hilarious!

SherbetDips · 10/02/2023 21:05

It’s not very nice to tell a toddler to go away, you’re a grownup. Next time be kind and encourage kind hands, show her how to be kind to your baby. She’s learning too.

Swiftswatch · 10/02/2023 21:07

“Go away” isn’t really a productive way to speak to a 3 year old.

I agree it’s a bit pfb. No doubt in 2 years time you will realise 3 year olds are still so young.

VivaVivaa · 10/02/2023 21:14

I know a 3 year old practically seems like a grown adult comparing to your baby. But she’s tiny and still learning herself. Her parent/carer should be with her yes, but if they aren’t, telling her to ‘go away’ isn’t very helpful. There are much better ways to handle the situation. And to be honest, from a personal perspective I find crawling babies at toddler groups far more of a hazard and an annoyance than 3 year olds behaving like, well, 3 year olds.

2023pending · 10/02/2023 21:14

Are there no classes or groups for abit younger? I know the one DD goes to is like feeding time at the zoo and it does seem your little ones abit young for the bull in a china shop style that toddlers know all so well

GADDay · 10/02/2023 21:17

SpecialDeliveryServiceIsNeverOnTime · 10/02/2023 20:53

Sounds like a toddler group, not a baby group, and tbh a crawling 10 month old amongst 3 and 4 year olds who want and need to run about boisterously sounds irritating all round (lovely as I’m sure your son is)

This

Dogcafedreamer · 10/02/2023 21:17

Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 20:34

I take DS to a baby / toddler class on the weekend he’s one of the youngest in the class but a very adept crawler and quite confident

the class if full of lots of 3 and 4 year olds and one little girl is quite aggressive

admittedly DS does barge in as a 10 month old doesn’t really know excuse me yet but I do hold on to him let all the children get the toys that are put down before he shoots off

last week little fluffy toy whips (not the accurate term) where put down I let DS choose his, he wanted one in both hands and took him away just so no children would trip over him the little girl approached him and decided to try and hit him over the head aggressively not smiling or playing was I wrong to tell her to go away?

on other occasions DS was crawling on a blanket and ruffled it up she decided she wanted to straighten it while he was moving causing him to lose his balance (luckily I was there to catch him)

I feel a bit silly having such an issue with a child but her mum does nothing whenever my DS is around babies I keep a very close eye

I think your 10 month old "barger" will be an "aggressive" 3 year old 😂

Getir · 10/02/2023 21:20

Oh dear.

BrutusMcDogface · 10/02/2023 21:22

Oh please! Three year olds are still little. It’s horrible to tell her to go away. Shame on you.

tweedledee12 · 10/02/2023 21:24

Totally feel for you OP.
I've taken my DS to baby / toddler groups too - he's 15 months and he's one of the younger ones.

Our group is full of child minders not minding the children so they do what they like. I keep a very close eye and have told kids off quite a few times - one recently tried to pull him from a cosy coupe so I told them off.

I know people will say it's just kids but I can't sit and allow my son to be pushed about and get upset. I know when he's at proper nursery or school I won't be there, but he's younger than a lot of the other kids, and is such a gentle boy in comparison. He may turn into a tough but but again, I wouldn't allow him to push other children around and sit and watch.

I think the CM in our group take their minded kids there so they can put their feet up and chat rather than keep an eye. Occasionally you'll see them quickly take a token photo for the parents benefit but aside from that, they're left to it.

Getir · 10/02/2023 21:26

Your sweet 15 month old will soon be a 3 year old.

NerrSnerr · 10/02/2023 21:26

When you have a baby it seems that 3 year old's are massive. When they're three you realise just how little they still are.

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