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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell a child / toddler to go away

105 replies

Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 20:34

I take DS to a baby / toddler class on the weekend he’s one of the youngest in the class but a very adept crawler and quite confident

the class if full of lots of 3 and 4 year olds and one little girl is quite aggressive

admittedly DS does barge in as a 10 month old doesn’t really know excuse me yet but I do hold on to him let all the children get the toys that are put down before he shoots off

last week little fluffy toy whips (not the accurate term) where put down I let DS choose his, he wanted one in both hands and took him away just so no children would trip over him the little girl approached him and decided to try and hit him over the head aggressively not smiling or playing was I wrong to tell her to go away?

on other occasions DS was crawling on a blanket and ruffled it up she decided she wanted to straighten it while he was moving causing him to lose his balance (luckily I was there to catch him)

I feel a bit silly having such an issue with a child but her mum does nothing whenever my DS is around babies I keep a very close eye

OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 10/02/2023 21:29

From one PFB parent to another: YABU. She is 3, you are not 3. "Go away" is not appropriate or mature. A "careful" or "gentle please" would be sufficient.

But a 10 month old in a group of 3-4 year olds - what are you expecting?

Original poster
Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 21:29

I do feel a bit bad and probably won’t return until DS is older unfortunately it’s a mixed class and the only one we can attend as it’s on the weekend and I work full time.

this isn’t the only thing as she often snatches toys out of DS hands but maybe I’ve been a bit overprotective DS really enjoys the class and is very confident gets up to dance and clap when music is playing.

However id like to think he wouldn’t be aggressive with other children even when he is three or I’d at least intervene

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 21:31

I just want to add he’s not the only baby he’s just very confident a lot of the other babies don’t crawl around and even some of the walking 1 year olds stay to the back

OP posts:
Whendovescry03 · 10/02/2023 21:32

I'd have done the same and I've told many kids to go away (in fact I consider that fairly polite). But I don't generally like children aside from my DS.

Dogcafedreamer · 10/02/2023 21:33

Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 21:29

I do feel a bit bad and probably won’t return until DS is older unfortunately it’s a mixed class and the only one we can attend as it’s on the weekend and I work full time.

this isn’t the only thing as she often snatches toys out of DS hands but maybe I’ve been a bit overprotective DS really enjoys the class and is very confident gets up to dance and clap when music is playing.

However id like to think he wouldn’t be aggressive with other children even when he is three or I’d at least intervene

Your DS barging sounds like he will be that three year old!

Good luck 😂

Imagine if he "barges" a six month old and gets told off?

Dogcafedreamer · 10/02/2023 21:34

Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 21:31

I just want to add he’s not the only baby he’s just very confident a lot of the other babies don’t crawl around and even some of the walking 1 year olds stay to the back

Oh we've all known those "confident" children.....

tweedledee12 · 10/02/2023 21:35

Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 21:31

I just want to add he’s not the only baby he’s just very confident a lot of the other babies don’t crawl around and even some of the walking 1 year olds stay to the back

The issue is - other people not keeping an eye on their kids at these groups - that's the problem in my experience, the kids aren't corrected and it continues. One of the other mums also commented when she heard me tell one off and felt that it was the CM kids.

If my DS was told off by somebody else, he would be mortified, as would I.

Carry on going - it's good for your DS but carry on as you are - there's only one group on locally to me as I too work full time.

BaroldNedmunds · 10/02/2023 21:35

Yeah, I think you could have probably handled it a bit better op. Explaining the situation to her rather than telling her to go away would be far more positive. Having beef with a toddler is not the best look 🤣
But I’m not really having a go, we all react to protect our kids. Just take this as an experience and next time do it differently.

Dacadactyl · 10/02/2023 21:35

I'd tell her "no, don't hit him" the first time.

And if she did it a second time a "go away" is 100% fine.

You are his advocate and if her mum is doing sod all about it, you should step in and tell her off yourself.

tweedledee12 · 10/02/2023 21:36

Whendovescry03 · 10/02/2023 21:32

I'd have done the same and I've told many kids to go away (in fact I consider that fairly polite). But I don't generally like children aside from my DS.

This is me...

Original poster
Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 21:37

@Dogcafedreamer if he barged in to a 6 month old I’d understand the mum not being happy and be very apologetic but it wouldn’t happen as I follow him every step like I said I hold him back to let the children get toy’s because I know he barges in

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 21:38

@Whendovescry03 I’m glad I’m not the only one I didn’t even say it harshly or aggressively it was just go away as I caught the toy before it landed on his head

OP posts:
Dogcafedreamer · 10/02/2023 21:44

Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 21:37

@Dogcafedreamer if he barged in to a 6 month old I’d understand the mum not being happy and be very apologetic but it wouldn’t happen as I follow him every step like I said I hold him back to let the children get toy’s because I know he barges in

You'll be doing that when he is 3? When he is alone at school? 🤔

Thepossibility · 10/02/2023 21:45

When I've been in this situation I would just take my child to another toy. It's not my house so I can't tell someone to go away.
Say loudly “where is your Mummy?!".

Dacadactyl · 10/02/2023 21:45

@Dogcafedreamer she won't have to because she's bringing him up right.

Crostimosti · 10/02/2023 21:47

I used to smile at the child and say, gentle please or just be careful he's only little! Doesn't need a lot more than that in my experience. If I sensed something worse would happen I'd just scoop my little one away.

I don't really like kids apart from my own either but try to find a reasonable way to communicate. I know yours is very young still but I'm also conscious of my son seeing how I react in situations.

Notplayingball · 10/02/2023 21:53

Mismatched ages. Try a different group."Let's be kind" approach would have been better with the girl at that age.

Problemorno · 10/02/2023 21:54

Absolutely ask the child to not hit/explain how he's little etc but telling her to go away? Not okay. I very much doubt she deliberately straightened the blanket with the intention of tripping your son up. She doesn't sound aggressive at all, more like a normal toddler who hasn't yet learned boundaries.

Jazzy21 · 10/02/2023 21:56

The mum of the 3 year old “not being happy if she hears you telling her child to go away” is not a reason to not do it. The mum should be watching her child.
I have told a particularly vile child to go away at soft play when he was aggressive to DS. I didn’t want him near my child.

I would be mortified if my child was trying to hurt a younger child, especially if it was becoming a regular thing.

Problemorno · 10/02/2023 21:56

Although I am wondering where the child's mum was?

Dogcafedreamer · 10/02/2023 21:57

Dacadactyl · 10/02/2023 21:45

@Dogcafedreamer she won't have to because she's bringing him up right.

GrinGrinGrin

Swiftswatch · 10/02/2023 21:58

Whendovescry03 · 10/02/2023 21:32

I'd have done the same and I've told many kids to go away (in fact I consider that fairly polite). But I don't generally like children aside from my DS.

What is polite about telling a toddler to “go away”?
Its not appropriate to say that to an adult never mind a young child.

Original poster
Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 22:02

@Crostimosti thank you I hadn’t really thought of it from that perspective I’m always quite active in correcting my baby if he pulls my hair or hits so he knows it’s not okay but also learns to tell someone else to stop if it happens to him (when he can talk)

in that situation I wouldn’t of wanted him to say go away but still advocate for himself and say don’t hit me or something along those lines I will go back and keep what you’ve said in mind she seems to make a beeline for him so I think it’ll help me be more patient and respond the best way

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatisgoingona · 10/02/2023 22:05

@Problemorno its a little village hall will chairs all around the perimeter she was sitting chatting with her tea

OP posts:
Swiftswatch · 10/02/2023 22:06

@Whatisgoingona thank you I hadn’t really thought of it from that perspective I’m always quite active in correcting my baby if he pulls my hair or hits so he knows it’s not okay but also learns to tell someone else to stop if it happens to him (when he can talk)

In the gentlest possible way, your 10 month old does not know these things are ‘not okay’.
It sounds like your pushy, ‘very confident’ baby who barges in will become exactly like this 3 year old you have so much distain for.