To tell a child / toddler to go away

[Whatisgoingona]

I take DS to a baby / toddler class on the weekend he’s one of the youngest in the class but a very adept crawler and quite confident

the class if full of lots of 3 and 4 year olds and one little girl is quite aggressive

admittedly DS does barge in as a 10 month old doesn’t really know excuse me yet but I do hold on to him let all the children get the toys that are put down before he shoots off

last week little fluffy toy whips (not the accurate term) where put down I let DS choose his, he wanted one in both hands and took him away just so no children would trip over him the little girl approached him and decided to try and hit him over the head aggressively not smiling or playing was I wrong to tell her to go away?

on other occasions DS was crawling on a blanket and ruffled it up she decided she wanted to straighten it while he was moving causing him to lose his balance (luckily I was there to catch him)

I feel a bit silly having such an issue with a child but her mum does nothing whenever my DS is around babies I keep a very close eye

It's not clear from your post, did you actually use the words "go away"? Extremely unreasonable if so, you wouldn't talk to an adult like that and you absolutely cannot say that to a three year old! I would be peeved if I were the mum, I have put effort into teaching my three year old never to say go away to people, and instead say something polite. I would not appreciate you modelling this sentence to him. It's also total overkill, you want her to be mindful of your baby, not leave altogether. What you should say is - oh (baby's name) is only a baby, please be careful. Or: please don't (specific thing she is doing) as he could fall, and then he'll hurt himself and be upset.

I know that girl seems like hulk next to your precious little infant, but when your own kid is that age you'll realise that 3 is tiny still. And anyway, there is no excuse as a full on adult to be mean to a child.

I mean 3/4 is absolutely tiny, and also too little to really understand much.

Unless you mistyped and meant 13, calling them aggressive is a bit much.

I put YANBU because there’s nothing wrong with telling them nicely to go and play somewhere else but if you actually said “go away” or were abrupt with a 3 yo YABU

I honestly don't know if you're trolling.

She's three. You're an adult. Your child will survive a light knock to the head with a fluffy whip (?!?).

LOL. Oh, Mumsnet.

She’s 3-a child! As yours will be very soon. Get a bit of perspective

@DarkShade If I’m completely honest I didn’t use the words “go away” but went with it as that’s what everyone picked up on but it’s close enough I said no and frowned to look very angry

but either way in future will say please don’t hit or where’s your mummy

YABU. She’s 3/4, she’s still learning. Telling her to “go away” is awful and you should feel guilty and ashamed.

It takes a village to raise a child. What do you think she’s going to learn from “go away”? Nothing. She’s going to think you’re horrible and not that she’s done wrong.

Instead, you should have responded with something relevant like “oh it’s not very kind to hit” or “wands are for playing with” etc.

You hit the nail on the head. Assuming your DS is in the baby room these are young toddlers - 14, 15 maybe 16 months tops. They tend to be lovely, inquisitive and adorable at that age. I definitely thought my DS was a saintly toddler at that age - he never snatched or grabbed and seemed to share beautifully! Believe me, if I’m not on him like a hawk now at age 3 he can give as good as he gets and then some.

You are being totally ridiculous. I don’t know a single toddler who doesn’t sometimes push, snatch toys, hit, some bite. Your son will be just the same I promise you and then you’ll be extremely upset if some strange adult is rude / harsh to your son for just being a normal toddler at a play group.

I think nearly everyone's forgetting how huge three year olds seem when your first baby is only ten months old. OP is taking people's suggestions on bord and doesn't deserve being mocked or getting a kicking for her use of 'confident'.

@saraclara No, mine's only 2. I remember.

With the best will in the world I don’t think a toddler group is the best place for a 10 month old. Toddlers are learning but can be running around, boisterous, not understanding the world around them. I would absolutely correct my toddler but likewise I don’t think I’d take a younger baby to the type of group you describe.

To be fair to you, I think saying no and frowning is much better than saying go away, but yes, you'll be ready next time to say something more kid appropriate. I have a friend who cheerfully says "no, thank you" whenever a kid does something to her kid, its so effective that by the way they react you'd think she'd told them to fuck off!

Op your DC will be exactly the same, it’s complicated normal. Mine is lovely, confident, shares toys and tries to play nicely but she’s a toddler, she has tantrums, sometimes snatches toys and occasionally hits out at other kids because she is learning. I remember when she was younger thinking the same as you but I was wrong.

@DarkShade i love that! Will definitely be taking that idea!

Tweedledee12 Ignore what the poster wanted an answer to and stick the boot into childminders. You’re a star turn 🙄

Thanks for all the replies will be muting now but as many of you have told me I will think of you and this thread in 2 years

You certainly will! Please do pop by and update, with your barging child!

If my much younger child was being repeatedly hurt by a 3 year old then I'd be telling them to go away as well. If it was my child doing the hitting then I'd have no issue whatsoever with another parent telling them to go away, in order to protect their baby. Is it only the baby she tries to hit, does she hit any of the older ones?

I know, F Off usually suffices 😂

Not worthy of a thread

And that's the reason why my experience with these groups was short lived years ago...I was the only mum playing with the toys on the floor with DS and the other kids, whilst all the other mums were sitting chatting to each other "drinking tea". No one was supervising. I was watching DS like a hawk as he was very active, never stopped which meant I never did get the chance to drink tea😂

He is almost 16yo now so it's interesting to see things haven't changed in all these years. I never took my other DC to any of those groups.

I wish this was all I had to worry about 😂

@Notplayingball I know. Fuming as I defo expected more grit when I opened it. Turns out she didn't even say go away 😂😂😂

He’s not being “hurt” by her though? Sounds like she hasn’t even touched him, beyond snatching a toy, which is a large part of the life of all toddlers/ babies.

These are threads of like light relief for those of us who are much further along in our parenting journeys going through very stressful stuff at the moment. Brings back loads of memories to those days I honestly thought I was going through the trenches...if only!🤣