To tell a child / toddler to go away

[Whatisgoingona]

I take DS to a baby / toddler class on the weekend he’s one of the youngest in the class but a very adept crawler and quite confident

the class if full of lots of 3 and 4 year olds and one little girl is quite aggressive

admittedly DS does barge in as a 10 month old doesn’t really know excuse me yet but I do hold on to him let all the children get the toys that are put down before he shoots off

last week little fluffy toy whips (not the accurate term) where put down I let DS choose his, he wanted one in both hands and took him away just so no children would trip over him the little girl approached him and decided to try and hit him over the head aggressively not smiling or playing was I wrong to tell her to go away?

on other occasions DS was crawling on a blanket and ruffled it up she decided she wanted to straighten it while he was moving causing him to lose his balance (luckily I was there to catch him)

I feel a bit silly having such an issue with a child but her mum does nothing whenever my DS is around babies I keep a very close eye

I agree with PP. My DD when 10 months was a delight. It was all downhill from 18 months until she turned 3. How they are at 10 months isn't how they will be in their delightful toddler years I'm afraid.

I wouldn't have said go away. Toddlers are all impulse. Better to direct and teach.

@Whatisgoingona I found it tricky navigating other children as I hadn't really been around them before I had mine! I think the mix of ages in your group sounds quite tough and it's totally understandable you just react in the moment to protect your baby.

However, other parents should watch their kids at any class, esp in mixed ages. Mine is 2 now and ran over to some babies on the floor in the library today - he's big for his age and the looks on the mums faces was a definite 'oh god.' Luckily I was right there with him and took him away before anyone got trampled but he wouldn't have known enough to be entirely safe and its not the other mums jobs to keep him away.

You’re massively overestimating the understanding and thought processes of both kids here. Your 10 month old does not know it’s “not ok” and the 3-4 year old is not intending to trip your child up by playing with the blanket. They’re both very young and learning. Your baby isn’t even 1 yet and you’re making a very big deal out of this.

Go take your baby to a group that is only for that age group if you’re sooo worried. It does make me laugh when mums are like this, I actually don’t like it when people use this line but OHHHH JUST YOU WAIT.

Yours won’t stay a precious baby forever.

@Swiftswatch I understand you saying in the gentlest way possible but at no point have I said my baby is pushy.

He doesn’t snatch toys from other children or even bother with other children. In fact other children hand him toys and he hands them back (I wouldn’t call it sharing because he’s too young but he’s more than friendly) being excited and keen when toys are put down isn’t abnormal all the children run forward and lots trip over each other in the process. and me describing him as confident because he likes when the music is playing and wants to clap and bounce on his knees and doesn’t mind when I’m not next to him doesn’t make him aggressive confident and pushy are not the same thing.

he’s in full time nursery he’s around babies all day up to two years old and the children get along fine without any incidents

Please don't tell a child to go away, my son is 8 and when people tell him to go away it really hurts his little heart. You're child is your world but that 3 year old little girl is her mummy's world. Instead of being cruel to a toddler just keep your son away. Keep your eye on older children and put him on your lap if your worried someone's getting to close.

Also @Whatisgoingona don't take much notice of those being a bit sneery to you. Its hard learning all these things for the first time and you've come onto a parenting site to ask a question.
I'm a very different mum to a 2 year old than I was to a 10 month old. Your baby is lucky to have a mum who looks out for him and questions herself about how she could react/do better.

"No sweetie we don't hit, where's your mum? Go show her your toy" or something ad nauseum. Go away is kind of rude and honestly, you're an adult your communication skills should be better than this. It sounds like something the 3 year old would be saying. Also nothing in this post says the toddler was being aggressive, just a normal toddler. Oh man, you're in for a wake up call in a few months lmfao.. pfb?

OP, at some point your baby is going to be pushy and snatchy, pull hair, not share, not be friendly - that’s all normal for a growing young child. You’re coming across as though you think you’ve given birth to a socially advanced baby who understands boundaries, behaves nicely, and has a keen sense of diplomacy, unlike this hooligan 3/4 year old that deliberately tries to hurt him.

This is all normal behaviour for young kids. Correct it, but in a useful way - telling a kid to go away is just weird and rude.

A 3 year old isn't aggressive, and when your baby is that age it would break your heart to see an adult that should have better coping skills to tell them to 'go away'.

By all means gently remove an item from their hand if they are using something to hit with, move your baby away, approach the parent and ask them to keep an eye on their kid. But just telling them to go away is mean.

I’m a bit surprised at how many people are saying how terrible the OP is to tell the 4 yr old to go away. Of course you can tell her to go away. Why would you sit there passively while a child-good intentions or not-is making your baby fall over etc? I’d personally talk to her mum and ask her to keep her child away. It doesn’t sound like the OP is being aggressive or horrible, just looking out for her own child.

It might be normal for a 3 year old to act like this, but it is NOT NORMAL for the child's mum to stay sat on her arse doing nothing to correct her child.

If she doesn't like her kid being told to "go away" she needs to keep a better eye on her.

This, try to use more positive language/instructions with such a young child. Say 'go away' and you are teaching her that it's ok for her to say that too (which it isn't).

Honestly at 3 years old they are the same thing. Being ‘very confident’ and barging in/ pushing in is coming across as endearing to you because it’s your baby. Snatching a toy in each have appears cute to you.
When it’s a child who appears to much older you see it as aggressive, but the reality is 3 is far from being grown up.
When it’s another child doing it then it’s less cute, less endearing but your child will be exactly the same at 3 years old because she isn’t some evil psychopath, she’s just a normal 3 year old.

@Cherrysoup Not one person on this thread has said “you mustn’t tell a child to go away and must instead sit passively and allow it to happen”. People have suggested better ways of dealing with the issue that don’t involve being mean to a kid not even at school yet.

In my experience it’s actually very common in older toddler groups aimed at 3 & 4 year olds to have much more freedom. Parents are sat nearby, maybe with a tea. They are watching but they won’t be helicoptering around every second like it’s expected with younger children, particularly non walkers.
Many of these children will be in school in a year.

@Swiftswatch yes and that's fair enough to an extent, but it doesn't give the parent an excuse to take their eyes off their kids. After all, everyone on here is saying "the 3 year old is behaving normally for her age". Well if a 3 year old might wallop someone (younger OR the same age as them), the parent needs to correct them.

The first time it happened I'd have said something like "ooh that's not very nice is it?"
The second time I'd have told the kid to go away too. Kids can be mean just to see what happens. The girl will learn that if she's mean/rude, she will get told to go away.

You’re taking a lot out of context

picking up a toy in each hand … once I’ve waited for other children to get a toy and taking it from a toy box is hardly snatching… vs me pointing out this girl has taken a toy out of his hands

and they’re not the same thing as both are not 3 years one is 3 maybe 4 and the other is 10 months

I’ve not made out my baby is perfect but I have acknowledged that I know his behavior and have ensured it doesn’t effect any other children

I haven’t called this girl evil or a psychopath at any point at no point have I tried to demonize her I’ve stated facts and questioned how I reacted to learn how to deal with it again as it’s a reoccurring incident

Parents groups are for parents too, a local group is run by community mothers and organisation that trys to target mothers at risk due to socio economic group or living in a known "rough" area, there is parenting classes, nutrition info etc and the parents of older children are encouraged to socialise.

Op you were rude, how would you like an adult to speak to your child when he is 3?
Model that instead. Use positive language.."oh can you show me how to be so gentle? He likes when you are so kind"

he’s in full time nursery he’s around babies all day up to two years old and the children get along fine without any incidents

LOL, let me assure you, those babies and nearly-toddlers spend all day every day pushing, snatching, hitting and generally carrying on with each other. Non-stop incidents.

Especially the 2 year olds they’re lethal 😂 DD was always scrapping!

It’s a 3 year old ‘straightening a blanket’ 😂 please get some perspective

You don’t need to tell me I sat in my child’s nursery for 2 weeks for an hour each day watching.

In the time I spent there myself and baby were offered toy after toy, stick after stick anything we could hold by lots of toddlers did they trip over each other sometimes of course or try and steady themselves by grabbing another baby sure

those were younger toddlers and none of them came up trying to hit

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 OP you are going to get a nasty shock when your son turns three. Please do save this thread.

and you don’t say- a three year old who snatched toys 😱😱🤣

If you actually told the three year old to “go away” you were being vvvvvvvv unreasonable.