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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not cooking my teenager dinner

520 replies

Ohdesr · 08/02/2023 21:57

So I am really trying to use everything we have in the house before shopping for more.
today i made homemade tomato soup and garlic bread. My teen complained its not filling enough so they dont want that.
Cue her complaining for the next hour that she is starved, i gave her a list of things she could eat, tuna pasta, tuna mayo jacket potato, omelette, pesto pasta, even cereal.

She has now gone off in a strop because i wont go to the shop to buy her something saucy (?!) she hasnt eaten because nothing sounds nice. And now she’s gotten her dad involved saying i am starving her. Ahhhh

OP posts:
CrazyCorgi · 09/02/2023 09:22

You’ve offered her loads of filling options, she just doesn’t want them. My daughter does this all the time, even when there’s loads in. Luckily she drives so I tell her to either eat what’s in or spend money on her petrol and buying her own food because I’m not buying her a takeaway. Probably 8/10 she eats what we’ve got in as she knows she’s got a good thing going on here 😆

PSNonsense · 09/02/2023 09:37

I just don’t think it’s indulgent to feed your grumpy teen a proper dinner. It’s just parenting.

Tuna mayo jacket potato
Tuna pasta
Pesto pasta
Omelette
Homemade tomato, lentil, cream soup with cheesy garlic bread

All proper dinners! She (the teenager) could've made them all and filled her boots. Grumpy teens or not, constant pandering to wants over needs isn't ideal parenting.

Wanderingowl · 09/02/2023 09:41

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 09/02/2023 08:46

Plenty enough for a main meal with garlic bread. If she was still hungry she could have made something else

Show quote history

Soup and bread is inadequate as a main meal, the bread having a bit of garlic in it doesn't change that. It's hard to know without knowing how much lentils were in the soup, but it's very unlikely to have had anywhere near enough protein for anyone, least of all a teenager. But not only that, it's our responsibility as parents not only to provide adequate food for our children's needs but to model good eating. We don't have to be puritanical about it but telling a teenager, especially a girl, that tomato soup and bread is an adequate main meal, is a pretty good way to fuck up their relationship with food.

At 16 it's fine to tell her that you made tomato soup and garlic bread as that's all you are in the mood for today. And give her the ingredients and responsibility to make something to supplement it, like a substantial chicken salad. Or the ingredients to make herself a different dinner. But to provide her with a light meal and to tell her that's adequate as a main meal, is gaslighting.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 09/02/2023 09:44

Wanderingowl · 09/02/2023 09:41

Soup and bread is inadequate as a main meal, the bread having a bit of garlic in it doesn't change that. It's hard to know without knowing how much lentils were in the soup, but it's very unlikely to have had anywhere near enough protein for anyone, least of all a teenager. But not only that, it's our responsibility as parents not only to provide adequate food for our children's needs but to model good eating. We don't have to be puritanical about it but telling a teenager, especially a girl, that tomato soup and bread is an adequate main meal, is a pretty good way to fuck up their relationship with food.

At 16 it's fine to tell her that you made tomato soup and garlic bread as that's all you are in the mood for today. And give her the ingredients and responsibility to make something to supplement it, like a substantial chicken salad. Or the ingredients to make herself a different dinner. But to provide her with a light meal and to tell her that's adequate as a main meal, is gaslighting.

Show quote history

It isn't inadequate at all. For you maybe it is, but, for me and my family it is fine. And for a lot of other posters too it seems.

So off you trot with your gaslighting bollocks.

Original poster
Ohdesr · 09/02/2023 09:44

😭 i don’t know how people have taken this and turned it into messing up her relationship with food.

She eats fine, she loves tomato soup normally. She had options other than that but she would need to cook them herself. If the issue was she was hungry AFTER dinner and i refused her food i would understand. She just didn't want to eat that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohdesr · 09/02/2023 09:44

Gaslighting 😂. People are actually ridiculous on here.

OP posts:
Tirednest · 09/02/2023 09:45

Ohdesr · 09/02/2023 09:44

Gaslighting 😂. People are actually ridiculous on here.

Yeah they are. She was probably just having a teen strop and will be lovely later in the week.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 09/02/2023 09:46

Ohdesr · 09/02/2023 09:44

Gaslighting 😂. People are actually ridiculous on here.

There is nowhere quite like Mumsnet is there 😂🤣

budgiegirl · 09/02/2023 09:49

No sorry. Soup and bread is nowhere near enough for a main meal. If she had an actual dinner earlier in the day, soup and bread is fine for tea. But if that's the main meal, that's sub-par. I'm an absolutely tiny middle aged woman and even on a day that I was very sedentary, I'd be utterly ravenous if that was my main meal of the day. A teenager who is still growing needs way more than that

And that's fine. The teenager has been offered plenty of alternatives/additions to the soup/bread. But doesn't want them.

At 16 it's fine to tell her that you made tomato soup and garlic bread as that's all you are in the mood for today. And give her the ingredients and responsibility to make something to supplement it, like a substantial chicken salad. Or the ingredients to make herself a different dinner. But to provide her with a light meal and to tell her that's adequate as a main meal, is gaslighting

Where on earth are you getting this nonsense from? She offered her dd soup/bread, and a range of alternatives. But her DD doesn't want any of them. No gaslighting as far as I can see. Just a stroppy teen.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/02/2023 09:54

jtaeapa · 08/02/2023 21:59

I suppose it depends how far the shop is and how much money you have.

If the shop is round the corner and you have money to buy her something of her choosing, then I suppose YABU (I would have fridged the soup and eaten it myself tomorrow).

However, if the shop is far enough to be a nuisance and you are short, then YANBU.

Why? She was offered plenty of other options!

budgiegirl · 09/02/2023 09:54

Do you know what? Sometimes - shock, horror! - I don't cook anything at all for my teens, if I'm going out for the evening. There's always bread/cheese/pasta/pesto/pulses/eggs/veggies etc in the house, and some frozen nuggets/pizza/chicken in the freezer. They are all perfectly capable of cooking their own meals once in a while.

Does that make me a bad parent. Bollocks does it.

Courgeon · 09/02/2023 09:56

The gaslighting post was utter shite op. As for telling a teenage girl that saying tomato soup and bread is an ok meal will "mess up their relationship with food" what absolute crap.

And the "strapping sons" that phrase in itself is a bit ick. I have a friend who's like this about her "precious boys" it just creates entitled self absorbed humans. I have to switch off when she starts to go on about her adoration for them and the "skanky girls" who they hang round with. It's all just a bit weird.

My DD 16 is very lazy and regularly complains of being hungry. I leave her to it after making multiple suggestions of what she could eat. Shes sometimes desperate enough to go and pick up a meal deal/nandos or will just munch her way through a bunch of grapes plus hummus and pitta. She eats a lot of crap, I did too. And at a healthy BMI/normal blood pressure /high level of fitness at the age of nearly 50 I'm here to tell the tale!

celticprincess · 09/02/2023 10:14

It’s not about her being starving and not offered sufficient food. It’s about her wanting her own way with what she fancies. She needs to understand that there’s food on offer, plenty of it, and if she doesn’t want it she sorts herself out. The tomato soup and garlic bread sounds fine. All these people who say it would fill their teen, this meal can be billed out if needed. They could have the soup and bread as a starter then the offered jacket potatoes or pasta afterwards. OP not being unreasonable.

Unless there’s additional needs at play here such as food aversion, autism, sensory processing etc then the meals on offer are fine. Some days I don’t feel like eating certain things but sometimes we have to as that’s what’s in the fridge, that’s what’s dated as needing to be eaten first etc.

I do have a good averse child and an autistic child and they both manage with what’s on offer - although I tend to offer what I know they’ll eat. Sometimes they moan about it. Sometimes they go and make something different - even the 10 year old can manage this.

Anotheanon · 09/02/2023 10:16

Wanderingowl · 09/02/2023 09:41

Soup and bread is inadequate as a main meal, the bread having a bit of garlic in it doesn't change that. It's hard to know without knowing how much lentils were in the soup, but it's very unlikely to have had anywhere near enough protein for anyone, least of all a teenager. But not only that, it's our responsibility as parents not only to provide adequate food for our children's needs but to model good eating. We don't have to be puritanical about it but telling a teenager, especially a girl, that tomato soup and bread is an adequate main meal, is a pretty good way to fuck up their relationship with food.

At 16 it's fine to tell her that you made tomato soup and garlic bread as that's all you are in the mood for today. And give her the ingredients and responsibility to make something to supplement it, like a substantial chicken salad. Or the ingredients to make herself a different dinner. But to provide her with a light meal and to tell her that's adequate as a main meal, is gaslighting.

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

PeachyIsThinking · 09/02/2023 10:17

YANBU

If it were only soup maybe but there’s quite a list of alternatives there, and my young adults (14-23) would have soup as long as they could eat half a loaf of bread with it.

With a range of jackets and pasta though it’s absolute fine.

It is also typical teen behaviour though, half the time they don’t even know what’s actually underlying it: shrug it off and accept it as what it is.

billy1966 · 09/02/2023 10:18

Glad to read you are not taking such ridiculous posts seriously.

We have actively chosen to reduce our meat consumption over the past few years.

So good nourishing soups, legumes, eggs and fish have increased in our diet.

Tinned mackerel on toast is another huge favourite here for a snack.

My boys go to the gym so are very conscious of eating well and my two daughters are serious tennis and hockey players so are also very diet focused.

It is very important to allow your digestive system time to rest IMO, so we avoid heavy meals at night.

This aids our sleeping.

My children often come home late in the evening from university or sports and soups are both filling and nourishing whilst not being too heavy on their digestion which would impact their sleep.

You gave her lots of good suggestions OP, time to step back and let her get on with it.

TheABC · 09/02/2023 10:23

You offered her four options besides delicious homemade tomato soup (can I visit your house, OP?).

You are not starving her. However, I would recommend bookmarking this thread to re-read and chuckle at, when she moves out to her own place.

ekk100 · 09/02/2023 10:30

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. However (slightly random question) is your teen old enough to be having periods? I only ask because I've realised over the years that in certain times of my cycle there are just foods I can't stomach. I can literally make myself a dinner I know I should like and just can't touch it. Might be something to watch out for?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/02/2023 10:31

You offered her plenty of options. She just sounds like she was having a normal teenage bratty attack and wanted a Maccy D's or a pizza... stand your ground.

SunshineLoving · 09/02/2023 10:33

I wouldn't usually have soup for dinner. Only if I wasn't very hungry and had had a big lunch.

I'm assuming that you usually do dinners like pasta, mash, etc so your DD isn't used to a lighter soup dinner. I would be disappointed too. I don't think soup is enough, even with bread, when you've had a long day and haven't had a big lunch.

Wishimaywishimight · 09/02/2023 10:36

Why did you even need to list out the foods she could have? Surely she can open a fridge / cupboard and use her eyes? Just say "you know where to look, help yourself." Oh and "stop moaning" wouldn't go astray!

Ponoka7 · 09/02/2023 10:37

I might at a push have offered her money to go to the shop herself. But no way would I be cooking or shopping for a 16 year old after work, because they didn't fancy what was immediately available. A meal is all about calories and nutrition, what was offered was well enough, especially considering other stuff was knocking about. Lentils are talked about on here as a bulker, but they are a super food. You should have put that you made french tomato soup and everyone would have swooned over it, instead of needing a cheese sandwich to dip in, because garlic bread and cheese wouldn't cut it 🙄

Forgooodnesssakenow · 09/02/2023 10:37

Ohdesr · 08/02/2023 22:08

Yeah it was tomato and lentil soup with garlic bread. She usually eats before and after dinner. I think it was pretty filling. She wouldnt know she didnt eat it?

Everytime I read tomato soup and garlic bread I wonder how I've never done that for dinner, it sounds even better than cheese on toast with tomato soup. Adding lentils even means it's got plenty of protein. You've given her more options than I'd offer my 5 yr old and I'm pretty chill with food. You've also given me a great idea for a quick dinner tomorrow.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/02/2023 10:37

Wanderingowl · 09/02/2023 09:41

Soup and bread is inadequate as a main meal, the bread having a bit of garlic in it doesn't change that. It's hard to know without knowing how much lentils were in the soup, but it's very unlikely to have had anywhere near enough protein for anyone, least of all a teenager. But not only that, it's our responsibility as parents not only to provide adequate food for our children's needs but to model good eating. We don't have to be puritanical about it but telling a teenager, especially a girl, that tomato soup and bread is an adequate main meal, is a pretty good way to fuck up their relationship with food.

At 16 it's fine to tell her that you made tomato soup and garlic bread as that's all you are in the mood for today. And give her the ingredients and responsibility to make something to supplement it, like a substantial chicken salad. Or the ingredients to make herself a different dinner. But to provide her with a light meal and to tell her that's adequate as a main meal, is gaslighting.

Show quote history

Suggest you go and get some basic cookery lessons if you are not actually trolling.

billy1966 · 09/02/2023 10:40

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/02/2023 10:31

You offered her plenty of options. She just sounds like she was having a normal teenage bratty attack and wanted a Maccy D's or a pizza... stand your ground.

Exactly.

This happens here sometimes and I tell them crack on.

Last summer it happened too often so I told them I was taking an extended break from cooking at all as I wasn't having food wasted by not being eaten.

After a while I was doing one or two dinners only when we were around.

I was away for 3 weeks and that was enough for them to be cured of delivered food for a while!🙄

More money than sense from their jobs!

I've learned to let them crack on.

I occasionally did mention the disconnect between excercising and then ordering crap to eat, but it fell on deaf ears for a bit.

We have cameras around the house and could see the litany of deliveries for them and their friends and the mountain of boxes near the recycling bin.

House was spotless when we returned, their father made sure of that🤨😁