Aibu? This is not helping children’s self esteem?

[HulaHoop2012]

My DD is P6 (N.Ireland) second to last year of primary school. She’s a bright kid scored in the high 80’s and 90’s for her Numeracy and Literacy in her last round of tests . She’s in a class of 34. Explaining so I don’t drip feed.

Every month the school gives out awards for Numeracy and Literacy, you get a trophy and pictures on the school comms app etc a big well done in assembly.
Its the top scoring children or seems to be the same children, not every month but they may have got the trophy at least once though each school year, almost on rotation.

My daughter and a lot of others have never got it. My daughter has now got to the point where she can’t see that’s she’s doing really well. She’s constantly trying to ‘get’ the trophy and thinking each month she’ll get it, even though I explain she has a big class and I’m sure the teacher knows how hard she works etc etc

The same with prize giving at the end of the year. Top two kids get the prizes. In high achieving classes its very difficult for any other children to get them.

Ive now got a child who doesn’t think she’s doing well at school or is judging her success on getting these awards . How do you manage this situation and these disappointments?

Do you/would you feel the same about sport?

what do you think the solution to this is?

If it's for the top scoring children, they're the ones who'll get it?

That’s a good question. With sport I think it’s obvious - you come first in the race, your team wins?

Maybe that’s the issue dd can’t understand or see how you get the award?

But if she isn't getting the highest scores she won't get the trophy? Or have I misunderstood?

@everlovelyjewel No idea, make it fair. Reward a kid that’s not technically brilliant but made a huge effort.
Not even my dd but have different children get the reward?

If it isn't clear why certain people are winning, is it an effort award rather than an attainment award?

If it was based on attainment then presumably she'd know that little Johnny came top in the spelling test so he wins.

Have you spoken to her teacher about it?

@dittoglass its supposed to be for all from what you get told at parents key stage meetings. It was questioned how the children were picked and it’s the class teacher. So imagine they wouldn’t really know who got it in previous years.

So is it the top scoring children or has she got the best marks and still not got the trophy?

Bugger trophies - so divisive and demoralizing.

@NuffSaidSam i questioned before lockdown and the teacher admitted that’s she just picks a good bit of work. I raised it with the head teacher who just said it was down to class teachers. So it doesn’t feel like a great deal
of thought is put into it.

Maybe I should just explain that to dd

@MichelleScarn It’s the top scoring kids who seem to get it. I’m told they get it on the basis of a good piece of written work or numeracy? But my understanding is that should be from any level but that’s not reflected.

All my daughter is seeing is the same children getting it or have had it in previous years.

It does sound quite poorly thought through.

I would speak to the teacher again, specifically about how it's making your DD feel. If she's a good teacher/it's a good school they won't want to be actively demoralising the children. It sounds like it needs a rethink.

I agree that explaining it to DD is a good way to go. Shift her focus onto something else, a spelling test/assessment. Something that will give her a concrete sense of achievement. And continue to praise all the effort she makes because that's ultimately the most important part.

I think it’s more the fact it’s the trophy, not sure any of the kids care about what they got it for.
They go back to the classroom and it gets dumped in the middle of you desk for everyone to admire or make you feel awful that you’ve not got it again 😕

@NuffSaidSam
Thanks, will talk to school again and see if I can get my point across.

Yes, trying to give her a sense of achievement in other areas and shift focus from the trophy

It's always nice when the thick as pig shit ableist bullies show themselves, I find.

^ Sorry OP. I've gone off on a tangent. Apologies if it upset you, I was just ranting and most likely going off from your original topic!

That's good. I wish you well with your life :) Maybe you'll do the same...or not.

My life is great thank you.

Your attitude to someone who was being encouraged at school absolutely sucks though.

If I was you op, I'd go back to the school, probably start with the class teacher, and see if you can get to the bottom of the criteria for awarding the trophy.

Your attitude towards him being encourage at school is still appalling.

But isn't the point that he was being encouraged at the exclusion of others? Others who were dealing with difficult life situations, like that poster, or those who put in a lot of effort and did well missing out.