Aibu? This is not helping children’s self esteem?

[HulaHoop2012]

My DD is P6 (N.Ireland) second to last year of primary school. She’s a bright kid scored in the high 80’s and 90’s for her Numeracy and Literacy in her last round of tests . She’s in a class of 34. Explaining so I don’t drip feed.

Every month the school gives out awards for Numeracy and Literacy, you get a trophy and pictures on the school comms app etc a big well done in assembly.
Its the top scoring children or seems to be the same children, not every month but they may have got the trophy at least once though each school year, almost on rotation.

My daughter and a lot of others have never got it. My daughter has now got to the point where she can’t see that’s she’s doing really well. She’s constantly trying to ‘get’ the trophy and thinking each month she’ll get it, even though I explain she has a big class and I’m sure the teacher knows how hard she works etc etc

The same with prize giving at the end of the year. Top two kids get the prizes. In high achieving classes its very difficult for any other children to get them.

Ive now got a child who doesn’t think she’s doing well at school or is judging her success on getting these awards . How do you manage this situation and these disappointments?

I think the answer is to stop children having an external locus of evaluation, as much as possible. Enter competitions not run by schools, do sports, learn to have internal motivation.

False praise is actually counterproductive, but obviously everyone needs thoughtful, specific encouragement.

As a P6 teacher in NI , one of our main jobs is to build up our pupil’s self esteem. In the eyes of the pupils with SEAG looming it’s so important that kids approach every task with a ‘can do’attitude . I would ask the teacher what she wants the outcome/purpose of the award to be and then explain that in the eyes of the children it’s having an opposite effect and turning them off- would it be better to be aimed at kids embodying school rules? Eg Being kind, showing respect and occasionally for academic work?

Our school had “pen licences” My DC has special needs and never was awarded one or allowed to use a pen despite great improvement and trying incredibly hard. It was heartbreaking. They made such a huge deal of it and I felt it was quite unkind and thoughtless. The teachers could have easily awarded the “licence” to those that hadn’t got one, toward the end of year 6. They all get to use pens in secondary anyway but it was withholding that certificate that was pretty mean in my opinion. I know as an adult it’s not a big deal but to a child these things mean something.