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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to pay for my child to go to a birthday party?

78 replies

moleymo · 07/02/2008 20:04

Ok, the scenario is that one mum has asked some of us to have a joint birthday party with her dd as some of us have children born within a week or so of each other, but no one is interested in doing a joint party as dc's are still young (preschool age) and would rather have smaller parties at least until they get to school - so she now wants to have a party at a softplay place but to keep costs down wants children to pay to go and she'll pay for the food.

She wants us to pay instead of buying a present for her dd.

AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable about this and to not want to pay for my dc to go to a party - its all a bit 'keeping up with the Jones'. I know what its like to live on a tight budget but surely if you can't afford something like that then you just have a little party at home or somewhere?

OP posts:
bunnyhunny · 07/02/2008 20:06

I met a load of mums at soft-play for ds's birthday. It wasnt a party, just a playtime to celebrate his birthday (iyswim), and everyone paid for themselves.

Wendyjayb · 07/02/2008 20:09

Theres a difference between asking friends to meet you and inviting you to a party
My ds is 2 and we've always met the girls and kids at soft play and everyone pays for themselves, but if it was a party with food then i wouldn't expect people to pay

CaptainUnderpants · 07/02/2008 20:10

If she is saying pay and dont buy a present then I think that is fine .

How much would you pay for a present £5 ? how much would the sift play be probably the same as that even less ?

YABU

LyraSilvertongue · 07/02/2008 20:16

If it's a party, she should pay.
DS2 spent his last birthday at the children's farm with some friends. I paid all the entry fees and brought a picnic for everyone. i wouldn't have felt right letting people pay for themselves when they were only there because it was Ds's birthday.

FAQ · 07/02/2008 20:18

"i wouldn't have felt right letting people pay for themselves when they were only there because it was Ds's birthday"

what if you invited friends to go out with you for a drink for your birthday.....and it was a case of they had to buy their own drinks - and if they had only gone out because it was your birthday???

Sazisi · 07/02/2008 20:20

I really wouldn't have any problem paying for my child in that particular situation; I'm actually feeling a bit sorry for the mum involved that no-one wanted to do a joint party with her

LyraSilvertongue · 07/02/2008 20:21

It's different when it's adults who have their own money. Also drinks for a whole night out cost a lot more than the few quid it costs to get into the children's farm.

BBBee · 07/02/2008 20:21

I think she probably likes the idea of making an occasion of the birthday by going to a soft play place and the request of payin to get in instead of a present seems fine to me.

FAQ · 07/02/2008 20:22

but Lyra - as has already been pointed out the PARENTS would be spending their money on a present anyhow.......so is it really that different if they pay for the soft play instead of getting a present??

there are all manner of reasons why this mum may not want/be able to have a small party at home.

Heated · 07/02/2008 20:23

Sound fine to me - quite a generous idea really that all the children get to have fun, rather than present for her lo.

Original poster
moleymo · 07/02/2008 20:23

Its so difficult isn't it - I would have been more than happy to have had a joint party, but have lots of close family who do a lot to support me and dc so I feel that whilst they're young my way for saying thank you to them is to have a family party with a few children invited as well.

OP posts:
LyraSilvertongue · 07/02/2008 20:27

FAQ, why don't you answer the op instead of picking holes in everything I've said?

Original poster
moleymo · 07/02/2008 20:28

BTW - it would be about £8 per head - its a proper party thing rather than just entry to the softplay.

OP posts:
FAQ · 07/02/2008 20:29

well if you read my second post you'd see I'd responded to one of the OP's points.

Now who's picking holes???

LyraSilvertongue · 07/02/2008 20:31

Are you talking to me FAQ?

FAQ · 07/02/2008 20:33

no I'm talking to the man on the moon

MrsFogi · 07/02/2008 20:33

Sounds fine if she's not expecting presents. Wouldn't be find if she was expecting presents.

mazzystar · 07/02/2008 20:36

how young are the kids? one? two?

in lots of ways its a whole load more sensible to ask people to pay for to go and do something they will all enjoy than spend money on tat that birthday child is likely to care about as they are largely unaware that its their birthday anyhow

that said its a total etiquette minefield

Troutpout · 07/02/2008 20:37

Must admit..at first i was thinking that if it was presented as a party then it would seem a little odd
but tbh now i'm thinking that's it's a quite a good idea.

nametaken · 07/02/2008 20:39

oh I've got 3 dc's and I've been asked to do this a couple of times over the years. I wasn't miffed, but I did thank my lucky stars I've never had to see the day when I asked people to pay to come to my dc's party.

look at it this way - they must really need the money musn't they

Go on, go, and if you really want to feel smug and superior do what I do and buy the kid a present as well, and then throw a fabulous party for your dd and invite them.

Original poster
moleymo · 07/02/2008 20:39

Kids are going to be three so old enough to get some enjoyment out of opening present etc.

OP posts:
FAQ · 07/02/2008 20:40

yes but do they really need the number of presents which they'll be given???

Original poster
moleymo · 07/02/2008 20:44

The thing is I know she doesn't need the money - and she certainly has the space to do something at home - but she wants to keep up with other people - god only knows what she's going to be like when her dd starts school

I'm going to have to fork out for 3 kids now - which will cost me the best part of £25 - that's half my food budget for the week.

OP posts:
FAQ · 07/02/2008 20:47

but if she's paying for the food surely it shouldn't cost £8 - that's for the food AS WELL as the soft play isn't it (unless you live near an extremely expensive soft play centre....).

Having "space" at home doesn't mean that having a party there is possible - lots of other factors to consider. And you sure she doesn't "need" the money???

UniversallyChallenged · 07/02/2008 20:48

moleymo - you wont really spend half your money on going will you????

What's wrong with a simple "thanks for the invite - we cant make it?"

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