to not want to pay for my child to go to a birthday party?

[moleymo]

Ok, the scenario is that one mum has asked some of us to have a joint birthday party with her dd as some of us have children born within a week or so of each other, but no one is interested in doing a joint party as dc's are still young (preschool age) and would rather have smaller parties at least until they get to school - so she now wants to have a party at a softplay place but to keep costs down wants children to pay to go and she'll pay for the food.

She wants us to pay instead of buying a present for her dd.

AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable about this and to not want to pay for my dc to go to a party - its all a bit 'keeping up with the Jones'. I know what its like to live on a tight budget but surely if you can't afford something like that then you just have a little party at home or somewhere?

My DD was invited to a joint party and we did not know the other birthday girl and I gave her a little beaded purse with a gold chocolate coin in it, some magnetic lady birds and a few other good quality novelty toys which cost me no more than £4 for the lot and the Mum sent me a lovely note thanking me for the lovely gifts. There is no way I would spend loads on a child I barely knew, a token gift is what counts, and it does not matter how much the parents are spending on the party as that is up to them

Message withdrawn

This was a solution I nearly went for this year, as I am sorely skint but feel the need to give my ds some kind of party(he's turning 4) Part of that pressure is because I've always managed to have a wee do for him before and all his close friends have had some kind of do so I don't want him to feel left out.
I think the point of a party is to give the lo in question a special event to mark their special day. It doesn't matter if its at some super duper soft play or in the house, whether you spend £500 or £50. And as long as their special friends are invited then that's what's important- there'll be time a'plenty for big heaving events later on.

It does seem to be the consensus that if you can't afford to pay for entry and food, and, presumably the party bags...oh, should I include an entertainer, face painter, balloon modeller?.. Then I shouldn't bother. Have the party at home? I live in a tiny flat so I could invite say his 2 closest friend if their parents sit in my bedroom and the kids don't move about much. So, at home is no good. Have it in a park? Love to, but as his birthday is the end of February it's hardly likely to be dry, never mind warm enough.

So, because I am living hand to mouth and in a small flat, my child can't have the sort of do I would like to throw him (and I'm not talking about an extravaganza!) But, I had thought, maybe I could arrange a mass play date at a local soft play...buy everyone some food (which would be tough enough) and bring a cake (I'm pretty sure they'd let me do that) The parents of the 6 kids on his essential list wouldn't mind to much, as we are pretty friendly, and most of them have membership there anyway, so it wouldn't cost them extra. The other parents would have to decide for themselves if I was being unreasonable.

I guess what's got to me about the tone of this thread isn't the philosophy of only buying what you can afford, which is laudable, but if you can't afford to do it "this way" then don't embarrass yourself by trying to do it another way.

Sorry for the xlong reply, but I could realistically be this mum the op was talking about, and all I'm trying to do is my very best, with what I have available.