To send my child to private school at age 4?

[confusedaboutworkingandparenting]

Wise Mumsnetters, please talk to me about private school in the UK. Or public school? What is the difference? As you have probably gathered already, DH and I went to comprehensive schools and have no experience of education options in London or the independent school system in the UK. Other children is unlikely to be a factor here so we could probably afford to pay for one to go, although of course it would involve some sacrifices. We have some good private schools nearby to us and none of the "local" state primary schools are actually that convenient, so all options involve a bit of a trek. So talk to me about private school? Is it worth it? Is it really that different to state school? When is the best time to send them? If you could afford it, would you do it? And why? And will I inadvertently turn my beloved child into a posh tw*t?! Also the holidays are so long! What do you do with them then! Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences and wisdom.

Two years in and it’s the best decision we ever made. My shy, anxious, quiet child has flourished and become confident and is in an environment where she will be able to reach her full potential. Whatever that may be. She loves school, truly, and is happy. Neither of us were privately educated so it’s all new to us but we feel daily it is money well spent. Lots of people feel (and can be vocal) that private primary is a waste of money, save for secondary instead etc and as it stands, we can’t currently afford secondary so we made the decision based on this: our philosophy is that we want our children to enjoy and thrive during their education years and we are not worried about a “return on investment” as such. We are paying for the experience as it lived, not for the outcome. We have chosen private school over a bigger house, cars or holidays as education and a happy childhood is a priority for us. There are many people we have met who are similar, equally those who can easily afford both, and more still who have chosen the house and lifestyle/saving for the future instead. We are not personally bothered by “keeping up with the Jones’” so it works perfectly for us.

If state schools are ok and you’ve not got a real reason to go private, why would you? Sooo expensive and likely to get more expensive. Fwiw my kids were state, always intended them to stay state but got allocated a dire school and went private. It’s been good for us, but I would not advocate it as being à sensible decision at 4. Unless you’ve got money to burn!

Maybe do some open days? Ask those questions and get a feel for it.

Private school can be very different. My child is at a lovely state school, we couldn't fault it if we tried. Flourishing, supported, honestly its brilliant.

My cousins children are at private school and we hear about all the lovely extras they have which sound wonderful which state school could never provide. Mostly much posher food! So I'm sure we probably dont realise what we are missing!

They moved them there from a failing state school and the classes are tiny and they quickly found one of the children was miles behind where they thought she should be and put in interventions to help and she is now thriving.

They also have a heavy sport focus and they seem to spend a lot of time at sports on Saturdays. I think from talking to a friend that that is fairly common?

I would say go to some open days. We love our state school but if it was failing then the private school would seem like money well spent.

Same background. We sent our DS to private school at 3. I was worried about not fitting in with the other parents but everyone is lovely and normal (in so far as we're all MC). DS loves school and the small class sizes allow for for personal attention.
School holidays are a ball ache. You just have to pay for more holiday clubs.

Private schools do vary though. At ours most of the parents both work. At a friend's she's the only working mum and there's a lot more loaded families. Do your research.

The “is it worth it?” question is almost impossible to answer because it’s a combination of the child, the private schools that are on offer and the state schools that are on offer.

Honestly, it's better if you think in terms of specific schools rather than state/private. There are some great private schools and some truly rubbish ones. I'd go and have a look at all the options and make your choice. NB make sure you research application deadlines well in advance as they're unlikely to be the same as the state ones and some schools require you to register very early.

Following with interest. What's pulling me towards a private school is I want my children to have the very best fundamental groundwork and our local primaries are all either failing or super-religious and the religious ones are oversubscribed.

I have children in both state and private and DH and I have also experienced both. Honestly, unless you have an awful lot of money and absolutely no risk of running into financial difficulties etc. try and find a really good state school (move if necessary). Many private schools are really not that good, they often have excellent PR and the parents who are committed to them have to believe they have made the right choice so won't tell you it can be a waste of money. As you say the holidays are also long which adds more childcare costs (in our case thousands a year).

At 4 years old it is very, very hard to know your child's strengths and weaknesses etc. By year 4/5 things become clearer so if you did really want to go private I would save for secondary when you could make a much more informed choice of what would work for your DC. Finally, factor in if labour do get in and decide to make private schools pay VAT etc. (which could happen in the period when your daughter would be in school) your fees could rise an extra 20%...

We started in private as it was the only option that worked logistically for us (school, nursery, work). now in state school as moved.
there are some pros and cons to both.
with private school, you pay for everything. Often in addition to fees, so I would check that. Lunch, trips, language specialist, dyslexia referral… uniform is more expensive too. If you are thinking of a selective school, then your child will need to go for an interview. Tuition fees will go up every year. Holidays are tricky to cover if you don’t have a SAHP or nanny, as clubs don’t cover all the holidays. Students will come from a wider area, so less local friends.
you most likely will get smaller class sizes, language tuition earlier on, more/ better clubs, better extras.
if money is not an issue then I would look at the schools around you and choose the one that fits your child.m, be it private or state.
Mine go to an excellent state school now that has small class sizes, excellent facilities, free trips and lunch - and we are very very grateful for the money we are No longer paying.

I sent my DC to state school and moved to private school at age 9. I strongly wish that we had never gone to the state school and had done private from the beginning.

The main differences are:

• State school is now about 30% special needs, who take up all of the teacher’s time, disrupt the class for the other children, and make it hard to learn. If your child is lucky enough to be in a year with no SEN, the head will move someone disruptive down from the year above.
• Bright kids are ignored by the teacher at state school as ‘meets target, no further action needed.’
• Class size. At state school your 4 yr old will be in a class of 30. At private the class size will be 4-16 (depending on school: ask the policy).
• Bullies. At state school these are hard to get rid of, at private school they’ll be swiftly told to leave.
• Money. Private school costs. 😬
• Racism. State primaries can be shockingly racist. Private schools are usually more ethnically diverse and less racist: social dynamics are not about skin they’re about manners/money/sportiness/intellect/parents’ behaviour.
• Sports. At state school your child will do almost no exercise, and will quickly lose fitness. At private school you can expect 3-4 sessions of proper exercise every week.
• Fitting in. If your child is an introvert from a wealthy background and interested in eg classical music, they won’t fit in socially at state school. It isn’t a big deal at age 4 but by age 9 is very difficult for the child.
• Facilities and cleaning is much better at private but this wasn’t a big deal for us. That said our school was able to stay open during much of the pandemic when others were ordered to close because our school had the facilities and staff to arrange tiny ‘bubbles’, and our school seems much healthier than our old state primary, perhaps because of the better cleaning standards.
• Unless your child is supremely confident, state school will ‘squash’ them with adults constantly saying “shhh” instead of listening to and encouraging the child’s opinions.

A private (aka independent) school is anything where the parents fund it instead of the state.

A public school is one of the oldest private schools, very traditional and probably a bit wanky.

Will it turn your child into a posh wanker? Some will! But it won’t if you pick the school with care. Do open days and tours and look at the parents / other children. Would YOU fit in? Probably, about half our school is ‘normal’ parents, many from working class backgrounds, who’ve chosen a small house and fewer holidays because they’ve prioritised education.

If you look at schools and don’t fit in, look for a cheaper or more bohemian school. Some private schools still wear top hats and straw boaters 🤣 others have no uniform and call the teachers by first names. You can find one that suits your family perfectly if you search.

Is it worth it? If you have a badly behaved noisy child who doesn’t care about sports or learning, there’s no point spending money on private school where they’d get asked to leave in a few years. If you have a well behaved bright child, or a sensitive child, it is a wise investment.

Thats experience of One state and One private
You cannot extrapolate
There are good state schools yes acvomodating SEN too!!
There are poor private ones
Op do your homewoirk and visit them
If you like the private one and can afford it might be right fir you

2Bornot I take issue with nearly everything you have stated as fact, aside from class sizes and costs. You really can't make such sweeping judgements. I have had a child in a private school with deeply entrenched bullying problems and I have experienced state primaries with fantastic diversity where the children were absolutely encouraged to be individuals. 30% SEN across the board is absolutely ridiculous too. Regarding class sizes, the ratio of adults (including TA's) to child is actually not very different between the schools my DC go to.

2Bornot
You are describing one state school and one private school. You can't base a meaningful conclusion from that!
There are some excellent state schools where none of what you describe exists and some terrible private schools where bullying is rife, results matter more than the child, and teachers are unqualified.
OP you have to look at the schools and decide what will suit your child. Also you need to think about the cost and is the benefit of private school to your child more than the benefit of holidays, treats days out together etc.
Personally at age 4 unless your child has particular needs I would think it's too soon to tell.

Thanks for the helpful replies. My child is a sensitive and clever little one. Way ahead of their peers in certain areas (speech). Struggles a bit in others respects (emotional side). Like all children! Strengths and weaknesses. For what it's worth, I know all about SEND as I have another child with complex additional needs who attends a specialist school. Sorry for the drip feed, I didn't expect it to be relevant but it clearly is to some of the posters here.

A good private school that is suitable for the particular child (ie focuses on their strengths whether that is sport, music, art, academic etc) is nearly always going to be better than a state school.

I hear people say they save for private secondary but I think the foundations achieved from a good primary education are far more essential.

The only negative, in my experience, can be that the class sizes can be very small at some schools which doesn’t leave such a wide opportunity for a range of friends and it can feel a little claustrophobic. In lots of other ways this is outweighed.

If you can afford it, taking into account fee increases throughout the year and all the extra curricular activities, and covering the longer school holidays, then I absolutely would.

I have been a nanny in London for over 20 years.
I have cared for many kids in both private and state schools.
If I could afford it, I would absolutely send my child (if I had one!) to a private school.
People are correct; there are some lovely state schools but in all honesty, the private schools that my charges have been to have been incredible and you can't beat the facilities and experiences that they give. The majority of my privately educated kids have been miles ahead than the kids of the same age at state school. Yes, private school children are worked hard with long days. But that's why they have longer holidays.
If you can afford it, start private school at aged 4 because.
In regards to the long holidays, if you can afford private school, then there are lots of holiday childcare options, including some very good sports camps that are reasonably priced.

Just make sure you research the sch

Pressed too soon

Researched the school really well, not all private schools are good or right for your child. Be wary of schools with high staff turnover especially heads

I moved my kids to a decent private school from a really good state school half way through primary. I really couldn't fault the state school and we would have happily stayed there if we hadn't moved. However, the private school still offered some advantages. Smaller class sizes, fewer disruptive children, earlier streaming, additional tutoring support, many, many school clubs (free), ability to learn an instrument (paid extra), a focus on developing confidence and interpersonal skills, sports, really good school trips, great facilities. For us, it was worth it.

@2Bornot that sounds like your experience of one state school and one private school.

Some will be universal but 100% my kids state school is more ethnically diverse than the local private. Surely it depends on the area?

As a child who started in state primary and got moved to private (I had no idea why at the time, but found out whilst clearing a house it was due to the state school not being able to challenge/teach me enough), I would advocate for private.

I got the education I needed, the push, the challenge and the support. I was by no means from a rich family, but I wasn't alone in that either.

I also went to a state school for secondary, and felt well set up for it, and capable of what was needed.

I haven't got my own kids, yet, and not sure whether I'll be in a position to give them what I had growing up, but I'd like to, as I feel it benefitted me very well.

As others say you can’t extrapolate a judgement from your own experience. We have been happy with state as we carefully moved to an area with strong single sex secondaries. Both dds thriving. Second one socialises with the private school crowd (not actually sure this is a good thing). Agree the sport provision does seem better at private we have to seek that out.

I went to private school (albeit secondary) and had a great experience. Smaller class sizes which allowed for more one-on-one attention when necessary, fantastic resources, and more opportunities in terms of subjects and extra curricular activities. Obviously it depends on the school, but undoubtedly you’ll do your research beforehand.

If affordable to you I would absolutely recommend it.

“Private schools are less racist” 🙄

I would love to see the evidence behind this statement.

I’d compare the local states you can get a place at v privates locally. Try and visit as many as you can.

Compare class sizes
Facilities
Extra curricular
Wrap around/holiday care
Destinations at 11

Mine went to a small private primary. Class of 15. It was in a deprived northern town so cost same as nursery at time . Pros all parents were supportive. Virtually all children had 2 working patents so it was set up for that it was very working parent friendly. Mix of ethnic backgrounds unlike local state and there were many children with additional needs (it very much catered for the need a bit of extra help but won’t qualify for ehcp market)
It was quite old fashioned focus on basics and manners. Behaviour standards were high - they stood out at events with other local schools in a good way. Extras like public speaking encouraged. Lots of sport.
Mine got off to a flying start and she speaks fondly of her time there and the head.
She went into state grammar at 11.