To send my child to private school at age 4?

[confusedaboutworkingandparenting]

Wise Mumsnetters, please talk to me about private school in the UK. Or public school? What is the difference? As you have probably gathered already, DH and I went to comprehensive schools and have no experience of education options in London or the independent school system in the UK. Other children is unlikely to be a factor here so we could probably afford to pay for one to go, although of course it would involve some sacrifices. We have some good private schools nearby to us and none of the "local" state primary schools are actually that convenient, so all options involve a bit of a trek. So talk to me about private school? Is it worth it? Is it really that different to state school? When is the best time to send them? If you could afford it, would you do it? And why? And will I inadvertently turn my beloved child into a posh tw*t?! Also the holidays are so long! What do you do with them then! Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences and wisdom.

not that this is the point of the thread, but the reason that the oldest private schools are called "public" is because they were founded as an innovation to allow children of families who couldn't afford their own private tutors/governesses to reside in their homes and teach the children as part of the household staff - so "public" because anyone could apply. This was long before the government decided to provide anything approaching universal education. generally founded by charitable gifts structured to provide free places to a number of scholars and paid places for the remainder.

I'm inclined to agree with those who have seen a lot of benefit in the first few years of school, from a small school with small classes and much more personalised teaching. Though mine did stay in independent schools throughout, had we moved to a grammar area (a real possibility at one point) they might have switched for secondary.

Definitely evaluate as many of your likely options, state and independent, as you realistically can. Being able to pay may give you the luxury of more choice - getting the school that is a good fit for your child / your family (lifestyle, priorities, values) can make a difference. It can be overwhelming trying to visit schools, but I would say, if you get a gut feeling about a school, either way, pay attention to it. The school we felt wonderful about from the first time we visited, was indeed wonderful even though our child there had plenty of issues at times. The school I pushed aside a slight niggle about, subsequently proved not right for that child and we were able to move them. One of our children would, I think, have struggled at the start in most state schools rather than thrived.

If you do privately educate, don't make your child feel guilty or obliged yo you.

SunlightThroughTrees · Yesterday 13:08
“Private schools are less racist” 🙄

I would love to see the evidence behind this statement.

It’s possible given the number of doctors’ children and children of people who put a huge store on education who go to them who may well be of diverse heritages.

As others have said, go see the states and privates. It is such an individual decision based on your child, circumstances and life.

I completely disagree with the comments that private in the early years is a waste of money. The early years are the essential foundations and absolutely worth investing in. But you may have a fantastic local state in which case you can decide if it is worth the additional cost.

The sweeping statements made by some posters above are based on their (limited) experience - in some cases of just one school in each sector. This cannot be generalised across the country. Private schools will almost always have better ratios but that is not always a good thing when looking at the bigger picture. I chose private because I felt my DC would be lost on our local state as a child who is quiet and well behaved plus was able to read and write before starting schools. She doesn't draw attention to herself so I could picture her being left to her devices. As a school, they did not implement the additional work to stretch the most able until 8 years old so I feared DC would just get bored for the first 3 years

I have a very similar attitude to @Dixiechickonhols and our private is academically selective so they literally hit the ground running in reception on academics but it ingrains excellent study habits from early on. There is a big emphasis on specialist teaching and extra curricular within the school day - I am always amazed by the volume they are able to cover. Our school also has good wrap around which works well when both parents work

There are parts of private school you can’t quantify and it depends how hungry and keen your kids are to take up the opportunities available to them. We initially sent our kids to a very good local Primary.

They really did fall behind during covid. We had to do a lot of work at home to fill the gaps and still it wasn’t enough.

I know in Private it’s a lot of show - uniforms - flags - facilities etc. Our kids are hitting their potential. It’s an amazing experience. Take note though all private schools are different.

Some really good advice offered already. I sent all my kids to private school as our local state schools were really not good. We have had to sacrifice a lot to do it. They have all had a fabulous education, my kids are all really different and their schools provided them with opportunities to build in confidence whether through sport, debating, computer clubs, or music and drama. Saying that, there are some really poor private schools around, do your research. And, had we had good state provision I would have sent them all there. There are some amazing state schools, just look at every option.

My eldest went to private school and today is living back home in a normal office job, no degree. My second went to state school has a degree and is currently doing his masters. I'm not sure private school is worth it.

All my kids have thrived in state schools

I don't know, depends what outcome you or they are measuring - is the one doing a normal job happier? I don't see paying or not paying for school as directly worth it or not based on how much money they earn or what they attain. I agree that it's not worth it for some children and some schools.

I'd imagine most parents go private cos they want their kids to have better chances/superior careers to state educated kids

Maybe you're right, it was much more about happiness for us, perhaps we are atypical.

I'm sure private school parents want/expect their kids to go to a good university and get a good job as well though

My kids went to private primary and state secondary. Was the private worth it? Probably not for us because it was a stretch. I think the youngest benefited from smaller classes and school whereas the middle one would have done better (with hindsight) in a larger cohort. He really struggled with the small number of boys & had quite a miserable time for a while.

I think if you want a certain academic outcome such as ‘university’ that will put a lot of pressure on a child.

Only if it's right for them, again you're probably right but university or not again is something that needs evaluation, some people do degrees that don't benefit them at huge time and money cost due to poor evaluation of their options.

But yes, clap clap we got two kids into Oxbridge at the school assembly, I'm sure that is what many parents in general would desire as an outcome.

Slightly digressing!

We sent DD private from year 1 and it was the making of her.

Both DS went to the local school as we lived in a village then with a lovely school.

I have a somewhat rare perspective in that I went to a state primary and state secondary then private sixth form (which is actually part of a 4+ school).

if money was not a factor I would absolutely choose private for my kids. It depends on the school (and the child) but in the private school I went to there was a culture of academic success (so this school would not have suited less academic kids) but also a very strong focus on music, sport, the arts, debating, trips- all things to enhance the overall growing up experience IMO.
things have changed since I was at school in that the state sector focus on the arts has been almost killed off which is something I’m incredibly sad about.

imm still in touch with many girls from my sixth form and generally speaking they have all done very well in life. None were “rich”, they mostly came from hard working MC families (the school was not particularly expensive) with a small number of poorer kids on bursaries

also the girls there were brought up to genuinely enjoy learning which was a revelation to me coming from a state school where frankly it was rare to try hard. Of course this won’t be the case with all state schools.

i think there is less difference in primary though and I’m not sure I’d fork out for that if there was a lovely state primary within 5 minutes walk of my house. I know lots of families who went from state primary to private secondary- in the latter they probably overall had to work a bit harder at the entrance exam because obviously the private primaries prepare for this especially when attached to a senior school.

I agree @user567543, it is about happiness. Sending to a private school should not come with an expectation that they will go to a top university and have a high paying job. And equally, not achieving this does not mean the child is a failure. Nothing to do with superiority either

Happiness comes first and second is giving my child the confidence that they are in control of their future and outcomes. The confidence and self belief that they can go try anything they want to.

My son started off in a state school it had an ofstead rating of 'Good' and locally everyone seemed to rave about it. It was terrible, teachers couldnt be bothered, high turnover of staff, my son was horribly bullied (literally had a child bite and hitting my son and was told we should tell my son to ignore the bully no other intervention, he would come home covered in scratches and bite marks) the teachers would ignore him and just focus on the louder poorly behaved children, it was a daily battle to get him to school he was stressed anxious and sad. We moved him at the beginning of year 2 (so we tried the state system for 2 years) into a small private school and honestly wish we had done it earlier, Yes its expensive but my childs emotional and physical wellbeing trumps the extra luxuries such as holidays, cars etc. Obviously this is only comparing 1 state school to 1 private school but for us it was absolutely worth it. The smaller class size made a huge difference and also the other kids are just kinder I hate to say it but because the other parents are professional and prioritise their children's education there children are just better behaved, People can get very defensive saying State Schools are amazing and Private Schools are for posh wankers but that has not been my experience at all. Also the whole state until 8 then private simply wont work, far too many ppl assume their kids will get into a private school for secondary after state in primar but they wont necessarily do well in the 11+ as they will be competing with children who have had private teaching for the first few years so will have an advantage. My advice would be if you can afford it do it you wont regret it!

My kids have the confidence and belief they can try anything they want, as did I, also state educated

Mirandasmum, wow, so now you're saying parents who choose private have better behaved kids because they prioritise their education! So private schools are void of bad behaviour?

Depending on when your child's birthday is, if emotional or social readiness is a factor then you could consider delayed entry?

Children born April 1st - Aug 31st have the option to delay entry and request a Reception start aged 5. That's what we're doing for our eldest, he would be due to start Sept 2023 but is started Sept 2024 in Reception instead. Our main reasoning is social and emotional readiness, not academic. But being a year older also correlates with better grades overall so it's likely to have a double benefit.

Just another option to consider if you weren't already aware. You could potentially look at it for private schools too but I'm not as clear on how the process works for private schools. Presumably it's the same as Academies so you'd just apply direct for the delayed start.

Having read the teachers’ strike threads and the dire straits so many state schools are in, I would say go private. I would have not said that even ten years ago.

I am generalising but many private schools were better able to weather the pandemic (technology etc) and seen less affected by strikes. They seem to have more time for PE and more time for lunch. There are fewer supply teachers. I could go on.

It is not fair. But having read what teachers have said about the state sector, I would say don’t take the risk. Find a private school which suits you and go for it. And if you can find one which goes all the way to 18, consider it. It’s becoming so competitive in my bit of London that families are struggling to secure places.

Racism and bullying can happen in any school of course.

Good luck whatever you decide.

@Devoutspoken they're not devoid of bad behaviour but there is zero tolerance for it and much easier when all parents are fully engaged.

In the state sector, the majority of parents will be like you - engaged with well behaved child. Sadly, it doesn't take much for the disruptive minority to ruin it for the entire class and exclusion is not straightforward. A private school can (and will) exclude very early on if the parent is not working with them to correct.

There are several threads on here about deterioration of child behaviour in schools (covid being a contributory factor) and how it is the worst it has ever been.