To send my child to private school at age 4?

[confusedaboutworkingandparenting]

Wise Mumsnetters, please talk to me about private school in the UK. Or public school? What is the difference? As you have probably gathered already, DH and I went to comprehensive schools and have no experience of education options in London or the independent school system in the UK. Other children is unlikely to be a factor here so we could probably afford to pay for one to go, although of course it would involve some sacrifices. We have some good private schools nearby to us and none of the "local" state primary schools are actually that convenient, so all options involve a bit of a trek. So talk to me about private school? Is it worth it? Is it really that different to state school? When is the best time to send them? If you could afford it, would you do it? And why? And will I inadvertently turn my beloved child into a posh tw*t?! Also the holidays are so long! What do you do with them then! Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences and wisdom.

I think you should go to open days for state and private and get a feel for the differences yourself.
Not every state school is the same and not every private school is the same.
I taught in both sectors. If you have a good or very good state primary school near you then I really don't think there is much difference other than small class sizes and fewer disruptive pupils (they'll usually be asked to leave a private school). People talk about the extra-curricular activities at private schools, but to be honest, many state schools also offer clubs and if your child is interested in music or sport you can pay for lessons/clubs outside of school, same for drama, art, language whatever.
It can be worth it at secondary level depending on where you live and what the state schools are like.
If you are going to put them in at 4 you need to be really sure you can fund it all the way up - it's not great for the child if they have to move to a state school at a critical point in their schooling because your money has run out.
Save the money now, look for a good state primary, if it turns out your child has difficulties or isn't being challenged, you can look at private schools in a couple of years time, otherwise revisit the issue at 11.

If you have another child with additional needs then the all in aspect of private might suit versus state and ferrying to activities every night.

not all state schools are awful.
not all private schools are brilliant.

in general, learning outcomes at KS1 are a lot more strongly dependent on how engaged parents are with education, how much reading practice the kids do at home with parents, and how much books are central to family life. without these, a kid in a brilliant school won't thrive nearly as much as a kid who has these advantages but is at a terrible school. so for years R-2 save your money unless the private school is really convenient for other reasons.

the gaps do widen and start being less acceptable from around y4-5. "State till Eight" is as commonplace a motto as "on your knees to avoid the fees" (ie use religious criteria to get a faith-based state place). But we stuck with state till y7.

visit all possible schools both state and private and go with the ones that feel like the right fit.

whether it's "worth it" depends what you are giving up to afford it. For a family who are taking themselves close to the breadline to scrape together fees and are foregoing all luxuries and comforts, then maybe not. If it means just 2 weeks of skiing rather than 3 and having to fly economy rather than business class occasionally but otherwise being generally able to have everything you want, then yes it's totally worth it for a good school.

State schools are not as ethnically diverse? what now?

Went from state to private - it really depends on your local options. We got smaller classes and miles better pastoral care. Mine hate team sports and clubs so probably don't get the traditional benefits

Just to say that our private school has 20% SEN children. Mine is one of them. The SEN provision is excellent.

If you are going to be craping by to send them then I would think about it carefully. Ours costs about £18 k per child per year but that is the base rate- everything costs on top of it and the school uniform is extortionate (although we have a thriving second hand shop).

For us the pros are small classes (never had more than 16 in the class and the DCs are now Yr 8 and Yr 6 and have been there since aged 4) - excellent SEN provision- terrific pastoral care- truly exceptional- dedicated ambitious teachers- global outlook- loads of extra curricular stuff (although my SEN child cannot access that as it is too much for him on top of school).

But that is our school. If we had a state school that did what we need thwn we would be state. The sheer cost of it is an issue for us, but we can (currently) manage. If the propsoed VAT on school fees goes ahead then god knows what we will do. No-one is mega rich at our school- in my friendhsip circle of parents one works for the NHS in CAMHS; one is a store manager at Costa (although her daughter in on a part-funded bursary); one is a plumber and alot are forces families.

Our DC goes to a small private pre-prep school. Since the school is small, the benefits are more in terms of a very structured environment on a lovely site, smaller class sizes, lots of individual attention and a decent range of extracurricular activities, rather than fantastic facilities/lunches etc. Our DC is making excellent progress and loves going to school and we're happy that he's getting such a good grounding in the basics early on. That said, our decision to send him there was influenced by our state school option. There are many fantastic state primaries in our area, but the one we were offered is not one of them and, when I visited, I was put off by the uninspiring teaching and somewhat chaotic environment. It seemed very easy for children to get 'lost' there.

Totally depends on the quality of schools in your area and what your child is like. We didn't get a place in the local state primary that we thought would have been ok, and weren't impressed with the one we did get - plus it was also really awkward to get to, lacked the wrap around care we needed, and would have been a nightmare with work at that point. She'd have had no friends going there and the kids tended to come from a different type of background to us as it was a rougher area. I would say there's a similar amount of ethnic diversity in both the schools. We're in a city so bound to be more diverse than some places anyway.

My DD is very shy but academically advanced and needs to be challenged. She also loves music and so these were factors that pushed us into private. We looked round schools with an open mind but she actually preferred the private one herself too - I think she was won over by the visit to the music department.

Four years in and we're really happy with our decision. Class sizes are small, she's benefited from specialist music, language, IT, sports etc teachers. She's been able to learn two instruments in school time and made a lovely group of friends. She is still quiet but her confidence has definitely increased and the additional opportunities have been amazing for her. Because her school is from 5-18, the kids also benefit from being able to use the senior school facilities for things like science experiments. Discipline is great and so the teachers are able to use all their time for actual teaching! I'm really impressed with everything she's learnt and the standard of her work.

It depends on your area. In town we lived in at time (deprived northern former mill town) white children went to the c of e and catholic and Muslim children went to none denominational. Schools 2 mins a part but completely different make up. It was very stark. Dc’s private primary was unusual as it was mixed.
We moved by Secondary. State Grammar school here is far more diverse than local area as 25% come from out of area and of those large majority aren’t white.

I know some people do the state til 8 or 11 then move.
Having done it the other way it definitely had advantages in terms of getting dc off to a flying start academically eg dc was reading and writing well early on so could access curriculum and established good study habits.
Between the longer day so no wrap around needed, being able to holiday more cheaply in October when state schools were in and prep for 11 plus included I personally think we got good value and no regrets. She had a nice experience and it was easier for me as a working mum - they didn’t do all the dress up days and expecting parents in during the day. Fees were under 6000 a year though not per term (not London)

I think it does depend on what the state schools are like and what your options for private are like.

I moved eldest to private in year 3, and will do the same with youngest when he's at that ages. We didn't do it earlier as the local infant school is great and there wasn't an option we liked for that age that was private. Our chosen school starts in year 3.

To us the benefits are clear, he is excelling, the opportunities are wonderful, he loves it!

My only other observation is that people always say go state first, but better care in primary can set children up as confident learners and make a later switch to state more likely.

I would definitely be investigating all options carefully.

Honestly it really depends on what the local schools around you offer and then comparing them to what the private school can do better if at all. We are London zone 3, so class size was a huge factor. The state schools are fine in principal but my child was getting lost in nursery just because the class was so big. My child benefited hugely from the smaller class sizes that private offered.

I compare to my BIL children where the class sizes in primary are smaller in a state school v the local private school (because limited private options in their scottish town). Obviously that will change at secondary.

Save your money and pay for amazing holidays/weekends/activities and private tutors if needed. You can afford it now but what if your circumstances change and you have to pull them out. State school teaches how to mix with kids from all background - valuable life lesson

On the diversity point, there is definitely more ethnic diversity in my child's private school than reflects the local population.

It's worth it for us. But that's because of the combination of the state school we were allocated, the private school we sent them to and our lifestyle.

Our private school has holidays the same as state school except for 1 extra week at may half term and week extra on summer. Our school also runs exceptional wrap around and holiday provision, which was actually a huge decider for us. Combine that with the small class sizes, lovely family feel and the fact it's the same cost as nursery was and it was a no brainer for us.

Also, our school is very cheap compared to many.

As others have said, you really can't generalise. You need to compare the specific schools that are realistic options for you. There are always sweeping statements on threads like this, but nobody has experience of every state school and every independent school. We can tell you our personal experiences which may be interesting and give you ideas of questions to ask, but the bottom line is that there are good, bad and indifferent schools of all kinds and you need to research the actual schools in your area.
What I learned from my experience is not to make assumptions. I went to very poor state schools but fortunately despite that I ended up in a well paid profession. I didn't want my children to have the same school experience as me and, without actually looking at the state primary schools in our area, I assumed that private would be better. Didn't quite work out that way though. There was nothing terrible about the private school, but nothing that really justified the cost either, and enough niggles to make me start to look at other options. We ended up switching to state schools and I have never regretted it. Lots of the things I had assumed would be problems in our local state schools simply weren't - even the class sizes in our village primary were smaller than in the private school we left. Now had we lived somewhere else of course we might, quite reasonably have made a different decision. I would have done anything to avoid schools like the ones I attended. But that's why statements like "private schools are X and state schools are Y" are so pointless - there are always exceptions, even to statements that are broadly true. The question you really need to be asking is which of the specific schools in your locality will best meet the needs of your specific child. My advice would be to look at every possibility and keep an open mind. We lost a lot of money by not doing that, but I guess at least I learned something!

Our local state infant school is lovely, nurturing and rated as outstanding. We've been very happy with it for our now 6 year old (in year 2). She'll be going to middle school next year, it's rated as good but frankly I've not heard many good things. We're going to try it, but realistically we'll go private if we need to.

My opinion is try state and see how she gets on, you can always change your mind.

If unsure, start with state. If it doesn't go well, go private. If you are not even convinced by public education in the first place, don't go for it.

Both my boys go to a private school. One is 6 and the other is 8. They love the small class sizes and you can see the progress being made. My older one is hitting all his end of year targets already and my younger one is top of the class in reading.

The older one has a 10 year old reading age. They don't so the sats exams but are tested each term to see if they need any help.

My kids were above their reading age in state school

If I could afford it - I would. Go for it op !

Not worth it at all for primary unless your nearby state primaries are truly terrible. They all stick to the same EYFS curriculum - only difference is class sizes.

If you’re child seems average- bright do not waste your money in the early years. Many local independent schools really aren’t that good. The only ones worth shelling out for are the top Public Schools (fee paying- it’s a historic thing as to why they’re called Public) such as Eton or Winchester - and they’re becoming so unpopular with the public that you may do your child more harm long term using one of them.

My DH went to Oxford from a comp in a very deprived part of the north west. Unless my child got a top music scholarship etc I wouldn’t bother with private. If you’re really concerned could you move in to an area with superb state schools?

Other children will catch up fast so your child being way ahead is not really an important factor